My wife and I have been married for almost 6 months but I have the feeling that we are about to hit a big hurdle. We had an incredibly stressful year before getting married and though things have gotten better we are now both over 50lbs overweight and smoke marijuana just about everyday. The hurdle I see coming is that I sincerely want to change my ways, stop smoking pot and start eating healthy and being much more productive. She on the other hand seems content to live like this and often talks about how she cant wait for us to have kids (though she says she understands we cant do so until being in a better financial situation).Though we have been hitting the gym and hiking, and getting much more exercise recently, it all pretty much falls on my shoulders. I get no support. If I have a day that I dont feel like working out or I feel weak and want to smoke she'll be the first person to support my decision to make nachos or roll a joint. We've always had an issue with me feeling too much like a father figure. And it really comes to light when I am struggling and need an adult shoulder to lean on, because Im always left looking to fend for myself. I usually give in and then beat myself up for it the next day. Its making me think that I can't turn my life around while Im with her. Im at a turning point. We are artists and will both be 26 this year, I do want to have kids but I realize that If I don't throw myself into my art 100% soon that I won't be able to support a family anytime soon. Compile this on top of the fact that we don't really connect on an intelectual level, Im the only one who cleans the bathroom, and I cook most of the time, though we split the dishes and laundry pretty fairly and I start to feel that Im doing way too much work. And more importantly Im feeling that we both have a lot of growing up to do and I don't know if we're going to be able to grow together. I appreciate your thoughts

first off, i would suggest you both get help for your addictions. smoking pot is a drug and you may need some help to get off it for good.

i applaud you for wanting to make positive healthy changes!
i think you and your new wife might be happier and have a better chance if you both go to get help together for the pot smoking and the over eating.

once you are on a healthy path to recovery in those areas you might be able to throw yourself into your art. do you have a back up plan in case the art does not pan out? it never ever hurts to have a plan b or to have a job, if even part time, that is "for sure" money until your art careers take off. many a relationship has faultered due to fights over money. get stressed over money and start fighting and you will set yourself up to want to light up that pot or go to the fridge.

i think you two definitely have some options here. good luck

mlhb

I think that you should definately talk to her and let her know how you feel. Let her know that you want to quit smoking because i know from experience that it's not impossible, but a WHOLE lot harder to quit when people around you are doing it. It's also harder to get motivated if you don't have support. your best bet is to be totally honest with her about your intentions and fears. Although it may make her mad or hurt her feelings now, it's better in the long run. Good luck and just remember to leave the lines of communication open, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.