True, but part of that WH FOG involves a humongous load of pride.

I agree wtih you on the PRIDE part...

Just don't agree that Steve came across as a salesman...

That part is NOT TRUE...and is part of the WH FOG...

Baby steps......and patience.....

I heard a sermon today about God's will and how to know when it's right.

I know getting him back is God's will, because it says in HIS word that HE hates divorce. But I know I can't ask him to bring my husband back yet because if GOD does before my husband gets help, then my daughter or myself could get hurt. So I realize that although it is God's will for us to reconcile, it is just not his will at this time.

This may be the same for you too Bugs....

Remember too, that he is being convicted from what steve told him. He knows what he is doing is wrong. That is why he is lashing out at you. Did you read the articles on the Giver and Taker ? I got the Love Busters book from the bookstore and it went into this so much more !

Drac is in the taker mode. He only wants to please himself. He can not please you right now because he is in a depressed type of stage.

For depression some of the symptoms include:
1. Inability to enjoy the things you used to. Including the company of those you used to enjoy. He hasn't stopped loving you, he just can't enjoy your presence because of your illness.

2. Indecisiveness

3. Inability to concentrate

and on...and on...and on..

Just keep being the happy goddess. Forget that you are trying to get him back. I'm not saying to forget him, but it seems the more I don't try to win mine back, the more he seems to come here.

Hope this helps you today.... You are such an inspiration to me, I pray that God has been able to alow me to lift your heart as well....

Dear heavenly father,
I know that Bugs has sadness in her heart, please remove that sadness and fill it with your love Lord. Please open up Drac's eyes and fill his heart with your Love as well Lord. Help him to see what he will be losing Lord. And let Bug's thoughts and words toward Drac be spoken from you Lord. We know that it is YOUR love that will win the hearts of fools. Please show her YOUR will for her marriage and her life. Help her to grow stronger in her faith, give her more patience and endurance Lord. And I just ask that at this minute you wrap your arms around her and give her a hug. Through Jesus's precious name we pray...amen...

GREAT POST, I NEED!! I agree with you!

God Bless....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I said I suspected that's what he may have thought. So I guess it WOULD be part of the WH fog if that WAS what he thought, but if it wasn't, then the point is moot. Does that make me foggy because I suspected it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Just my own speculation. No one has any way of knowing what he thought, except God who knows his heart.

I do agree that he was lashing out and probably was feeling guilty, but then that pride thing makes us do and say stoopid things especially when we think we're right.

I am sitting here right now with tears streaming down my face! Tears of ,,,, well, how do I say it. Amazement?

To feel oh so much encouragement, love and support from you all is humbling!

Yes, Mimi, I know in my MB trained heart of hearts that you are right. The TRUTH speaks to Drac, making him more DRAC than H. Fear, shame, PRIDE (yes, PM you got that right), all thrown up by Drac as roadbloacks,, plus the DRUG. I don't know if it is the DRUG of the HO or the perceived DRUG of " FREEDOM/ENTITLEMENT", but it's the drug.

Ok, I have read and understand my position. It hasn't changed. THAT IS the surprise for Drac, isn't it? The SURPRISE of trying to provoke me into being the OLD BUGS.

He called this am as we were getting ready to leave for the cemetary. I asked about his benefit dinner last night. He went info great detail about it,,,a 1 yr old little boy needing bone marrow,,, how HIS donation brought in a lot of money,,, how he and the guys he was with were swabbed and intend to register as donors.

I kept right on the mark,, supporting, admiring, praising his "giving" nature. How there is nothing greater than the gift of LIFE. It wasn't an act,,,, I truly believe what I said to him.

So, I told him we'd miss him today. He said he was going with his friend R to hang out and get away from R's wife. Not a good friendship in MHO. But, I don't criticize right now.

We talked about what the kids and I were doing. After the cemetary, we go to the park for a lunch. He knows this, but acted really odd when I talked about it. I said I would bring DSS over to FILs house after, but he said he'd come here to get him. He acted funny when I talked about it being after the park, and for a change he hung up first.

We went as planned. Drac's ENTIRE family were so nice and supportive. Everyone made a point to talk to me,,, to mention that they knew, even if they just found out about Drac,,,to say that I'll always be part of the family, ask me to keep coming around,,admired how I don't talk negative about Drac, that I admit to not being perfect,,,it was all great.

We'd been home only about 20 minutes when Drac walked in the door.

Think I'd better post this before I time out. Be back in a sec.

Plan B time

are you ready?

