found out few days ago H having an affair. Found a gift from the OW, then have seen tons of calls and text messages back and forth between them. He is a "business man" and the OW is his "client". I do know her husbands' name and address. Working on exposing it all, but need the steps to make she I am totally prepared. Do I need to contact a lawyer, counselor at this point prior to exposing it all? At this point I am willing to save my marriage, but it will of course come down to his willing to leave her and do the necessary steps.
Where do I read all the info I need? Want to make sure I am prepared. I want to try to end this right away... thanks for your help

Welcome. How long have you been married? Do you have children?

How was the marriage before all of this? Would you consider it good?

does your H know that you know?
If not, I would think you should confront him first, and have your evidence ready in case he should deny it. I don't think contacting a lawyer is necessary, but it's probably not a bad idea to contact a marriage counselor.

good luck.

Yes give us the scoop on you and your husband

together 15 years, married for the last 8 yrs. have 3 young kids ages 7 mon., 3, and 6. thought we were best friends and got along great. this is a total shocker to me.
trying to pull myself together and be strong to confront him. not even sure what steps to take other than exposing asap. please help with as much advice as possible.

he has no idea I know. Just found out through phone bills 2 days ago. just found this site and can't concentrate to read through all the info here. need to have it organized for me. I so appreciate it

i'm new to this as well, but it seems to be that the first step would be to confront your husband and to expose the affair to the OW husband in order to help end the affair. the more people that know about, the harder it will be for the affair to continue.

sometimes it is necessary to expose the affiar to other family members or his employer.

i think the next step after that will depend on what your husband says/does.

good luck

The starting point is Plan A, where you show him what a great wife you could be, with no angry outbursts or disrespectful judgements. It also includes exposure of the affair.

You can expose to the other woman's husband, any of your husband's relatives, and to anyone else who might help.

Is it clear from your proof that it is a physical affair?

the only proof so far is a book hidden that I found (gift from OW), tons of calls to her on phone record, so many daily text messages (can't read them, just on the phone record). What do I do next without concrete evidence??

You have enough evidence to confront and start some major snooping before you let him onto your knowledge.

NOBODY texts obsessively back and fourth like this unless there is something emotional or physical or they are teenagers. My FWW had about 20 texts per day average and usually a call first thing when she woke up in the am at 9:00am. She was a SAHM.

How about taking his phone for a little bit....turn it off...hide it....then go on some errands and open up the phone ans look. Mine had a password lock, but maybe he does not. If he does, strike 2.

When his phone is gone (you'll have it), he will likely call the OP from your home phone. Check these calls. You'll have him nailed. You may even get some texts from the OP to save, and reply to!!!

Also it is likely that he will run right out to get a NEW phone after looking for the existing one for about 30 minutes. (Mine did this too.) She could not even wait an hour before getting a new phone!!!

print out the phone bills and keep them with the book in a safe place where he cannot get them. Do you have access to his computer where they may be e-mailing each other back and forth?

It is up to you how you want to handle this situation. You can wait and get access to his e-mail so that you have detail of what they are saying to each other.

Or you can confront him now. You do not have to show him your proof. Keep it in a safe place. Even if he deletes his e-mails from her, you can probably get them back.

My FWH found me looking at the e-mails he had been trading back and forth with an old high school girlfriend. Like you, my FWH and I were/are best friends. During that discovery, he got upset and deleted all the messages he could and told me, "it was just FUN, just something for me, just FUN.

He said a few other things in an attempt to justify his actions over the first few weeks. Then he realized how stupid and wayward he had been by e-mailing this person a few times daily, receiving text messages from her and then sneaking out of the house to go and meet her. Your sitch could be like mine or it could be a more real blah blah you are my soulmate kind of deal. Any of it is rough to deal with.

You are in a good place by knowing that you want him to end it. Regardless of how he tries to justify it, you stick to your guns on that one. There has to be "no contact" You and he need to write a letter that you approve and send it out to her and then he needs to have no contact with her. You need to be able to have access to all his e-mail, phone, credit card, etc, records and you will want to keep track of all of that to ensure no contact.

Stay strong and let us know how you do.
Lake

find out if OW is married

make your first call to her H (if she has one)

then~

sit and wait

your H will let you know when the chit has hit the fan

he'll storm at you
and all you need to do is say

"I know what I know"

and don't say much else

his reaction will tell you how scared he is

remember to get all your proof safely put away where it can't be found by H

if OW is single ... do this

call H
tell him you've arranged a sitter
you want to meet him at (restaurant) to discuss his adultery ...

don't give him anything beyond that

see if he will come clean on his own

then tell us what happened

YOU are actually in the driver's seat now

Pep

oh...

and you probably don't need an attorney at this time

but do take care to make it impossible for WH to take family money to fund his affair

if there is a savings account, you can take half and put it somewhere else

I re-read ... and noticed you know who OW is married to ... please, don't delay ... call her H

don't email, call

what will happen after you expose to OW's husband... he will do most of the detective work for you!!!!

chances are high that she's saved "stuff" for momentos

tell OW's H he can call you back and let you know what he's found out

Pep

*bump*