I have been looking on this forum for the past few weeks to make sense of what I am going through.
History:
H and I have been married for 8 yrs in April, lived together for three years previous and have been together as a couple since 93. We have two children, 2 yrs and 10 wks old.
In Oct. of 06, H's cousin called me on my way to work and told me that H was having an affair with his wife. So, here I am 8 mths. pregnant on my way to work and I get this news. I call H to find out if it is true and he does not deny it. Now, I am devastated!! I call her who by the way is supposed to be a good friend, and she does not deny it either. We had been trying to help her get out of her marriage to WH's cousin, because of his controling behavior toward her. WH and I have been having problems communicating with each other for a while now at this point. So, I guess the both of them took full advantage of the solution.
Another thing that is a problem, is that my WH has taken up a lot of time with OW's son. So, after I found out about the A, WH used OW's son for an excuse to spend time with OW. He helped him with racing which my WH likes to do, so he used that and convinced me that it was ok, because he could not be happy if he could not help OW's son which would be his 2nd cousin!!
Well, I put up with it until after the baby was born in Nov. 06 and after the holidays were over. At that time, WH's cousin had threated to kill him and he meant it. So, my WH took off for a few days to let things cool off. When he came back Jan.1, I just told him that I could not stand for him to have contact with OW's son anymore and that I would not put up with it anymore. He was not happy, but agreed to it. I also called her and told her to stop calling my WH and to let us alone that if she ever cared for me and my kids, she would let us try to work things out.
So, WH stayed and acted like he hated to be there. He did not sleep in the same bed, say he loved me, or even try to touch me. I had enough after a week of that and also find out that she had been calling him and that he talked to her. The next day, he finally told me that he loved her, but he loved me too and that he had not been happy for a long time. He said that he hurt when he was with me and the kids, that he hurt when he was alone, but he did not hurt when he was with her. I was so devastated by this that I just told him to leave. He stayed gone for a week, but would come over everyday and spend the whole day with us and then leave at night. I thought we were trying to work it out. After a week of him being gone, I asked him to stay home and he said that that was not a good idea, so I called one of his friends to ask him how he felt about things, since I know WH had talked to him about this. He told me that WH had talked to OW and I was furious!!! I called WH and told him to get home and get his stuff that I wanted a D.
Long story short, he said he wanted to work things out and has been home ever since and has made an effort. He goes to church with us, but will not go to counseling with me. I feel we are making some progress, but I am afraid if he does not talk to someone about why he did this or what caused this to happen in his mind that he will do it again and I will not put up with it again no matter what.
I don't know what to do right now I feel so hurt because of this, that I am unsure that I will ever recover. They did this to me while I was pregnant with our second child and he did this with family. She lives in the same town as us, so I get to see her a lot more than I want to!!!
I just need some advice to what I should do, I love my WH very much so much that this is why I hurt so bad. I want to make this relationship work, I feel that he is my best friend and he just has some problems, but how much abuse should I take before I say forget it. Please let me know what you think, I am in great need of advice.
Thanks for reading this long post,