Can you get the house locks changed legally?

Ahhh,, I typed a big long post and come back to see Pep with the ULTIMATE question.

Who ever said you could not be DIRECT??? No one!! ha!

The answer to that is YES. Been ready, I think, for a while.

So, first here's my previously typed post and then we'll get back to the Plan B Plan! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So, Drac walks in and greets the kids. He stands holding DD for a long time, talking to her and trading kisses. I go about what I’m doing and then come in.

He continues to hold her and she tells him she is going to an Aunt’s house tonight to spend the night and play with a cousin. He says, Oh really and then proceeds to ask her all about who was there today. She tells him and then looks to me to confirm. We go through everyone.

One woman was mentioned and he says, “She is divorcing X. “I said, yes, I know, but I think it’s the other way around. He said “Well, if you knew her, you’d understand”

I didn’t bit with any comments

I do a few things and then sit down on the couch, petting one of the cats. He turns and sits down on the opposite couch. He asks DD, so how did all of this come about. As if there is some kind of conspiracy or something! She explains very simply about them asking, getting permission and it’s done.

I asked him if he wants to pick her up from THAT Aunt’s house tomorrow or the other one that usually baby sits for us? He had “assumed” it was going to be in the AM,,, which explains his pissy attitude,,,,,,,,, that HIS life was being affected and HE had no input. DUH? I said, no, they are going to have her all day. The question is where do YOU want to pick her up tomorrow after work since I’ll be out of town on business?

His attitude changed a bit then.

I will be gone on business, leaving tomorrow am and getting back late on Wed. So, we then get to WHY he sat down in the first place.

He says, “We are leaving for the lake on Thurs. Since that is YOUR usual night with the kids do you want to keep them Wed night?”

I explained that I won’t be flying in until late on Wed. This seemed to disturb him. TYPICAL WH attitude,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, HE decides what the plan SHOULD be and if I don’t’ follow along, then it’s PROBLEM.

Add on top of that the fact that I didn’t fly off the handle that HE made plans on MY NIGHT with the kids!!! OMG!!! Where’s that big B-atch that I’m supposed to be? Why am I being calm, cool, and Nice??? WTF???

I merely said that if I get done with my business, I will try to catch and earlier flight, but I can’t say for sure when I’ll be back.

He seemed to be totally in a daze and off track. So, I took the opportunity to compliment him on his baseball hat looking good. It was the one that I brought him from the Kentucky Derby! &#61514;
So, he proceeds to leave with DSS. He says, So, will you call me and let me know what’s up with you?

I said, I will call the kids every day as usual! Bye Sweetie!

Goddess mode. TOTALLY NOT what he’d been prepped for. TOTALLY not what HE’D do if the roles were reversed!

HA HA HA! I HAVE a PLAN!! I AM the NEW Bugs!! Like it or not, it’s just a fact.

So,, I have to tell you, INAH,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, you brought me to tears again today for the second time.

I am NOT a big crier! But darn it, those heart felt, loving, generous prayers just bring me to my knees. THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!

To read the words that I am an inspiration to someone else in this same kind of horrible experience just amazes me. I started off admiring Lil Sis,,, and I “still” do, oh so much!! I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be the object of someone else’s admiration.

We ALL are here just doing the best we can in the Worst of situations. But, going through it together, getting advice from very knowledgeable folks, and holding one another up, is what makes it bearable.

So, praying God breaks Drac’s PRIDE and ADDICTION,,,, as well as everything PM and INAH, and Mimi, and everyone else prayed for us today!!

God bless and thank you all!!

So, a few questions about going to Plan B.

Is it required to start a new thread????

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Seriously, WE ALL know it's time. It's necessary. It's the ONLY way.

The only questions are WHEN and HOW?

I am leaving tomorrow am for 3 days out of town for business. The next day Drac and the kids go out of town for a Lake trip.

In between?? When he gets back?? The time is ripe.

I am thinking that it should ben when I get back from my business trip. Give him the letter when I go by FIL's to see the kids. It is a result of my having "alone time" to think about the sitch,,, then gives him the lake weekend to have to absorb it. NO BUGS fixes during the lake trip.

Comes back to a Whole New World??

I think I like it.

I like it too.

Not when & how, it is more r u ready? Is your mind and heart in sync? No matter what the WS does will you be on course? You need t/b stable, know yourself well B4 you go into plan B. Why? Because plan B will rock the boat. Many a WS will start to have fits. Like how dare you implement a plan B into their world. How can the WS control you if you are in plan B? Plan B is a powerful tool but you must learn HOW to use it.

Clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience. The WS has a tantrum and say....ok, let's D.

Plan B: c/b no comment or if you choose to come out of it (make sure you are in it a while), you can reverse babble, like: Ok, get the D. But you gotta mean it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Bugs:

Drac is toast.

SH rocked his world to the core.

HE talked to Ho. And HO set him STRAIGHT.

"Go back and tell her to stop manipulating you!"

ANd that didn't work did it.

You responded in New BUGS Goddess mode.

The LOGIC Lines all lead to Bugs.

But if he suddenly goes there, everything, EVERTHING, from the last eight months is history. A twisted, misguided history.

Because the NEW BUGS responds.... NOT the Old BUGS. Pretty hard to justify his last eight months.

I would ask him to call SH again, and even set up the appointment. Because he made the call. However Drac never talked to you after the phone call. He got to HO first. DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN!.

Next time, you talk to him. And ASK him how it went. HE hesitated telling you last time. Don't allow the hesitanccy to happen this time.

Your H has to accept that everything he has done for the past 8 months is wrong, and SH laid out the path, and BUGS has opened the door for him And H knows that SH has provided him with how BUGS has changed.

Then he talks to HO.

And when DRAC attacks BUGS, She smiles sweetly and states the truths that SH, MB, and BUGS KNOWS by heart now.

The next day, his lack of going to the cemetary? Another thing to answer for.

Therefore the reason for the talktive WH the next day.

After that?

Plan B.

Time to force a choice.

HE's in sales, your in sales, time to put the offer on the table.

HO

or

BUGS.



BUGS,

No matter what happens to DRAC, I believe that SH prierced the Bubble. That's why I posted my story on your thread, earlier. I thought that Drac may respond the same way, or see other things more clearly quickly. And you might need to be prepared for the flood that might come from that.

But you have come so far. I only hope that Drac deserves you when this is all over.

((((bugs))) and (((H))) (he's in pain, and could probably use a hug as well)

LG

Orchid,

Oh Yes. Double, triple yes I have heart and mind in sync for Plan B.

Will it be easy? No. Will I doubt myself? Yes. Will I want to give in at times? Yes.

YET do I understand the reason and power or a good Plan B? Yes!

Will I count on you all to help me? He77 yeah!

Here's the latest from today

Drac called tonite but I missed his call. Called him back and he said he wanted to know about tomorrow pick up w/DD

Bullsh*t. He was trying to engage me in a fight.

He was angry and harsh. After I volunteered many options, he tells me FIL will pick up DD, he just needed to know what time

I finally said, why didn't you just say FIL will pick her up? What are you so mad about?

He said, something about how I was interfering w/his family.

I reminded him of my offer for him to take the kids today to HIS family event but he said NO

He stuck to his line that none of his family told him about it. I responded that both FIL and Aunt said they'd told him. I was sorry if that was not the case.

I then pointed out to him that if I were being the b*tich, I would have thrown a fit today when he told me that he was taking the kids to the lake beginning on MY night w/them after I had to be out of town for 3 days.

It IS MY night. I could have made a HUGE deal about HIM making plans on MY night, but I did not

I asked him, 'do you have a clue why!'

He said no

I said 'Because it is important that you have a great R with them. It is important that Your needs R met. Your hapiness and the kids happiness is very important to me. I am able to put YOUR happiness before my own, even if you refuse to see it ' I know I said this forcefully and in a pissed off voice a couple of ways

I then said, 'I have to go. I love you and will talk to you tomorrow' and hung up.

I Know he was 'out' because he said 'thank you' to someone as if he were being served something while we were talking

I called FIL and he was in his room and did not know Drac was out.

So, I think I held my own, despite being upset.

Do I reek of garlic? The anti-vampire scent?

LG - my 'main' main, UPS delivery man, and Bosley!

I hope the flood comes! You give me such great insight!

Your story amazes me! I think of you and Drac in a similar way,,, Very intelligent guys who have done REALLY STUPID things.

I only hope end results are the same. I would LOVE for Drac to someday be here helping a BS into recovery with her WH!

I hope that one day soon I can tell Drac he got a {hug} from a guy he never met at a time that he needed, but did not necessarily deserve it!

Agree with you up to this point, LG...



