FYI -- I think this ups his expectations of the HO.
He's starting to realize what this is costing him. And he is going to have BIG expectations of her to compensate.
This is a GREAT time for Plan B.

Thanks, PM. I think I saw his head to the Exorcist spin at one point today already!

Lexxx,

Custody is NOT at issue at all

My move is not an issue

I keep my 401K. We sell a timeshare and the property we were going to build on. We split the payments til they are sold.

We agreed on childsupport, pretty much. He has to produce documents to show the $ on healthcare costs.

So, IF he wants to keep the house & the boat, he has to pay up. Unless he cane produce the above mentioned documentation, I should be getting what I asked for.

I will have to playout tonight VERY carefully. I can not be TOO happy or upbeat.

Geez, what a ride.

Gotta get to some work I need done today.

don't bet on this Bugs.... He sounds like a narcissist and he may even change lawyers if he doesn't like what his is telling him. I know one guy "blessed" with a similar personality that took his wife to court and ended up with about 1/2 of custody and financial he would have gotten had they settled, but he was sure he was right, could not be told no, that the rules didn't apply, etc.

Be prepared for the worst and let's hope that he settles. I wouldn't give an inch and don't think you have to either.

Bugs:

Quite the contrast, wasn't it?

Surprised he didn't have HO with him. Typical of the WH/WW to do that.

"See how great WE are!"

Why are you worried about tonight?

His Anger.

His Discomfort.

His Decisions...

Are not yours.

"I do marriage, my attorney does divorce...." (BTW, seems to be doing it better, as well!)

"BUGS, YOU, and YOU and YOU!!!!"

Bugs responds calmly:

"Drac, this is MY house, you have decided to live elsewhere. If you want to move back in and work on OUR M, I'm ready to talk. Otherwise, call my attorney."

Look him in the eye, and then ask him to calm down, or leave.

Sorry, DRAC.

To paraphase the Insurance Company: "Life comes at your FAST"

He just might be able to read the signboard before he is crushed: KARMA BUS

Stay strong!

LG

Thx LG!

I only wish that the Karma Bus ran on a regular schedule so I could track it!!

Thanks for laying out the evening action/responses so well. Even though the Goddess should have known those things, she is just a tiny bit discombobulated this afternoon!

UGH - If he had brought the Ho with him I do not think I could have kept my cool! So GLAD that did not happen!

Wow... Drac doesn't seem to realize that there is a difference between what he wants the way the law is written. You are entitled to things like half the value of the house or boat.

Besides, it's not like you WANTED any of this. He can just get used to having things not got the way he WANTS for a change!!

BTW - Sounds like you did great Bugs!!!!!

Awesome job Bugs

What state do you live in? Can you afford half the bills? did you happen to find out how long after you settle things the D will be final?

SG

Typical WS thinking that the BS wants their happiness so bad that they (the BS) will give up assets just to make the WS happy.

Typical WS thinking that the BS will prove their love by giving in.

FCF,

Oh yes, don't you know that if things do not go as Drac PLANS then it is all wrong? Which, in typical WS thinking is EXACTLY one of the things he says is true about ME:)

SG,

I am paying virtually half of everything now. I am VERY Blessed to have a great job and am financially secure in my own right.

Truth is, I am MORE secure than Drac, which is another reason this makes him so MAD. He has not been as personally responsible, but with me along all this time, it was ok. Now the REALITY is hitting him and his fantasy playboy life may be going down the tubes, but he does not want to admit it.

I have virtually NO personal debt other than my car so I am in great shape.

No, I do not know when things might be final.

Lexxxy,

Yes, I am supposed to roll over and do whatever makes HIM happy.

As you said before, he has yet to figure out that it is only thru a change in HIM will he ever find his way to true happiness.

But, that is not for me to do, that is for him. I can only control me.

He believes I GAVE everything to my first husband and am now TAKING everything from him! My first husband split everything 50/50. It was completely equal, and no kids involved which made it less complicated. I felt lucky to come out of that with none of his drug issues following me!

