I feel like this is a silly teenager game that I am wanting to play. I wouldn't know the OW if I saw her--I know who she is and her name, occupation, etc., but couldn't make myself look her in the face.I just watched her walk by and looked at her from afar. I know it sounds silly, but I feel like I am still competing with her even though the A has been over for 10 months. WH has no contact unless accidental(which he hasn't mentioned)

I want her to know how my WH and I are together now. I want her to see us "happy". I want him to tell her how great I am and what a mistake it was for him to fall for her.

Is this silly for a 40-year-old woman to be thinking? I guess I just want to be the winner here and I want her to know it. This isn't healthy is it?

Thats very healthy! She tried to destroy your marriage and lost in her effort. JUSTICE PREVAILED! Nothing silly about reveling in that success.

Why is this so? He has chosen you. Hasn't he made that clear to you? This is between YOU and YOUR HUSBAND. Your HAPPINESS should be coming from each other.



You are the WINNER. Why do you not FEEL like the winner?

I am sad for you if you feel that your MARITAL HAPPINESS is determined by continuation of the TRIANGLE...involving her in your thought process...when your focus should be on your own HAPPINESS..personally and with your husband...

Insecure, your goal is for the OW to never ever be a part of your life...in any shape or form..not even in your thoughts...LET HER DIE....

It took me months to get over the angry feelings (saying it nicely ) that I had towards the OW..but I never felt the need to PROVE anything to her..

She got what she DESERVED and should have EXPECTED when she tried to make claims on someone that was not hers..when she tried to destroy me...

RESIST THE EVIL FORCES THAT ARE ATTRACTING YOU TO HER...

I can sympathize with you. My H hasn't had contact with the OW either and we are both working on rebuilding our marriage together. He is committed to us and our marriage and has no intention of ever seeing or talking to her again.

I do find myself wishing that she could somehow see how happy he is and how committed he is to our marriage now. All she ever heard about was how unhappy he was... I don't want him to have to see or talk to her in order for her to know this though. It's just something that would make me feel like SHE is over the A and has moved on.

I agree with the other posters that you ARE the winner and that even giving her a second of your thoughts still keeps her around in a way. But I do know how you're feeling, because I have the same thoughts myself...

..I read with interest your posting as I too am trying to deal with 'how to mange the OW' who was a friend. Your posting made me think what I was trying to achieve by approaching her.

My Husband told me a couple of the comments the OW made after the A ended. "..well you never loved her anyway.." and "..You're alright she'll take you back.."

How wrong her comments are! But, she made me feel like some kind of doormat.

So no, It is important that my H wants to be with me, regrets bitterly what he did AND I want the OW to SEE that...