I've been looking for the article about why a woman would want to leave a man, but I can't find the other way around.

We were married 14 years ago. I grew up with him. I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me.

I have been to counseling and I am coming to the realization that I made some terrible mistakes, but am still searching for what to do know. The counselor is helping me understand what lead to my unconscious actions, but I don't want to wait too long to focus on us, too. I want nothing else on this Earth but to save my marriage. I never thought this would be us.

Hello, and welcome to MarriageBuilders.

I'm glad you are here, but very sorry for your pain.

I'm sorry to have to ask this, but is it possible he is having an affair? Men very, very rarely leave a long term marriage unless there is someone else to 'run' to.

Secondly, if he is saying he is not in love with you, one wonders: who is he in love with?

There isn't much traffic on this board, so I suggest that you post on General Questions II, in the Infidelity section.

Even if you are certain he isn't being unfaithful, it's still the best place to post - all the most experienced posters and vets are there.

Peace to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

No, I know that it hasn't gone that far. He did turn to an unavailable (married) neighbor for friendship, and I thought that he might have fallen in love with her. But that was not the case--I was unknowingly not meeting his emotional needs, taking on too much responsibility at work and volunteering. He was doing alot around the home, and felt that he was taken for granted.
He tried a few times to tell me what he was feeling, but I did not hear how deep the problem really was. (He told me a few times that he was tired and stressed out, but then I thought, aren't we all?) He didn't push it the way I so wish he could have, made me see.
He felt that I had to find out his feelings on my own, that I should have seen how unhappy he was. Apparently, this has been going on for the last 3 or 4 years! And the last year, he has told me, he just gave up.
All while I was oblivious.

If you had asked me in October, I would have told you that we had a very good, strong marriage.

Anyway, thank you for the reply. Do you know the article that I mentioned?
And, if Tempest thinks its a good idea, could the thread be moved?

Thanks,
D

CnD,

Humans don't have to be in an A to BE in a wayward state of mind...I'm with Alph, though, because I believe your H is in both.

Wayward state of mind:

Entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.

I think you can identify parts of those in yourself and your H...you mentioned some.

So, yes, I'm with you posting in Infidelity GQ II...you can do it yourself by cutting and pasting your posts over there after you create a new thread in that forum.

Sounds like what you weren't doing and can choose to do now is to listen and repeat...acknowledge your H's stuff...not to fix or cure...to KNOW...and appreciate the knowing...instead of judging what he said, as you did in the past.

And speak from your highest O&H, as well..share your stuff to share...not for him to fix or cure...to know and be known.

Do YOU believe humans can fall back in love with their spouse, like Harley describes?

Where are you at now? Is he living at home? Are you both in MC? Are you making at least 15 hours of UA time with him?

LA

I'm over there. Thanks.