Whatever Drac can twist around right now, he will.

That's on him.

Bugs is doing what is right for her and DD right now

Maybe someday Drac will also want to do what is right for us, too.

There ya go! Drac is on his own.

Well Mr Nice Drac showed up tonight. BIG BIG surprise!

First he actually CALLED me to let me know when he would be here to get DSS. Then when he came in, the first thing he did was hand me tickets and parking passes for the weekend event that he had promised me (I think he REALLY wants the tent back)

He asked, nicely, if I wanted to talk about today. I said no. The kids walked in so I could not continue. He then said if he could get the files of bills from 2003 and 2004 he could provide the ONLY thing HE had been asked for today

I told I would look for them. He said, they should be in the files downstairs if I can go look. I said sure, as I KNEW they were not there. I did follow him down to 'help look'. He then tells me that his friend C has our riding lawn mower, just so that I don't think he was trying to 'pull' something. Then he went on about how if I wanted a riding mower he thought I'd want an automatic, but whatever, I could let him know

FUNNY, I happen to KNOW that C's DAD, not DRAC went to help him mow this weekend. I will confirm tomorrow if Drac was there or not.

Anyway, he did not find what he was looking for and then mentioned something again about today, so I told him 'if you want to talk about moving home and working on the M I will be glad to discuss it. Otherwise, yoy can talk to my a'. He ignored that completely

We came upstairs and he ck'd another file with no luck. Then he and DSS left. Again, he was very nice.

He WANTS something - the obvious thing is the files he needs. OR he is UP to something. OR BOTH.

Gotta feed DD. Will ck back later

Bugs!

Great Job!

Boy, doesn't DRAC want something?

Just needed ONE thing from him.....

OMG. Your Killing him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love your description of him with his head in his hands.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Now:

Where's that letter....?

Bugs: Is your head and Heart insync with this Plan B? Make sure....

I think you are ready, but be sure ok?

And hey, where did I see this line:

"'if you want to talk about moving home and working on the M I will be glad to discuss it. Otherwise, yoy can talk to my a'"

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Clear sailing tommorrow!

LG

Bugs:

One last thing.

His Attorney talked to him after the court meeting.

He Said: "Drac I would like to introduce you to your A$$. It was just handed to me by Bugs Attorney."

Drac, as your Friend. "You have to FIX this. Cause you don't have much backside left"

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LG

LOL....

BUGS:

I'm praying for you sweetie....

Please find time to go to rejoiceministries.com.

That has been such a help giving me scriptures and the attitude to stand for my husband. Even if you do end up divorced, you can still pray and pray hard and God will lead him back to you.

Do you have the patience to wait for God's Will and God's time ?

I know you do !!!!!!

Don't let the enemy get you down. The enemy wants you to give up and let go. It does not matter about a piece of paper. Do you think GOD recognizes paper ???? NO he does not !!! God recognizes the promised you made to Drac and to HIM.

I did not realized as I prayed today for all prodigal spouses and for anyone going into the courts that I would be praying for you too. Sorry I took a couple day break.


You don't have to agree, you don't have to sign. And you don't have to give up on him just because of a piece of paper. When it is God's time, if you keep your faith God will give you the desires of your heart !!!!


"Dear Lord, I just ask you right now to put your armour onto BUGS. THe enemy is really trying to seperate what you have joined together Lord. You gave bugs a helper suited for her Lord, and right now we just pray for her prodigal spouse.

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen Bugs and Drac with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through
faith. And I pray that Bugs and Drac , being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is
the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that Bugs and Drac may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do
immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:16-20


".... We have not stopped praying for Bugs and Drac asking God to fill Bugs and Drac with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we
pray this in order that Bugs and Drac may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,
being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that Bugs and Drac may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who
has qualified Bugs and Drac to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the
kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." Colossians 1:9-14

Thanks INeed for the continued prayers. Seems we were both praying the same thing yesterday!

