Post deleted by Alphin

my 2 cents....

my ex was pretty much an absent father when we were together. the kids were my responsibility and he went off and literally did whatever he wanted to do all the time.

it was a struggle when he first left to get him to spend any amount of time with them, and he NEVER called them. he moved in with ow and got a bug up is a** that he was going to show her what a good father he was. he tried to get the courts to give him full custody. that did not go too far. now that custody is decided, he has them when he is supposed to but he never ever calls them when he doesn't have them. this i do NOT understand. i call them everyday they are with their father, just to say i love you and am thinking about you.

mine teeters. some times he wants them a lot, others he does not. it goes back and forth. he has never been a steady constant in their lives, i have. my kids, and yours, will remember who the steady constant was. through all of this mess my kids and i have gotten much closer as well. they are clinging to you and getting closer to you because they know that you are their security. they know where they are safe! they know who they can count on.

be encouraged in that.
mlhb

Hi Alph,

Here's my example that I'm going through,so you are not alone:

My ex told our kids sometime last week that he was going to New Mexico,on "vacation" or that work was "paying" for this trip.Now I only found that out but trying to find out where the kids cell phone went as they always seem to lose it on his weekends with them.

Anyway,he hasn't called in days now.So,after some thought and knowing all the patterns,I am 99% sure he is actually not in NEW Mexico,but MEXICO because he hasn't called the kids and he doesn't e-mail either.He does this disappearing act when he is out of the country.

What makes me upset is the deception,again,and the lies he tells the kids.Plus,what if there were some emergency? I couldn't reach him as I don't even know for sure where he is ( guessing Mexico).Mexico is also the place the homewrecker used to go with her friend and probably talk about her new "man", the husband of another woman,etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

One thing's for sure,when these WS's or exWS's get bogged down in their own little world and problems or OP then the kids don't get contacted as much right? The other thing too is they don't really understand what he is doing.He disappears when he wants,sees them only EOW and switches his schedules according to work.

Unlike you,however,I have not become closer to my oldest teen as she is going through some major changes that are a bit scary.I wonder if it is at all related to our family being broken up and the way my ex behaves now.She is derailed and not sure what the future holds anymore.Anyway I try to be as good a parent as I can and support her but it is so tough.Much worse than the "terrible twos'" which I would gladly revisit!

So,I don't think it's unusual for your ex not to call the kids.Maybe just maybe things aren't going so well in "paradise" you know? lol