The OW is a single woman in a large circle of close friends. Only 2 other people know about the affair. At some stage our paths will cross. I'm dreading this, perspire and feel faint just at the thought. I don;t know if I should pre-empt the situation and contact her or just wait... I've valued the opionions that people have posted on other threads and am hoping that someone can help me handle this situation? Please help.

Background:
I'm 42, 2 small children. I have been with my partner (happily for the most part) for 20 years. We got married, finally in May 2006. For the past 2 years, I had felt something was 'different' in the relationship but had naively but it down to 'being together' for so long and 'mid life' crisis. Again, like many others I would never have belived him capable of this.

If I had seen this site a year ago and read the signs for knowing if your husband is having an affair..I would have seen it, They were all there!

In December 2006, After 10 months of worsening feelings and intuitions I finally cornered him and make him admit.

The affair he said had ended acrimoniously in October 2006. He says that 4 years ago, they liaised but it was only 'heavy fondling' for want of better words. But 18mths-2yrs ago a sexual relationship began. My H is still at home with me. On his part he said it was just sex and lust, on hers .. I haven't the faintest idea what she wanted to gain from it. The OW I've known probably for 20 yrs as well, she's single, with a few failed relationships behind her. Personally, we've never been really close but we are always at the same parties and chidren's birthdays.

Ever since discovering this site a month ago, I have found it a constant source of support. I thank the people who have taken time to write and help others.

The best way to manage the OW is to never see her again. Complete and total no contact for life.

You don't manage her...

you manage yourself and your husband....

how was he in contact with her...
how do you know they are not in contact...

the truth is you don't go to parties where she is...
period....

ARK^^

Exposure is how you "manage" her. Have you exposed to the friends in your group?

If they knew what she was, would they feel safe with her knowing their families/their husbands?

Dear All, Thank you for replying. Ideally, yes, I would love that she doesn't exist and I'd never see her again but I don't think that will always be possible.
This is a very confusing time for me and my emotions change by the moment. In strong moments I want to face her.

As to to whether he is still in contact with her to be honest I don;t know. He lied to me once about the affair when I asked in Feb2006, now I could never tell whether he is telling the truth or not. I've never asked.

All I know is when he told me of the affair he said he has had no contact since.

One of the people that knows is her best friend (also a close friend of mine). She knew nothing about the affair when I asked her. The friend was mortified it had happened and has not spoken to the OW since. This maybe was enough for the OW to realise the stupidity of what she was involved in, the loss of a friend and face. So, I'm hoping that she has never contacted him since.

I have never wanted to expose her to friends and families, damage limitation? dignity? I don;t know.


Ka..strange that you should mention 'would they feel safe with her knowing their husbands'...that's exactly what this friend said..'it could have been my husband'.

Ark...with regards to contact; email, cell phone and land line phone. TO be honest when she phoned and asked to speak to H, I didn't think anything of it!