Vets, I need your help:
I'm looking to plan my plan B. It may not be necessary, as my WW and ILs seem to have already Plan B'd me this week after exposure and it's a possibility that D is imminent. Many around me are, of course, drawing that conclusion.

I have began to lose love for my WW, and that is something that I do not want. The indignant behaviour, the "entitlement", the overall attitude of my WW is causing this loss of love by me given her supreme betrayal. I want nothing more than to preserve it and believe, as we all do, that every situation is unique.

I caught on to this very late. I realized my mistakes and wised up too late. This affair is months in, and my wife is 6 weeks out of the house. WW is continuing the affair, and is beginning to integrate OM into my DD's life by introducing them in this early stage.

It remains to be seen whether the ILs will stop the A or fund a divorce. Divorce in Texas is relatively quick, with only a 60 day waiting period. Time is precious.

I am giving it one week to allow for the dust to settle after exposure, and to see IF my ILs and WW plan on speaking to me this weekend. The ILs appear to have Plan B'd me, as my FIL has not called yet and not replied to my email. Paranoid? No, it is very unlike him to not return a message of any kind. Perhaps they are going into a lockdown on communications to prevent further damage.

In the event I do meet with WW and the ILs, it is possible that FIL may:

1. Want to broker a meeting to discuss an amicable divorce
2. Want to broker a continued separation, with counseling, in which he believes it is silly to think WW will have to quit her job with OM.
3. The least likely, but I retain hope, oversee a reconciliation and end of the A with my return to the "home", but in a separate bedroom.

The longer WW is in the affair, working with OM, and in a different domicile, the less chance I have of saving this marriage. Look objectively at that and you will surely acknowledge that fact.

Given my "on the ground feel" for this, I need to continue to act and not react.

Thoughts? I'm reaching the pivotal moment this weekend, with a departure for California for two weeks on Sunday. This may be the last big moment in this fight, one never knows. I'm calling on all of you for objective game-planning, I need all I can get.

Can you get an LSA in place giving you temporary custody of your daughter? Given her truancy issues at school, and the fact that she is 'staying somewhere else' while WW is with OM, this wouldn't seem too hard. But then DD15 might be old enough to decide for herself which parent to go with.

My point is that even if you cannot salvage the M, you can make sure that DD15 goes with the better, more stable parent.

DD:
DD will most definitely decide to live with WW. DD is free
to run loose with no structure that way.

LSA:
I'm in Texas, you are either married or divorced here. Custody would be a tough issue, as I currently am in the process of losing the marital home since my wife's abandonment. It was already behind in mortgage due to her stoppage of financial contribution.

I do want to salvage my marriage, and I'm working Plan A for the meanwhile, but I'm drafting the letter now and beginning to plan.

It is truly sad what has happened to our marriage and us, and the path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation.

I know I have made mistakes in the past and I am truly sorry for helping to create an environment that has made it possible for your affair. I do know those things I was lacking in - I just didn’t understand how important it was to us. I am continuing to grow as a husband, and will continue working to further understand my shortcomings in our marriage through counseling, self-reflection, and a deep commitment to a study of marriage. I have already become a better man, husband, and father. I have been forever changed by the last few months, and I know it is for the better.

The past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. My only consolation is the memories of the love we once shared, of the all good times we have spent together, your extraordinary qualities that led me to commit to spend my life with you and thoughts of us being together, someday happy again.

I remember you.

Unfortunately, I now find those thoughts and feelings are slowly eroding away. Before I lose any more of the thoughts and feelings of what was once us, I must take some drastic steps.

As you know I am still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you. One, in which we both feel loved, safe, and cherished. I simply cannot continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are still involved with another person. It has become too painful. We can only rebuild our marriage, together, when you completely end your relationship with him.

Until that point, I feel I must break off all contact with you. I will avoid seeing you or talking to you or communicating with you in any way.

I ask that you respect my decision to break off contact from you in this way. You must know the deep pain and humiliation I have endured because of your relationship with another man, especially given that it is at our shared place of employment. I simply cannot be in contact with you any longer and this action is a necessity to preserve my love for you, to avoid poisoning all that we have shared together, and to give our marriage the best chance for recovery.

I will be willing to discuss our future together as soon as you are willing:
• To permanently separate/have absolutely no contact with him
• To construct a plan to ensure a complete separation from him that will include no longer working together.
• To reunite our family in one household, under one roof, for the purposes of determining if we can make our family the strongest it has ever been.
• To develop a plan together for the recovery of our marriage in which we both seek to bring our marriage to the best place it can be before making a decision on it’s future.
• To attend Marital Counseling together to gain further tools and understanding of our problems and how to solve them.

I propose the timeline for this recovery would be the remainder of your lease at the home you have moved to (December). If you are willing to open your heart to the possibility of reconciliation and to try living together the rest of this year following the plan above, and we find that your feelings have not changed by that time, I will seek an amicable dissolution of our marriage in good faith. I refuse to remain long in a loveless marriage, and will walk away should I be proven wrong that love and happiness CAN be found in a new marriage between us.

My heart is heavy with the sadness of this. Time has shown me that I was lost, and I realize now that all paths lead to you. You believe that the ship has sailed at this moment. I believe it is still in sight of shore, and through the fog you can barely pick out a light. I am that lighthouse which is beckoning you back and offering you a new life together of happiness. I will fulfill my marital vows to you, if I have never before, until the moment the ink is dry on the death of our marriage. I know there is still life in our love, and that love can return. I have found true love in this short time we have been apart, as I have chose to accept and value the relationship with you even after I discovered the truth.

I have loved you in many different ways; as a girlfriend, as a wife, as a confidant and as a friend. I have loved you every one of the 17 years I have known you. I still love you today; I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are still involved with someone else and we are not living together as man and wife.

I told you recently that our love and marriage is a diamond, and that over the years this diamond has been covered in the dirt and grime of arguments, neglect, hurt, betrayal, mistrust, abuse and the day to day struggles which have propelled us through our youth.

That diamond remains where we left it. It can be something shiny and beautful again, but it will require two to polish. When you are ready to take my hand, I'll show you where it's at.

It's a good idea that you are making preperations for Plan B, however I would strongly suggest you stay in Plan A for a little while longer. A good Plan A will set up your Plan B and you haven't been in Plan A for a very long time. It will be harder since you aren't livig together. Also you just exposed so going into Plan B now may look like you are punishing her for what she did.

This is a long process so try to take it slow. Results don't come quickly when dealing with a WS so you need to have some patience.

I second Hope's post

A good, longer, plan A will set up plan B.

You can still do plan A, but it is harder that she is not in the house. When done right your wife will see a must stronger Jay. She will like what she sees, but then when plan B cames around - she no longer gets to see Jay.

Keep it up - we know it is hard, but right now it's your best path out of this H hole.