I wouldn't recommend this 'cause it puts Bugs into the OLD BUGS ROLE where DRAC says that she is CONTROLLING, MANIPULATING, calling the shots..He would just LOVE for her to do this at this point...and plus, if she asks him to call, he won't...he has said that he doesn't want to feel controlled and manipulated. I don't think he's ready to learn anything else from Steve right now. He opened up the door and got OVERWHELMED...frightened by the BRIGHT LIGHT..and, of course, THE CROSS, that was waving...

But I do think Bugs should talk to Steve before going into PLAN B.



You must be a different sort of guy, LG. Drac sounds like my H. They don't find it ATTRACTIVE for us to try to BE IN CHARGE OF THEM, wanting to "BE THE MAN" and "CALL THE SHOTS".



I AGREE that this has definitely OCCURRED....and WH HATES THIS..he is losing his RATIONALIZATION for staying in the A...

Bugs, if you have the funds, do another session with Steve to see what he says. I know it's costly. It was for me but it was well worth it.

Today's Scripture for BUGS

“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our inner strength in the Lord is growing every day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16)

Paul explained to the church at Corinth that giving up is not an option for a true Christian. As a follower of God, you are to fight the good fight in God’s strength and never surrender or give up. Being faithful means holding tight through tough and seemingly impossible times. Keep pushing whether you feel like it or not; keep going even when you run out of strength. Do the right thing, even when the wrong thing happens to you. In order to win the battle, you have to step out and take part in the struggle. Only after fighting the good fight can you experience the good victory that God has in store for you!

God, thank You for giving Bugs the strength to fight the good fight. Help her to keep her eyes on You for the endurance to keep moving forward. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

WONDERFUL, INEED!!!

Thank you. That is inspirational for me, too, this morning.

You are speaking MY BELIEFS!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mimi:

About the scheduled call with SH?

She had set up the first one. Having a time available, whether or not Drac uses it or Bugs, it works for me. But there has to be a TIME. Because Drac responded to that the first time.

Just like your H, What SH has told him is working on him.

My point about discussing with Drac the phone call with SH, after the fact, is simply to allow Bugs the opportunity to re-affirm what SH has said to Drac. But its coming from Bugs. Drac was "hanging" on the phone, and Bugs wanted to ask but didn't. Next time, IF THERE IS ONE!, Bugs should just ask, "how did it go?" And then wait for him. He may, or may not, want to talk about it. But is appears that he did the first time. And when he did get to talk about it, it was with HO.

Drac had been away from HO for a while. Or at least had cooled somewhat, and had been working with BUGS. He would have never agreed to talk with SH if he was in deep with HO right now.

But Friday night at the HO-down, went either very well, or very badly. I presume: badly. Therefore, came the BIG Pushback against BUGS, and its all her fault.

Drac had to justify his investment in HO. And he wasn't getting it. He wanted the drug back, but he wasn't getting the drug either. His discussion with HO that night? About his phone call with SH, and nothing about that phone call charmed HO.


And lastly, Mimi, about this:

You must be a different sort of guy, LG.

Well, Duh!

LG

LG;
I think you're right about the HO-down. It would have worked if Bugs could have gotten his buy-in on the "experiment" right away.
But something got between the Call-with-Steve and the Talk-with-Bugs.
I think Ho is playing games with him. You heard a rumor about her seeing XBF? I think she's trying to make Drac jealous. The postcard? Trying to cause trouble. I think Drac isn't moving fast enough for her so she's resorting to playing games. Taking away the candy.
That's why you have Drac b**ching about how long this is all taking and its messing up his plans. What it is TRULY messing up is his affair! (Yayyyy!)

Honey, Plan B is necessary. I know you were hoping to avoid it, but don't worry. This whole plan is working....

Get your letter ready. Put your intermediary on Red Alert.
Get some moving boxes. Make a list of your spoiling yourself options (pedicures!) Have a whole list of pick-me-ups and distractions available.
How will you contact DD when she is with him? One of those kid cell phones? That only calls Mommy and Daddy?
How will you handle DSS? You still get to have him right?
Let FIL in on what you're doing.

Plan B is speaking loud and clear "This is not working"

Bugs setting up another SH/Drac phone call is Bugs bugging Drac

PLAN B is for YOU
to get your mind and heart AWAY from the drama

another SH phone call is a wonderful thing ... if DRAC does it all on is own

you led the horse to the water
he took a sip
and spit it out

no more conversations

time for action on your part (and Drac's too)

talk is

blah
blah
blah

at this point

pointless

let's SEE Drac DO something[color:"blue"] in the light

Yep. I agree with Pep.

OT: Pep, I nearly spit out my coke when I read your tag. LOL!