Have you considered using anti-depressent medication?
I have been on some for several years and they have decreased my sex drive from needing it every other day to bi-weekly. They could also help to stabilise your emotions in this tough time.

What drove you to tell your wife of this problem in December? (It does not seem as if this would be something you would bring up out of the blue.)


Have you filled out the EN questionnaire? Has she?
What EN do you think that you are not meeting for your wife?
[color:"blue"]What steps have you taken to correct this? [/color]
Have you learned about LB and DJ's and tried to avoid them?
Do you have a copy of HNHN, SAA, and Love must be tough?



What steps have you taken to check on this. keylogger? GPS on her car? voice recorder in her car? reviewing her cell phone records? checking her email accounts? hired a PI?

You will probably also need to fill everyone in on the general background of this situation. I am unclear on how we got to the point of her taking off her rings and not meeting the EN.

Sorry for so many questions

I made my first post in the EN forum under "wife wont wear wedding rings". I think I explained everything there that you ask for. Thanks for trying to help.

LH 23,
I think I read all of your posts and did not see what was asked above. It is far easier if it is all left on one thread to find.

It seems ridiculous to me that you can't masturbate to relieve yourself. Please explain how meeting this normal human need would be considered a "relapse" into porn addiction?

Don't have a lot of time, at work, so here goes. I'm not taking any anti depressants, I have ask my wife to fill out the EN questionaire but to no avail. I've read HNHN and LB. Done some checking on cell phones, phone recorders. I have done a 180 on a lot of things and she can't comprehend why now and not earlier. I told my wife about my problem because I felt it was hurting our relationship and I had dealt with it for so long so I thought I could lean on her to help me deal with it and get over it. I view the porn/mast thing as I've cheated on her and if I go back to doing it myself, I'm just cheating again. Hope this helps. Thanks for the words.

Well listened to some interesting things on the phone recoder today. Not with another guy, but with her mom. Before we went out to eat the other day I thought I should go get my hair cut so I would look more presentable. I did and even dressed up a bit. I felt good about myself. Well I had worked midnight and called and made an appointment when I got home that morning. I didn't tell her, she was at work. So I slept for a couple of hours then got up and got my hair cut. I came back home and went back to sleep till she called that evening. Then we went to eat. She told her mom that night about me going to get my hair cut and was upset that I didn't tell her because our little boy needed a hair cut too(When we met there, I told her how sexy she looked, but she never once told me I looked nice). Then there is a pause and then she begins to tell her that when we got home, I was giving her that look and that I tried to lay a big kiss on her. Which I didn't. I just hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. Then another pause and she tells her that I told her I would stay up the next morning and help her clean, if she needed me to. Which I thought I was just doing right and wanted to. But she laughs and says she doesn't understand why I'm being this way. Like the way I'm acting is a joke. Then there is a pause and all I hear is "It's about over." I've listened to this over and over and I'm at a loss of what to think or what to do. Please, anyone have any insight, encouraging words?

first off stay strong... You are in a different place than your wife, you have come to this realization of where your at, your wife may have been there a lot longer. Go look up the 5 stages of greiving (sp), Your in stage 1 the lost of your family and marriage, she could be in stage 3 in a state of withdrawl.

You need to make these changes permiment and see what she does in the weeks and months ahead, remember fake it until you make it.... She may tell you every night she is leaving you, but everyday she stays in another opportunity to change and improve.

vikingruler, thank you for your words of encouragment. I'll look up those 5 stages.

Well, checked the recorder again this morning and got another shock. Our 4 year old little boy got sick day before yesterday with a virus. He couldn't keep anything down. I kept him yesterday while my wife went in to work on her day off. I had worked midnight, so she woke me up at 3pm after she got him to sleep for a nap. She told me she was going in to work and he was asleep. After he woke up, he was burning up with a temp of 102.4. So I called and ask her what to give him. She told me and I did. I also told her that I felt sick and thought I was coming down with something. She ask, if she needed to come home and I told her no. Anyway, I have to leave for work around 9:25pm, she didn't get home till 9:15pm. By then his temp had went down after some gatorade and a popcicle. Well after I left for work, she called her mother and told her that she took his temp and it was down to 100 and that she didn't feel like it was as high as I said it was, and that I didn't act sick. She said she just figured I was telling her this to try to get her to come home!! WHY would I lie to her about our sons or my health????!!!! Then she proceeded to tell her how before I left for work, I was kissing them on the forhead and telling them that I loved them like I really cared???? I started using this stupid recorder to check on an affair but there still is no hint of that. But I don't know now if it was worth what I'm hearing. Should I confront her about what she is saying or do I not let her know about the recorder and just suck it up(what she is saying) and try to continue on??? What she is saying is depleting my love bank very rapidly. But then again, if I wouldn't listen, I wouldn't hurt. Any thoughts are appreciated.

