The more that know about it the harder it is to carry on the deception. NO one likes to have to be ashamed of their actions or their choice of friends. If it's driven into the open then they can only hide. What will that tell them about their actions?

I could really use some advice on how to maintain a plan A when separated by such a great distance.

Not only do i never get to see her but she never contacts me. This leaves me no choice but to constantly be the one reaching out. At the same time i don't want to seem needy or overbearing.

Does anyone have any clue how to conduct a long-distance plan A?

So we've decided together that she will be coming back to visit from February 23-25.

I'm half excited and half terrified. She was tentative about accepting a plane ticket from me and when i asked why she said that she was afraid that i wouldn't be able to handle it if she came back and decided that she wanted to end it once and for all.

This kind of thinking seems weird to me. Why would she be coming home if she wanted to end it? She might want to divorce me yet she is coming home to spend the weekend with me??? Is she subconciously coming home to dip her little toe in the waters?

If this is the case how do i handle myself? On the phone she seems to react best when i'm being brief, funny and not touching on relationship issues.

Do i continue to do that while face to face; never broaching anything of importance and just hanging out-it all seems so counter-intuitive?

Perhaps i should outline a strong plan for reconciliation, write it down and hand it to her when she is leaving on the return flight rather than attempt to discuss it and possibly ruin the weekend.

Anyone gone through a similar event (with a wife that doesn't seem to have any remorse) that can offer some advice?

It feels like i'm walking on eggshells around the woman who had an affair. While i've been working hard to make real changes, i'm pretty sure that she has yet to accept any responsability at all and that scares me a little bit.

Mag,

From my end of the telescope, she IS coming back to end it with you. It may not happen, but I suspect she feels she "owes" you ending it in person rather than by email or phone.

I don't want to be a downer, but I think you should be you, plan A, as you can, and be ready for the worst. My take on this is to ENJOY the little time you have when she comes. Don't bother talking relationship UNLESS she brings it up. Just enjoy the experience.

I have been through something similar many many years ago. We did enjoy the last weekend together with me knowing it would be the last, but hoping it wouldn't be. I look back almost 40 years later, and I am very glad that my last interactions with her were pleasant, if not what I wanted at the time.

Ulitmately, I found a much better woman to be married to and have been married over 30 years. Time flies when you are having fun, my friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Please think about it.

JL

Ugh, that's hardly what i wanted to hear but i suppose i should prepare for the worst to some degree.

Anyone else have advice for such a precarious situation?

Mag,

I know it wasn't what you wanted to hear, and with any luck at all I will be wrong, I sure hope so. But, my point is simply to put your expectations on a very low level, you will be glad you did. If things go as I suggested they might, you will still enjoy the time together. If they go better, your happiness in this will shine through.

I might as well tell you the rest of my story with regard to that meeting. My fiancee, was murdered by her boyfriend and perhaps the one she was running around with during our engagement. I don't know.

I never did have a chance to speak with her again, nor see her again. I regret that, but not the fact that we did not marry. Mag, you have no idea what life has in store for you or anyone else.

My suggestion, is to really enjoy this time you two have together. It may have far reaching impact on your marriage, but no matter what it will have a large impact on you and your memories. Make good ones my friend.

God Bless,

JL