OK, I have to say it:

You did mah-ve-lous.

You are a Plan A miracle!
You will be the example for the future newcomers.
Wow.

YES!!

BUGSY is definitely a SHINING STAR!!

Wow! Thanks everyone!

Somehow it did not feel like I did anything special.

I find it very interesting that Drac left early, and his total negative attitude he gave me in our conversation last night.

In the past, he would have NEVER left an event early and certainly would not have found fault with so many things.


Seems his self described CHANGE of attitude is coming out more and more. It is NOT attractive at all!

He really sounded and was acting like a jerk about the whole day and a lot of the people,,,,that is NOT him.

Am thinking the whole story was either an excuse so he could justify leaving early for a ho fix,,

OR

He was not comfortable there with me in attendance. ?

OR

A combination of both?


His comment about my having 'willing' guys around surprised me. I did not bother to try to see if he was taking any notice of me at all. Maybe he did

This am he was VERY late dropping off DSS,,in fact, we met each other in the sitter's drive. He said he overslept. Bet he did not go home at the time he said he was.

I would LOVE to think he was up all night struggling with his feelings about me!!

I know, I know,,STOP thinking about what he may or may not be thinking!

As I won't be able to do that in Plan B,,,if I want to stay sane, am allowing myself just a bit of it now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
UGH.

I did send him a tm last night that DD and I were snuggling in bed, she was running a fever, and we both wished he was there with us.

No comment or reply from Drac.

Trying hard to feel mah-ve-lous today!

eaten up with jealousy....

my take (hehehehe)

If ONLY!

I think he's mainly BINGING..on that path to self-destruction..which involves poor job performance..the whole bit..

In terms or your MARRIAGE, it's a GOOD THING..cause he's gotta reach HIS BOTTOM...

Sad for HIM as a person though..when and if he returns to ya, BUGSY, he will be BROKEN...

That's how come we gotta help you STAY STRONG....

Bugs:

Yes, you were the GODDESS.

DRAC does UNDERSTAND and NOTICES the difference between you and HO.

He doesn't play golf, so the whole day is somewhat trying for him.

Wrong Team
Someone who was rude to him about his treatment of you was around.
And EVERYONE was a friend of yours
And EVERYONE wanted you at the outing

But you only had EYES for him.

And he was lousy to you.

His Attorney is going to look him in the eye on Monday and ask him if he "KNOWS WHAT THE ****** HE IS DOING?"

Therefore, HE HAS to be LOUSY to YOU.

Cause he took the first opportunity to cut out of the outing and go to be with HO.

And the comparisions really, really suck.

All DRAC can think about is: "Darn YOU, BUGS! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO MAR-VEL-OUS!"

Plan A has gone on long enough.

Do not try anything special or expect much on his B-Day. That will be a definate HO day, and DRAC will be in full fang.

You were great.

Sorry that DRAC is such a jerk.

LG

LOL, LG.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Full Fang! LMAO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mimi & LG.

I do think he is headed on a downward spin and I have to let him go there on his own.

It will be up to him to crawl out of the hole. I will just have to wait and see if it is H or Drac that appears.

Yep, I know Bday will be big time Ho day.

Yet, in the spirit of a bang up finish to Plan A, I will put myself out there one last time.

Was thinking of putting together a photo album and maybe a cd to go along with it as a bday present.

I plan to ask him to let me & the kids take him out for dinner for his bday. I know he will decline, but will ask anyway (carrot).

He told me last night that he bought tickets to take the kids to see the new Harry Potter movie. Kind of bums me out as I was the one who got us all started on that as a family.

The kids have their bday gifts for him. I will help them wrap them tonight and have their cards ready for him.

If (when) he declines dinner, I will ask when he can come by to get his gifts,,,,hopefully I will have decided/completed what I will give him.

Open for suggestions.

PERFECT..playing up the HISTORY!!



Have on his FAVORITE type of OUTFIT to SEE you in...play up the VISUALS..create a MEMORY of YOURSELF...

Hand him that FAVORITE DRINK of his...

Anything special that U cook that he loves to eat?

Focus on how much you LOVE HIM and how much you ADORE him..BEHAVIORALLY MANIFEST THAT....if not by TOUCHING him, through looks into his eyes...standing close..you know the deal here, Bugsy....

Bugs;
I know you laughed at my jealousy comment. But you need to know there is an element to that running through his head CONSTANTLY!

First I pictured my kids meeting OM. I KNEW they would have HATED him. I knew my life would have been a constant tug-of-war between my kids and OM. (and Drac will have that same issue between kids and HO, if they know she is the enemy.)

I then pictured my XH (who had done all the right things -- including not having an affair, and trying to save the marriage) And I pictured him with a new GF. Everyone was so HAPPY for him...and fully approved and loved new GF.
His family (who shunned me) loved her. My kids liked her.
I pictured them doing all kinds of things together as a family....and I knew that would never happen for me with OM.

So -- some things that would have really impacted me were:

1) having ANYONE in XH's family show me compassion instead of silence.
2) having XH reinforce the idea that I would be replaced.

