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Is there any point?
#1819729 02/01/07 01:21 PM
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EyeSeeEm Offline OP
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My BIL left my sister about 16 months ago - they will be divorced soon. Is there any point to having a talk with him about what happened? I mean I know what happened - he didn't love her anymore and had gender issues - but I'm still very puzzled about how a person can change so drastically and seemingly turn his back on those he loved. He communicates only with his two grown, married children but no one else from the family.

For background, my BIL was a highly respected man in the community, well-liked, the life of any party, and a strong Christian. My kids adored him - he was their favorite uncle - he always expressed interest in them and what they were doing. To me he was more of a brother than even my own brother.

What do you think?

Em
Re: Is there any point?
EyeSeeEm #1819730 02/01/07 02:37 PM
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Pepperband Offline
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he's gay?

Pep

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Re: Is there any point?
Pepperband #1819731 02/01/07 10:48 PM
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EyeSeeEm Offline OP
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Yes.
Re: Is there any point?
EyeSeeEm #1819732 02/02/07 12:08 AM
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so, do you want to reach out to him in friendship and understanding, or to satisfy your curosity?

it's not clear to me what your intent is... do YOU know what your intent is???

Pep

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Re: Is there any point?
Pepperband #1819733 02/02/07 11:05 AM
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EyeSeeEm Offline OP
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That's an excellent question and I'm not sure myself.

I miss the friendship we had. I'd like to know if he's happy. But I can't condone what he did. So I have a lot of mixed feelings.

I think it would hurt my sister if I tried to reach out to him in friendship and understanding.

Em
Re: Is there any point?
EyeSeeEm #1819734 02/02/07 11:09 AM
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well

until you are certain what your purpose/intent is

I'd say put it on hold

seem OK to you?

also, you might want to discuss with your sister first, to see if she'd take this as a betrayal

Pep

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Re: Is there any point?
EyeSeeEm #1819735 02/02/07 11:46 AM
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techie Offline
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Quote
I miss the friendship we had. I'd like to know if he's happy. But I can't condone what he did.

WHY do you "want to know if he's happy"??
He hurt and betrayed your sister.
Reguardless of whether he thinks he's a homosexual or not... he still had a choice of whether or not to stick with his family or not. He made the wrong choice.

Compare these two examples:

A) I've been married to you for 10 years. but I've suddenly decided I'm more sexually attracted to men, than to you, my wife. So I'm going to leave you and our family to go screw men.

B) I've been married to you for 10 years. but I've suddenly decided I'm more sexually attracted to 18-year old "exotic dancers", than to you, my wife. So I'm going to leave you and our family to go screw them.


Both start with a complete true statement, about the changed "sexual preference" of the person speaking.
Neither of the two justify the decision that follows.

ME: H, 35, married 9 years. 3 young sons W:32, series of online "friendships" 1st D-day: some time 2004 (online EA) OM broke off, NC june 2005, but no recovery plan 2nd D-day: june 20th, 2006("ILY" to "friend"). W moved out next day. Oct 2006, starts being around a 3rd guy instead. Mar 2007, stopped? Current status: Separated. W filed D. in July 2006, served Dec 11th, my response filed Jan 8th Most recent thread
Re: Is there any point?
techie #1819736 02/02/07 04:15 PM
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excellent analogy, techie. I completely agree.

who cares if he's happy?

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