Did I blow it? WH found out that I had talked to some more of OW family about the situation. They already knew about it but he went nuts that I went behind his back! Called me a lying b***** and that he WAS working on our M but not now. He didn't want to be with a liar whether it was me or OW. Seems to me that I just gave them a reason to be thrown together more passionately! They are in this against ME.. .talking, texting, etc non-stop! Saying ILY in front of me... It was horrible... I just kept saying that my motive behind everything I was doing was simply in trying to save our marriage...

This morning WH was better and told me not to give up yet, that he wasn't. But, it sure seems ominous....

Wow,he is MAD that you interfered with his affair?? I can't believe it!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Par for the course...

They are the crew members on the Titanic, desperately trying to save the sinking ship! But...........your exposure has inflicted a serious blow and the ship is slowly sinking, sinking, sinking......


OMG!! You devil, you "went behind his back??" bwahahaaa

Olive, I know this doesn't seem funny to you now, but everything your H said to you is exactly what ALL WS' say when their affairs are exposed. It is TEXTBOOK and it really is hilarious when you examine how goofy and irrational it is. It is all FOGBABBLE!


Let me get this straight. They "already knew about it" so why would it make a difference if you called them? LOL You were just telling them what they already knew, right? What could be wrong with that??


hahahaaa He was "working" on your marriage all along by having an affair. And now he is going to STOP?? Does that mean he is going to STOP his affair since that is his idea of "working on his marriage?"


You apparently do not live up to his high standards of honesty and fidelity! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Olive, it will be alright. The louder the pig squeals, the more effective your blow was. His anger will blow over, the damage you inflicted to the affair WILL NOT! You did great, girl!!

lonelyolive

look at the reality of their actions...

grown adults having tantrums...
grown adults texting eachother in front of you throwing around I LOVE YOU's...
that part is laughable...their actions are sooo far removed from God's love and it's gifts on earth it really is nothing but pathetic..

juvenile at best...paving the way to he## at worst...

God never meant for two people to use the word love as weapon as they are doing...

don't get excited about it...

and then lets talk about the irony of your husband calling YOU a LIAR>....

If you called TBS's promotion for their network...

you'd get

FUNNY
VERY FUNNY

your husband reacted like a teenage caught smoking and then being told they can't go on the ski trip....

wah wah wah wah.....

What you should do is LEAVE..
why are you being held captive to the drama...

get dressed and go out...

let him stew in it

don't powerstruggle it
don't react...

just get out and away...

all this unnecessary drama...

ughhh..

ALL BS need to become drama avoiders...

it does NO one good...

and in fact staying witness to too much WS drama can sometimes feed in to their thinking stage that this has gone "too far" and things can't ever be fixed..

much better to get out when it starts..

otherwise it just goes on and on and on...

ARK

I'm very sorry to hear that you have to experience this type of cruelty (ILYs in front of you, etc). You did the right thing, I think we would do the same as you: Expose, expose, expose. It makes sense to do so. Yes, every story/case here is different with very different dynamics, I can't help but think of two teenage aliens acting like idiots in front of you. Maybe that's the vision you should have in your head when you see them act like this.

Stay cool, stay calm, stay consistent, stay powerful.

Thanks Mel..It all just feels so ugly..

My WW called up a divorce lawyer the day I exposed. That was almost 3 months ago, and she hasn't hired a lawyer to this day.

It all blew over in about a week.