Suck it up, the point of the recorder is to determine if she's in an affair. Don't worry about what else you heard. This is your weapon and you don't want her to know about it unless it is absolutely necessary; like exposing her A if there is one. It hurts but a broken M hurts even more.

Stay strong my friend.

I've got a long weekend coming up, so I've decided to leave for a few days. I've tried to talk myself out of it, but I think I need to do it. Will this ultimatly hurt what we have left or is it a good idea to step away for awhile and do a little soul searching? I'm scared that if I do this, once I come back, she'll leave and for good. I don't want that. I don't want to quit or end our marriage, but I feel like my love bank is well below where it should be, if not depleted. Any help is appreciated.

Hi lh. I have read your posts with much interest. You are being strong and need to be. I am not qualified to give you advice but from my experience you don't want to give your W a reason to go. I did just this thinking if she spent a couple of nights with her F "to think" she would come back to sort things out. That was 5 weeks ago and she still isn't home. I am currently implementing Plan A but it is so much harder living apart than living together. Stick with it buddy.

Giving unconditionally is hard, get nothing in return. But could you tell your self that you have done every thing humanly possible to fix yourself and your M ?. If not you might not want this guilt haunt you for the rest of your life.

You are doing this not only fixing your M and yourself but also for your future whatever the outcome is.

Hang in there. Get back to AD, don't underestimate the impact of this storm on your health.

-rh-

Well, I went away for a couple of days but it didn't seem to help. We're still in the same situation as before. She will not speak to me on our relationship problems. She is away for a couple of days on business but I told her when she got back, we HAD to talk. I think I'm at my emotional end. I don't want to seperate or end it, but I honestly don't know how much more I can take. I think she is waiting on me to snap and be the one to end it all. Just for thinking this, makes me want to drag it along and just see if she gives up. But I love her too much for that. Just trying to hold it together.

Not sure what is the right path, so I went ahead and scheduled an appointment with a lawyer(next week). She supposedly has already went to see one, so I guess I might as well go and see what needs to be done. Would it be out of the question to ask her to go with me since she did not ask me? Should I just go it alone? We are not angry with each other, we still sleep in the same bed, so if we go this route I don't think it'll get messy. I think we both can see the writing on the wall. Any comments are appreciated.

I would not ask her to go. It is OK to go to protect yourself if she does leave, but you need to adopt the proverbial "I talk marriage, you can talk to my lawyer if you want to talk divorce" attitude.

Each day you have a new opportunity. Your wife still sleeps in the bed with you and is not angry at you. Maybe just relaxing, enjoying life, and her company would be good. Continue to snoop, if you can handle it, and get on some sort of AD.

Basically, take tomorrow as a new day and build the love bank. It seems as if this is your best course of action right now.

Started on AD about a week ago, so just waiting for it to kick in. She comes home this evening from her trip and I'm debating on confronting her about our marriage. I know she'll be tired from the flight and drive home so maybe I should just wait. But if I wait, that's just another day in limbo. She has kept in contact with me since shes been gone which was a plus. I'm so confused and scared right now. The no affection is killing me. Guess I'll just keep praying and hoping.

We've decided to get a D. Thanks for all the advice that was given. Wish me luck.

Well that was quick. Has she admitted having an out of town AFFAIR? That is why she is saying the stuff she does to her mother, to make YOU look like the bad guy. Please keep posting and if you find out, let us know.

I will be AMAZED if she isn't cheating.

Meanwhile stick to the anti-D's which will really help.

believer, yep, she admitted. But just to kissing. But talked to OM wife today and she got a PI to follow while out of town and has pics of OM entering my wifes hotel room. She emailed them to me today. She also went to the airport and hid out and waited on them and followed them to a McDonalds to where they hugged and kissed while standing in line to order. Am I stupid, I really feel I can forgive her if she will just tell me the truth. I do love her in spite of what shes done. Maybe I just need some different medicine??? Should I stay or should I go??????? That is the million dollar question. Got a lot of praying and thinking to do right now. Thanks for all the correct information and advice from all.