I sent OWH an e-mail yesterday. He did not reply, but I am fairly sure he got it today.
So I told FWH what I had done and what the e-mail said, and he said "Unbelievable"
We have texted back and forth and he keeps saying it was "not your place". I told him it was not OWs place to sleep with my husband. He said I should have "warned" the OW that I was going to do it, even though she won't accept my phone calls. He then said "well, you have no problem texting her" which is referring to me texting her last week to find out if she could be pregnant (she says she's not)

I just need some encouragement that I did in fact do the right thing.

No apologies.

"OWH has the right to know the truth about his life."

Yes, yes, yes you did the right thing. You also knew he would be mad, like I said yesterday, too bad. Someone had made a suggestion on your other thread what to say to your H if he starts on you about telling OWH. Go back and read it, it was right on the money. Keep saying it in a calm voice. No way should you have warned the FOW.

I was hoping you would update today. Stay strong you are doing the right things to help your marriage. He won't see it now, but he will at a later time.

thanks noodle.
i think he wants me to say i'm sorry for doing it. i told him, "i'm the bad guy, yet you're the one who [email]fu@%ed[/email] another woman?" he said "what i did was wrong, but i said i was sorry"

Of course you did the right thing. Like noodle said, make no apologies. I would make certain and call the OWH to make sure he did get it. If he has not, the OW may pre-empt you and try to spin the story. So, give him a call and make sure he got it and ask if he has any questions. Offer to stay in touch with him to keep tabs.

i actually printed it out and read it to him when i told him. that was when i was met with "unbelievable".

i called his office at about 8:45 and the receptionist said "he just left to go to a client's office" i am pretty sure he would have checked his e-mail first thing. i do plan to try to contact him again if i don't hear from him.

This is what they all say.....If you it wasn't your place then it was no ones because I assure you that the OW had no intention of telling H that she's having an affair with a married man. She would have simply said ILBINILWY speech, I'm not happy, I want a divorce, I, I, I but never that "Honey, I am screwing another man and it makes me want to dissolve our marriage".

You did the right thing. She deserved and deserves nothing but whatever justice and truth comes out of this disaster, nothing more.....Her H and you deserved for your spouses not to act like animals and try and destroy two M and families.

Absolutely you did the right thing....sit back and let their little undercover fantasy face the light of day now and all it's truth revealing power. Your M can survice an angry spouse but not three people living in it. Don't argue, justify or be drisrespectul with him about this. Let him rant and rave and moan and gripe and threaten and more...Simply stay true to this goal "I did what I thought was best for our marriage and family and it is my goal to protect our M and future, no other reason." and shut up then. If he keeps on simply find something to do and leave.

He may threaten with divorce and if he does....re-state your mantra and tell him that you can't stop him nor will you stop him from doing so but that is not what's best for all involved and then walk away.....

As they say in the south, "YOU DID GOOD!!!"

Well he said he was sorry, isn't that all you need? Geez, I'm a FWS and that irritates ME. Did you print out Trueheart's Letter to the Wayward Spouse? He needs to read it. JMO anyway

thanks so much hope and pray.
i just wish he wasn't so mad. i asked him "what now" and if he still wanted to work it out and he says he's overwhelmed right now.

thanks so much to everyone! i will keep you updated!
fo

i did copy and e-mail it to him, but i don't think he has read it yet.

He is overwhelmed because "Ta Da!" exposure is a nuke and he instinctively knows it.

His affair was NOT over. He was NOT in a FWS mindframe.

I bet you dollars to doughnuts it was just going underground.

You did good.

now he told me that OWH is going to tell "everyone", which i would assume means their workplace.
God, i hope he doesn't get fired. that would be awful

i told him he has to accept the consequences of his actions.

Take it from someone what had an A with a coworker, everyone already knows. My FOM and I "thought" we had everyone fooled and everyone knew. No matter how discreet they think they were, people know.

You are correct it is another consequence to poor choices and actions and his own fault.

Ask him why he doesn't want everyone to know the GREAT news?

Pretend shock. Big eyes.

>flutter... flutter<

It wouldn't be as awful as you think. The best thing that can happen now is for those two to not see each other anymore, period, ever!!!!!!!! This will bode well for your M. There are a lot of other jobs out there. Heck there are 49 other states in the US in which to work that the OW does not live in. Your WH can get another job. Your M should be your primary concern. The rest will find a way of working out.

Don't preach at him. He will not hear it and will use it as justification for his affair. Just simply say something more akin to this...."I am so sorry that this has happened and that there are consequences we all have to suffer through because of it, but we can and will ge through it" and then go and do something fun and upbeat even if you have to fake it.

LOL! thanks, i needed that!

I'm with noodle, he knows this is the death knell and he knows he will now have to possibly endure the public humiliation of it. I agree he was not in a -F-WS mindset yet. It'll be tough for a while, but this was absolutely necessary if you want to recover your marriage.

he and i are still texting back and forth. he seems to be somewhat over his anger, and we are getting into some deeper things, like when he was last truly happy.

it sucks to do it over text, but we're both at work, so...

thanks for all of the advice guys!
i will definitely keep yall updated.