For the most part I kept my cool. I didn't get involved in the screaming match. Thanks to the advice already given to me by everyone here, I was able to keep my head.

my ex blew up BIG TIME. it did not blow over for him, but he holds on to resentments. by the time i exposed i knew we were beyond saving for the most part. my last ditch effort i guess. but as everyone has said, it is par for the course. they don't like their dirtiness being exposed. he was furious that i told his family, i told the military, i told them all.

he in turn just tried to turn it around on me by saying everyone thought i was nuts. whatever. i am not the one being a dirty disgusting pig now am i? i was called every name in the book, i was hung up on, i was screamed at, everything. he even told me he was just using ow, that she was a liar as well, that she was as cold and heartless and selfish as he was and that was why they got along so well.

and i wanted him back because??????
no thank you.

but for you, i do feel for you if you want to save your marriage. these principles do seem to work, so just try not to take what he says personally. he is throwing his 3 year old temper tantrum.. it will pass.

mlhb

I feel like asking him to leave. I don't know how much more lying and secrets I can take. I just found out from OWSIL that OWH told OW a few months back that he would forgive her and work on their M but she said she wouldn't end the affair. Also, WH asked if I told OWM that OW filed for D. I hadn't but now it makes sense.. She probably hasn't even done it. But even told WH that OWH had been served papers. She is the biggest liar out there!!!

I've also been told that OW is h***-bent on getting what she wants no matter who she hurts. Great... it's starting to sound like Fatal Attraction!

Hey Olive, don't ask your H to leave. Just be as polite as possible and don't allow him to bait you into a fight. Don't allow him to upset you with his FOGLATIN either. Just view him as you would a falling down drunk.

Continue to take any opportunity to disrupt his affair, though. If they have been lying to each other, then casually drop that into the conversation. Be CLEVER like a FOX, ok??

And don't allow him to make his affair phone calls in your presence. Politely tell him that will be not happening in your home and to please take his affair conversation up the street and out of YOUR HOME. The OW is to NEVER, EVER call your home.

NO reactive emotional outbursts

cool ... like me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
say very very little

when in doubt how to respond to stoopidchit

say:

"I want to thank you for sharing your perspective."

then just keep your mouth closed

Pep

I think I'm doing pretty good at keeping a cool head and my mouth shut. But it's really wearing me down. Talk about "Love Busters"!

I am just having a really hard time listening to all of the crazy justification of WHY it's ok to have an affair. Do WS(s) remember what idiots they have been once they are out of the A? It's like this isn't even my H talking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

lonelyolive..

do you have a date in your head to go to plan B...

time to wrap your thoughts around that..

time to slowly start writing your plan B letter..full of love and hope...

reality of you believing in yourself to not be part of a triangle....

whens your date

ARK

I had originally thought about March 31 but I don't think I can do this that long. So, maybe end of Feb. WH did say that if we separated it would be permanent and that he would be gone forever. I need to get that possibility straight in my head, too.

It isn't o.k. to have an affair, even it you treated him pretty poorly, an affair is a selfish response and is wrong. If you were such a terrible wife he should have just divorced you. Having an affair was his choice, let him own that .

He will be very mad about the exposue . . . he may stay mad for a very long time. It seems to me that a lot of WS do get over it (hey if you can get over the affair then he should surely get over you telling people about it).

If you H wants to separate, and he wants to badly enough, he will just leave. There is really nothing you can do to stop him from leaving, but I think you can influence his decision. Plan A him (meet the needs he has if he is willing to let you, don't love bust him, make the home an inviting place, etc). The one thing that I wouldn't do is make it easier for him to leave. I wouldn't help him to pack or to find a place to go. I certainly wouldn't tell him that it is o.k. with you for him to leave if you don't feel that way. Finally, if he does leave go and see a lawyer and find out what you must do to protect your financial interest.

Olive, that may well be the result, but his profession that it is over if you seperate is meaningless. Talk means NOTHING coming from a WS. He is a confused falling down drunk who has no idea what he wants.

I agree that you shouldn't stay in Plan A much longer. Your H and his ho are so FLAGRANT that it will drag you down quickly. One cannot go too long with that level of abuse without it harming you.

I would get all your ducks in a row. Contact a lawyer about a seperation agreement that will compel him to move out. Seperate your finances, etc. All of this will have to be worked out BEFORE you go into Plan B. Then once he is out for a couple of weeks, you would go dark in Plan B. But, you can't go into Plan B while he is still living there.

So, start thinking about you can best achieve this seperation, Olive, and get all your ducks in a row.