ill recap my story real quick for you guys

had a horrible first marriage, cheated on multiple times etc. Got over it and swore away from marriage and love foreva.

met a wonderful woman, had 2 kids and settled down in love. fast forward 10 years and i bust her trying to get with an ex-boyfriend. Shattered my heart from the inside out, she lied to me so relentlessly for 6 months opver it i have lost all faith in her feelings for me. I feel like everything i valued in my life is a lie and i can't get back to wherei was.

Anywas on with the story, 8 months later she diod another attempt with some itiod on the internet and raked my heart thru the coals again. blah blah bblah.

We have been to marriage counseling but frankly i find it worthless. I have no faith in my marriage or love in general anymore. I am trying to hang on for my kids but i am bitterely depressed i don't beleive anything she tells me anymore. I feel loike every ounce of happiness has been sucked out of my life.

I am stuck in no mans land, i cant leave cant get back to where i was and she took it all away from me and now wants me to just carry on like she hasn;t ruined our lives together.
Before all this i thought she was the most important person in the world now i see her as someone who will be doing this to me again and again until she succeeds and leaves me and destroysd our family.

I have lost all self worth and my ego is destroyed so i have taken mattersi nto my own hands. I am seeing severla women on the side to help massage my broken ego and it helps me stop from freaking out going theu her stuff to find her latest attempts at cheating on me, this may sound crazy but i am no longer a destructive force in my household yelling and getting angry.

I am not sure what else i can do here, i am very ver ydepressed on a constant basis and making up for it by drikning and doing drugs to numb the pain i am walknig aroiund with in my chest.

She has expressed eternal, love,m regret and all the same crap they alwasy do and i don't beleive damned word of it nor of the flimsy stories she has given be about the past. She clowned me and my family and tha men that trerated her like a ****** and tossed her away.

I really don't know what i am asking i guess i am just venting as i have noone to talk to about all this.
Its been almost 2 years since the first d-day and i hurt every bit as much now as then. I have learned to hide my pain in my face and not get asked questions about it, i refuse to talk about it anymore. We carried on for a good year with day after day of stresss, lies, bs, and i am exhausted of it. I can't do it anymore i beggeed her during the whole thing to not destroy our trust or our marriage would be lost but she would not listen.

Now here we are. i feel like a paycheck and daddy and i am a pale reflection of the man i was 2 years ago and i can do nothing to stop it. i am also the type of person i despise bbut i can't do much about it besides ending it all and making my children poay for what she has done to our marriage.

I am concerned at my mental state at this stage, i am suffereing from extreme depression on a daily basis, i busrt into tears when i am alone, i am keeping things together but i am bitterly upset about all this and nothing is helping me feel better and i can stand it anymore.

get your depression treated

can't do too much until that is cleared up

Pep

I know men don't like to go for help for depression, but it will make a world of difference in your life. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. Then you will be able to make the hard decisions necessary.

If she is truly sorry, get her to go to an MB weekend together to build a new, better marriage. You can't change the past, but you can do things to prevent this from occuring in the future.

I went on anti-depressants when my WW was in the middle of her affair, and they made a world of difference. Get your doctor to prescribe you some, and then get to work on improving your M for you, your WW, and your kids' sakes.

So, to heal your marriage you are drinking, doing drugs, and "seeing several women on the side to help massage your broken ego"?

I really don't see those actions as helpful if you want to resolve things (one way or another) with your WS. Now you have added your own infidelity on top of hers.

Perhaps an IC might be the way to go.

????

No matter how many women you see and how much drinking and drugs you do the pain will still be there and deeper it will go. You have to stop the pain spiral.

The cynic in me says this is fake.... $0.02

BK,

I think I agree with you.

If I give you a penny for your thoughts and you give your two cents worth how does that work out monitarily?

Do you have one cent or three cents or do I owe you a penny or what. I am a little confused.

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so much "bait" recently
much of it very inventive juicy stuff .... but alike in content and style

whatever........