About the family stuff:

When this all got exposed, BH's family (understandably) rallied around him and supported him.
What disappointed me was that not one single member of that family ever approached me to talk/listen/offer help to us.
I was a member of that family for 20 years and in one instant I was out. Completely out.

So when I was on the fence, that factored heavily into my feelings that everything had gone too far, was unfixable. Not only did I have doubts that BH would really change and really forgive me; I was certain that his family would never forgive me.

How has your family treated Drac?

It sounds like he was very uncomforable in his own skin.

He's playing a sport he's not good at and golf is pretty unforgiving.

He's surrounded by people who don't condone his behaviour.

You are fun, lite, and looking good. No one is going to come up to him and say "I can see why you dropped her!"

He felt like a POS but he!! would freeze over before he admits it.

IF he did go see OW, it's because right now he sees her as the only person who DOESN'T have these views of him. She is still kissing his butt.

Mimi,

Yes,,, I know the Plan A drill! ha! Thanks for the tips and reminders!!

Lexxy,

Drac has convinced himself that the kids will all be A-Okay with the Ho. Remember the weekend he was "making that point to me" when he took them all to the fair together? So, he's justified that they will be just fine on that end.

Now with regards to me replacing him,,,, I don't know. I know a friend of mine brought this up to him before with little reaction from him. HE, himself, has said to ME several times that I'll find someone. This was around the time he "thought" I was seeing someone, so maybe it was a bluff to cover his anger. He did admit a few days ago that he was angry when he thought I was seeing someone. So,,,, I am unsure on the replacement of him idea having much impact.

I see what you are driving at in regards to the family thing. He has always thought my sisters & Mom are VERY judgmental and often negative towards the men in the family. I KNOW he is holding on to that big time. HOWEVER, the couple of times he has seen my family since this started, they were all cordial to him.

Yet, he knows that in their minds, he is currently a POS. Honestly, it would be a big climb back with them. We are all very close and they hate that he has hurt me this way. HOWEVER,,,,,,,if he would want to work things out, they would support me if that is what I wanted to do. They would accommodate and be willing to accept him back. It would take time to get back to where they were before with him, but they would do whatever I ask of them in that regard, even if they DISAGREE with my decision.

My DAD has had at least 2 affairs on my mom. Most recently about 7 years ago. Drac was in the family at that time. He knows that we felt horrible,,,,we were very angry with Dad,,,,,but totally supported Mom's decision to stay with him. We have also forgiven him, although none of us will ever forget. Drac knows this.

I am sure he is holding on to that,,,, that the family wouldn't accept him back. I don't know what I can do about that, expect try to fit into the conversation sometime that he knows they would support me no matter WHAT I decide to do,,, including us being together.

FCF,

I think you really hit the nail on the head. He was NOT comfortable in his own skin. THAT was what I was seeing/hearing.

Personally, I think it was a GOOD dose of reality for him. I am sure that it did drive him back to the Ho, for the very reason you stated.

YET,,,, this is a good thing, yes??

They can't separate themselves forever from reality. The fact that this was a WORK function, that this is part of his DAILY reality had to really hit him hard. Sure, they can run off with a group of "friends" that support them on the weekends or at night, but he has to face work every day. Knowing what you stated. And, having to hear/see Bug's successes, how others admire her, perhaps reminders of what he is giving up, and they are all things he's trying VERY hard to ignore. Right??

Yes, the ho is still kissing his butt. Yet, I am HOPING that my Plan A is also having an effect. I may not be kissing his butt the same way, I haven't really done much LB'ing, so I have a few positives on my side as well (I hope)???

I don't see your plan A as being the same as OW's butt kissing, but maybe I'm way off base on that.

I see him being able to go to OW and play up the poor me bull crap and she eats it up/eggs it on.

Around you and peers, that crap doesn't get him very far.

The way he was acting reminds me of someone who smokes crack and has to be around a bunch of "straight" people for hours. After a while he just can't take it and he has to go see his enabling, crack smoking OW. (Just an analogy, I don't really think he smokes crack.)

I agree, Plan A is NOT the same as what she is doing.

I meant only as a possible 'positive' on MY end.

Your analogy above makes sense to me, thanks.

Having had a lot of dope smokin friends in the past, and having them say pretty much the same thing to me, I 'get' it.

Here's the question, though.

His peers/my peers are one in the same. He HAS to face work/them everyday.

Is that a good thing?

I agree that what you are doing is more positive, I hope you didn't think I was saying otherwise.

Not at all!

I appreciated your pointing out that they are really on 2 different levels, just as I am on a different level than the ho.

Of course, I am on the HIGH road! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am still wondering about Drac's daily reality at work after yesterday, if that dose of reality was good.

Although his messed up interpratation of it puts a whole different spin on things.

About the photos... that could be very painful for WS. When my FWH was "out there", he came over one evening and I had our box of family photos out going through them. He could barely stand to look at them! In fact, he only looked at 2-3 before he suddenly had to be somewhere. He couldn't argue with the evidence in the photos-- that we'd had a good life full of happy times and shared so many memories that he could never erase or rewrite.

I think the photos idea is an excellent one.