Ok everyone, Marsh, M2L, Jim, anyone. The OM is a distant memory. He has been the farthest thing from my mind but my H and I are still lost. We try and do the things that the other ask but we still have trouble communicating. It's like we forgot how to be friends. He is doing more with us as a family which I love and is trying to be nice but he still s not filling my admiration need or my need for conversation. He says talking turns him off. I want him to be interested in what I say like he use to.

I have been doing all of the things he said he needed from me. I know it's only been a few days but I still need some direction.

Also I need tips on getting him to go to retrouville with me. Real adamant about not wanting to go and think we need to be there more than ever. I am so desperate I will try about anything.


I just want it to be like it use to if not better. I use to feel like I could tell him anything. He use to be so understanding now I think because he felt like I have been neglecting his needs for so long all he feels is resentment. He says he loves me and he wants it to work and I feel the same just have no idea on how to get to that point where I don't feel like running away. Thanks for listening.

MB

MB,

You'd do better to post this on the emotional boards.

This board is for infidelity.

There are alot of fantastic posters over there who can help you.

But, I'll say this... you CAN'T make your H do anything he doesn't want to do.

You can only change YOU.



Why do you feel like running away? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />


~ Marsh

Thanks Marsh for the advice. I feel like running away because I am scared and tired of being neglected and hurt. Like you said I can't make him do anything and if he is not willing to then why stay?

Please be sure to talk to him, I wish every day that my wife had. Tell him:
Look, I'm upset about...
If you don't change this I fear I may...

My wife walked away, and like most men, I was oblivious. My crime? Neglect. Took her for granted. Got Comfortable. My mind was on work, finances, and not CONVERSATION with my wife. I didn't meet her recreational needs.

Tell him, don't threaten him or nag. Put his hands in yours and tell him in a loving way that this is serious. We are man, we will not get it until it's too late when this is the case. If you feel yourself going done that road, run early while there is still love - please don't walk away when it's too late.

When a walk away wife leaves and it's too late, that's when the most genuine of change occurs in a man. And sometimes it's missed or dismissed, and leaves his heart as broken as yours is now.

I know.

Thank you so much Jayban. I really appreciate. Your statement was heartfelt and I almost cried reading it. How do I tell him without coming off as nagging. How do I get his attention so he can see how I feel and where I am coming from?

Mary,

you keep asking this question and I'm not sure if anyone here (or anywhere) can answer this question. All you can do is the best you can to get him to understand your POV.

My wife had an EA. She would tell me that she was falling out of love, I took her for granted - all of that. I never listen, well OM listened and the EA was born.

Don't go thru that pain with your H

Keep tying.

Mary,

Let me give you some perspective. Since August, I knew my WW was having an EA. She continued to talk to OM on the phone for pretty much an hour a day even when I was around (she would just walk into the other room). Well, in November, I found out it was a PA. I finally got her to agree to NC with OM (which she has broken four times), and she still refuses to commit or work on the M. Don't you think I'm tired of not getting my ENs met?

What is my point? My point is that you can only make yourself change. And guess what? Those changes may not change the course of your M immediately. In fact, it will probably take about 6 months of your changes to motivate your spouse to change. I have been doing it since August, and my W cheated on me. You have admitted to starting to develop feelings for another man. Your H noticed that, and it hurt him. It will take him some time to heal. You cannot change the course of your M overnight. But if you want to change your M, it takes patience and dedication, but it will happen. Trust me, if I can do it after all my W has done to me, then you can do it. Suck it up!