I need some help understanding my WH. I discovered that he was having a short PA with a co-worker just two months ago. I know that he had more than one A in his first marriage and suspect that this is not the first time with me. As soon as I found out, I exposed to OWH. OWH and I both demanded NC and my WH wrote her a NC letter. Despite my request, they spoke once after d-day about how they both wanted to recover their marriages. But, I just recently found out that 1 month after d-day they began saying hello to each other in the hall at work. He says he is just being polite and does not want things to be awkward, but I’m not sure. They don’t work together and have no reason to talk otherwise. I do believe that this is the extent of their contact, but I am not sure what it means. Is it really just being polite and fostering a comfortable work environment? Or do you think they are both fishing or trying to keep the A alive until the heat from me and OWH is off?

Sorry that you are in this sitch.

With that said your sitch has so many bad things with it.

1. you H is a serial cheater - at min 3and manybe more?

2. Your H "doesn't want things to be awkward" too late, he gave that option up when he stuck his member in another woman.

3. They see each other in the hall, but don't work togther. Can't be both ways. Must be a reason for seeing each other

4. You think contact is still happening. You will never recover until it stops for good.

Can you give more info - age, kids, how long M

Thanks for your reply. We have been married 5 years. Our kids are 4 and less than 1 year. He adores them and was petrified that I would kick him out after d-day and he wouldn't get to see the kids.

They work in the same office, but do not actually work together. I think they only see eachother by coincidence in the hall. I do not believe that they are meeting on purpose and I am confident that all they say is "hello" and "good morning." Does that count as contact? Is this a sign that the affair will resume?

They have both said there was no sex in the PA and I do believe that. However, I think there would have been had it continued much longer.

I suspect your H wants to part w/the OW as "friends". That CANNOT happen. That is still considered contact & must end immediately. The consequences of their actions dictate that they can never say "hello" to each other anymore. The best thing for him to do would just be to pass her in the hall w/o saying a word. And, I also add, if he's still seeing her in the halls of the workplace, he really should get another job to get as far away from her as possible. Another consequence of his actions.

I can tell you about my sitch.

My wife had an EA for about a year. Worked with OM. I found out and called OMW and told her about it. My wife told me that the EA was over and done, but she still worked in the same large room with OM. She still saw him some and said hi when they passed each other.

My wife did not start to come around, come out of the fog or work on us in our M until she quit and got a new job at a dif co. Oh she wanted to "be in live with me agian" told me she would give her right arm in be in love with me agian. Never happened unit they stopped seeing each other period.

After the job change it was still 4-5 months before she came around and out of the fog.

I do think that seeing each other stands in the way of your M.

M2L - did your WW resume the A during that time? He says he loves me and is committed to our family. I know he loves our kids more than anything in the world.

ST- My WH can't really change jobs, but I have read about people recovering successfully when the AP's still work together. Is this not possible if they are still "being polite?"

My personal opinion -- it will make recovery that much more difficult.

Does she say hello to him first? Does he initiate it? Why not just walk past her? That's what I don't get.

I think she was the first one to say it, but then the next time she didn't say anything and he said hello first. I guess I'm trying to figure out why he can't just walk past her. Is it really so bad if this is the only contact they have?

I'm trying to figure that out myself. I'm thinking it's b/c he wants to part as "friends" like I mentioned above. That is soooo wrong thinking IMO. That CANNOT happen. There ARE going to be hard feelings. You have been BETRAYED. THe more he says hi to her & gives her a friendly smile, the more it digs the dagger into your back. Does he not see that??


IMO yes. Her & him working together, no matter how brief the contact may be, is a constant reminder for YOU & for HIM. I'm really thinking of BOTH of you here.