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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty and Openness
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Family Commitment
Admiration
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 271
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Honesty and Openness
Affection
Family Commitment
in that order
FWH: (not that you asked, but here it is)
Admiration
SF
RC
Me = FBS age 51
FWH = age 51
M 25 years, 2 children 16 and 20
D-Day 5/19/05
Recovered and happy
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Me:
SF
Affection
Admiration
When Mrs. MM starts posting, she can post hers!
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,423
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Affection
Recreational Companionship
Sexual Fulfillment
Honesty and Openness
Family Commitment
Conversation
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Admiration
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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1. twinkies
2. internet access
3. good books...
ok for real...
1. conversation
2. sexual fulfillment
3. recreational companionship...
actually I find it hard to delineate these..
good conversation leads to good honesty leads to attractiveness...leads to affection ...leads to sexual fulfillment...leads to openess...etc etc etc..
in fact when you have all those things..it's really hard to pick a top three....
I have only ever had a mate that financially domestically supported the 'family'...so I don't know what it's like to have these things lacking......
that's why I like twinkies the most...
they're very simple to think about...
and then you just eat them...
ARK
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 598
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Mine: 1. Honesty and Openess 2. Recreational Companionship (aka Quality Time) 3. Domestic Support Honesty and Openess are my number 1 right now simply because I've not gotten it for the past year, and the constant deception and lies have proven to be quite draining to the ole LB. And yep..I'm not a "typical" male by Dr. Harley's standards <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Formerly known as brokenbird
BH (Me) - 38
WW (Magpie) - 31
Married 2001 (Together 8 years)
DS - 13
DD - 5
EA/PA - 9/05-12/05
D-Day - 11/05
Second separation. Working on me.
If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
John 15:7 (NIV)
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Affection
Conversation
Family commitment
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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1. Sexual Fulfillment
2. Recreational Companionship
3. Physical Attractiveness
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Joined: Jan 2002
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1A. Honesty & Openness
1B. Admiration
2. Recreational Companionship
3. Financial Support
Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. ~Benjamin Franklin~
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Joined: Oct 2000
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1A. Honesty & Openness
1B. Admiration
2. Recreational Companionship
3. Financial Support cheater !!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Pep
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Posts: 7,093
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What I need on Monday is very different than what I need on Friday night, and what I need on Saturday is very different than what I need on Sunday.
I really don't understand this part of MB, never have. And I have never been able to say what mine are. I gave the worksheet to GB and he was the same.
And actually if truth be told I would expect all of them to be present in a good marriage.
And again if truth be told I think I need to give them more than to receive them...
I need to be able to be affectionate
I need to be able to admire
I need to be phsically attractive
I need to be able to be a sexual person
I need to be able to make money
and so on and so forth...
but mostly I need:
to have freedom of the mind,
a safe daughter
to contribute
to be valued and not harmed
to be free of witnessing the harming of others
religious freedom
freedom to choose the books I can read
to be able to create
laughter
I'm not trying to be cute Pepe', but I really can't understand the E/N thing.... it must be true though, if affairs are really allowed to happen because someone is so lacking in one of their EN's being filled that they can become addicted to the meeting of that EN by the first person who comes along and meets it.
I don't know.
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cheater !!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I suck at math! I don't think it's quite a boundry....more like a hurdle! lol
Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. ~Benjamin Franklin~
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I'll throw my hat into the ring here.
Openness and Honesty
Affection
SF
As someone said above, I think O&H are at the top of my list because I am not sure my WW even knows how to say anything that is not a lie anymore.
THG
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weaver,
good point. Right now, in my state of mind, my needs are above, but I've known them to change.
SF can ride high on the list for a week, and then affection may take over.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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SF
SF
SF
Don't even need any conversation..........
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1.) The first 3 on your list
2.) Then second 4
3.) Then the last 2
Don't really need the financial support I do that.
SF.
O & H
Oh and I am going to cheat a little too. For me admiration and appreciation kinda go hand in hand. But if forced to chose I would say Admiration.
BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby
When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
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Joined: Oct 2000
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BWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Joined: May 2004
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Maybe it's the EN terminology that gets me stuck... I dont emotionally need to be married to someone who makes money...I expect a grown adult to contribute financially. Same for all the rest... I would expect those things as part of a marriage...I mean who wouldn't need family commitment from their husband? Who wouldn't need domestic support? well never mind, I feel some stress coming on as I try to understand why I don't understand this Why couldnt' you just say I have a very high sex drive (poor Belever, LOL). I want to be married to money Oh well never mind...I see a religious thread I can go stress myself out on even better right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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Weaver
my husband
the venerable MR
has
CONVERSATION
very high on *his* list
sometimes I just want him to shaddup
I like silence sitting side-by-side just being next to each other
so
MY knowing and accepting that this is an EN very high on *his* list
I can meet that need knowing that by doing so
I am making Mr very happy & more likely to remain in love with me
I stop wishing he'd be quiet
as I imagine the love bank filling up ... because I want him to be happy ... and remain in love with moi
Pep
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