Why is it that if I go to my STBXW house and ask anything about her, I am met with smart-a** comments?

Today, she had a new piece of furnture in her living room. I ask, "Did you just get that"? She replied" No, the old one just turned into a bigger one". UUUGGGGHHHHH !!!

Why is it a big deal to ask about things?

She only seems to do it when she has her girlfriend around, who is always, always over...

Does it make her feel better to talk down to me?

She does this in front of the kids too ....

Maybe I should just stop asking?

She also mentioned that she was going on a trip and I asked her where...She says" Why does it matter"?

Yet, she asks a million questions about the same stuff when she comes to my house... And adds little digs too ...

Always the talking down...

Reminds me of why I dont want to be married to her anymore...

Should I respond or ignore the comments??

Ladies???

Maybe because she hurt inside and her only way of protecting herself is to put you down.

Well, seeing that this is going to be your STBXW...

You can always respond with a smart-[censored] comeback...

e.g.

Concerning that couch:

You: "Did you just get that"?
Her: " No, the old one just turned into a bigger one".
You (looking at her butt): "Hmm... I think whatever caused that might be contagious..."

etc.

Not very MB-like I know, but I'm in a low mood this morning...

SLH,

"Does it make her feel better to talk down to me?"

To stop DJs in your head and hence, in your life, say them aloud as a response:

(about the couch)

"I perceive you're talking down to me right now."

Stay calm, sturdy and direct.

That's respecting you and her.

"She does this in front of the kids too ...."

All the more reason to get set in how to respond with "I" statements...teaching your children how to respond, what to own and how to be genuine is a big part of parenting.

"Maybe I should just stop asking?"

Good conflict avoidance strategy. How did that work in your marriage?

"She also mentioned that she was going on a trip and I asked her where...She says" Why does it matter"?"

Did you answer her honestly? Treat her statements as honest...

"You are the mother of my children. You are my wife. Yes, you matter."

"Yet, she asks a million questions about the same stuff when she comes to my house... And adds little digs too ..."

Do you want to recreate your pain again and again in relationships? Watch your children do it when they come of age, and before? Understand respect, boundaries, standards...so you can sit in your own God-designed power, know your limits and thrive...changes everything.

"Always the talking down..."

Get to know exactly what verbal abuse is...and what it isn't. We can feel put down...and not be. We can be thrown down and tell ourselves we aren't being thrown...

"Reminds me of why I dont want to be married to her anymore..."

And that person down the road you do want to marry, who will seem nothing like your STBXW; in fact, you'll feel relief, joy, in-love feelings for her NOT appearing to be like her...and end up within two years into the relationship re-experiencing much of these same issues...be good to yourself. Learn your stuff...hand down how to grow, know, respect and BE to your children...

"Should I respond or ignore the comments??"

Depends...do you want to live from respect and honesty...or do you want to live in fantasy? There are no silent boundary enforcements...

You can do this, SLH...you are equal to everyone on the planet...you can live freely.

LA