LG,

I have my PBL right here. I heard back from my A yesterday. She is advising that it would be OK to send hin the 'schedule' but to hold off telling hin to 'lose my number' until the settlement is agreed upon.

I do not know what to think about that. PBL right now may cause Drac to try to pull more [email]cr@p[/email] in the settlement. I do not know.

I know my heart & mind ARE in sync at this point. He has pushed me almost to the point of giving up completely, ALMOST.

I forgot that last night before he walked out the door that he made a point the thank me for his birthday gift. The 2nd & 3rd seasons of the tv show Rescue Me. He was telling me about the episodes we had missed.

I was surprised he said anything, as he had already left me a vm thanking me on his bday.

I sent him a couple of funny emails this am, as last night DD called him to say goodnight and I was a bit short on the phone with him. Trying to do a bit Plan A before the PBL.

My oldest sister called last night. She said 'now you haven't said again how you can still work this out have you? I will kick your butt if you say it again'

Now I know she loves me and from her POV, there is no forgiving what Drac has done and she does not think his character is suffucient. She does not see that he is good enough for me, even if we would get past this.

Hard knowing that she does not understand.

I realized I will not be seeing Drac tonight. I have a haircut appt so he 'should' pick up DSS before I am home.

However, tomorrow night I will be taking him the tent for his biker weekend. Am thinking of PBL then.

I just am hesitant to go against my A's advise.

Thoughts?

Your attorney wants you to "play nice" to coax more money out of Drac.

Do you really think Drac will give in because you are nice?
Do you think you are inclined to give up when he's mean?
Its the same principle.

Leave it up to your attorney to negotiate the divorce.
I don't think you need to participate in it by playing nice.

Its time for Drac to see what divorce-world is like, while there is still time to prevent it from becoming reality.

Are you fully prevented from contact? Did you get the kids cell-phones yet? Did you block text messaging from your phone? Is your intermediary on red-alert?

Have you found a house yet?

Seriously --
Don't go to Plan B if you're still going to see his texts.
If he can still reach you by phone, if he'll circumvent your plan b by calling your phone to talk to kids.
So don't do it until you have phone numbers to give him for calling the kids.
You're not ready if you'll have to listen to his voice on voice mail.

Put your walls up FIRST. Then Plan B.

I guess what I am saying is: I don't think you're ready.

Don't discount the importance of having all of this thought out.

In your plan B letter, you need to provide him with the acceptable ways for him to contact DD and DSS while in your care. In a way that allows you to protect yourself.
Him calling a phone that you might answer is not acceptable.
You shouldn't even have to screen calls...it will trigger you to even see his phone number on caller ID.

Lexxxy,

Ready except for the house.

I am going to contact my real estate agent today to make another offer on one. Also going to ask if she wants to list the other property that we agreed to sell. I know she would work hard on my behalf.

To be honest, yes Drac will be more inclined to cooperate if I am nice, even if I am not doing what he wants. YET, I DO realize that the more I do NOT do what he wants, the more mean he will be anyway. And, no I won't give up if he is mean.

It is the conflict avoider in me and the scared part coming out. Scared of losing what I have worked for both financially and in regards to my M.

For the first time in a Long time I am wishy washy and am not sure WHY.

Ugghh

If these are the only 2 major issues left, then I don't see how your Plan B will affect this. Both of these should be negotiated between the attorneys. There is no need for you to directly discuss these with DRAC. I don't see him telling the Judge, "But Judge, BUGS doesn't want to have ANY contact with me now. Because she's being so mean, shouldn't I get more out of the house and get the boat?" Your Plan B has nothing to do with these issues.

I would understand what your attorney is saying if one of the issues involved the children, but it doesn't. You're not saying that you WON'T cooperate in the settlement negotiations, you're saying you don't want to deal with DRAC directly about anything for now.

This is my opinion. Maybe others have differing views?