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What in the world is up with you?
Why in the world are you leaving Sis' thread?
It will not be the same without you.
She really, really needs you.
We all really, really need you there.
Is something or someone running you off?
Come on, LG..
Whatever it is..STAND UP in the face of it..don't go away...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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What's up, LG?
Something about exposure..
I'm still hunting...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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You aren't looking very hard Mimi - it's staring you in the face.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Big, Please help me. I'm middle-aged and my eyesight is not like it used to be...just joking... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I looked on Sis' thread. I read the Wonders thread but it doesn't FILL IN THE BLANKS.. What's LG's viewpoint on this? Why should this make him want to stop posting on Sis' thread? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Read MEDC's thread that preceeded ours.
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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I think LG is watching the superbowl and then taking a hot tub with his wife (where he indicated he will discuss the exposure to the Former OW's husband with his wife).
I anticipate he'll be back tomorrow or the next day.
He got 2X4'ed but it wasn't that bad.
Mr. W
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Why should this make him want to stop posting on Sis' thread? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> From what I understand, he is taking a break (maybe permanently?) from the boards altogether...not just mine. I wish he wouldn't. His insight has been so very helpful to me. I, as well as MANY others here, will be losing a valuable ally. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
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Plus, we can help you, LG.
Don't you find Recovery to be difficult?
I post here and read here mainly to get help for myself..in order to stay grounded in the MB concepts and principles...
Last edited by mimi1254; 02/04/07 10:46 PM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I'd like LG to stay as well. There are very few former wayward husbands here and he was excellent.
I understand that there is a core group here that will not tolerate exceptions to full exposure. I would like to offer the suggestion to this group that there are many paths to recovery, and that wisdom can also be found in less than ideal circumstances.
LG, please stay.
~Saturn
Me: 45
Him: 47
married 23 years
Two wonderful sons
D-day for my EA: 8/15/04
D-day for his PAs: 8/16/06
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I understand that there is a core group here that will not tolerate exceptions to full exposure. I would like to offer the suggestion to this group that there are many paths to recovery, and that wisdom can also be found in less than ideal circumstances. Saturn, enabling an affair by helping it remain secret is not a "path to recovery." I would suggest to you that affairs thrive on secrecy and it is not a "wise" path to enable that secrecy. It is not that folks "don't tolerate it;" but rather that it is a bad idea that only enables the affair. And we are here to kill the affair, not enable it. Not exposing renders marital recovery much less effective and folks would be remiss if they did not emphasize this. It is a tried and true Marriage Builders principle that works.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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enabling an affair by helping it remain secret affairs thrive on secrecy Yes, I agree, with affairs that are ongoing. Exposure is a valuable tool to stop an ongoing affair. However once the affair is over this reasoning is not relevant. I would very much like to contact the OWH in my situation. Not only to tell him what kind of woman he married, but also for help with putting the puzzle pieces together. Unfortunately, my husband's affair was 17 years ago. It is over and it wouldn't do any good to expose to him now. My opinion. Not right and not wrong.
Me: 45
Him: 47
married 23 years
Two wonderful sons
D-day for my EA: 8/15/04
D-day for his PAs: 8/16/06
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Yes, I agree, with affairs that are ongoing. Exposure is a valuable tool to stop an ongoing affair. However once the affair is over this reasoning is not relevant. Oh no. The state of the affair is irrelevant to the betrayed spouse's right to know. The other betrayed spouse must know about the affair. This is information about the BS' life to which he is ENTITLED. Now, the state of the affair would be relevant in other exposures, [parents, etc] but not when it comes to the BS. The BS should always be told.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
Black and white is how it should be
But shades of grey are the colors I see.
~Billy Joel
Me: 45
Him: 47
married 23 years
Two wonderful sons
D-day for my EA: 8/15/04
D-day for his PAs: 8/16/06
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I would very much like to contact the OWH in my situation. Not only to tell him what kind of woman he married, but also for help with putting the puzzle pieces together. This almost sounds like a resentment. It's been 17 years and yet you still describe the feeling with emotion (i.e. - I would VERY much like to contact...."). This is what I mean by "Don't get stuck". There is still unfinished business with your husbands original affair 17 years ago. Just maybe that unfinished business played a small part in your emotional affair. Did it add to your feelings of insecurity, neglect, abandonment??? Was it on your list or was it on your radar of rationalization and justifications for your own inappropriate behavior???? Did you feel like your feelings and desires to expose were ignored in favor of protecting your marriage or recovery??? Whatever the situation, I certainly don't want anything similiar to happen between LG OR Mrs. LG. Dr. Harley himself, in the beginning of SAA, describes the road to recovery as NARROW. There are NOT many paths to FULL and COMPLETE recovery. Finally, I am in no way intolerant of LG. I want only want the best for him AND his wife. Also, since when are opinions exempt from being right or wrong?? Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
Black and white is how it should be
But shades of grey are the colors I see.
~Billy Joel The point of these lyrics appears to be that "shades of gray" are what he sees and that is the root of his unhapiness. Even if not the point of his song, it certainly explains a lot about his life since he wrote it. "Black and White IS how it should be" Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Billy Joel is divorced is he not?
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once ~Shakespeare
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MEDC is feeling ~~~> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> because LG (with whom MEDC has a beef) is getting respect and credit for giving LilSis good advice in MY OPINION ~~~> strictly based on the usefulness of the advice LilSis was getting I'd say LG's advice to LilSis was more useful than MEDC's advice and in some cases ( <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> ) more useful than MY advice as well I don't give a ratsass as long as LilSis is getting the tools she needs Pep
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There is still unfinished business with your husbands original affair 17 years ago. Yes!!! That's why I spend so much time here. But it has everything to do with HIM and ME, not the OW (or her husband). It's about Messdup and me. It's about our marriage. Not exposing to OWH did not cause my affair. I did not know about my husband's affair when I had my own. I just knew that something didn't feel right; I thought my husband didn't love me. Only God knows what is right and wrong. The rest of us are imperfect and may make mistakes. My opinion <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Me: 45
Him: 47
married 23 years
Two wonderful sons
D-day for my EA: 8/15/04
D-day for his PAs: 8/16/06
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MEDC is feeling ~~~> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> because LG (with whom MEDC has a beef) is getting respect and credit for giving LilSis good advice
in MY OPINION ~~~> strictly based on the usefulness of the advice LilSis was getting
I'd say
LG's advice to LilSis was more useful than MEDC's advice This is how it appears to me too. I don't give a ratsass as long as LilSis is getting the tools she needs
Pep Amen! ~ Marsh
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