What can the BS do to remain in love with the WS who is still in the fog? Plan A is wearing my love for her out and I need some advice on how to maintain it.




My thread:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...2&fpart=all

Take nothing personally, believe nothing she says, do it because it's the right thing to do, the selfless thing to do, believe that God will sustain you and give your courage each and every day, expect NOTHING back, in fact expect that the more you change and plan A the more she will rebel, don't argue with her, justify, preach at her, simply do what you need to do and forget it, know that you are doing this in an attempt to save and rebuild a new and better M with the woman you married, know that plan B is available once a good plan A is completed (3-6 mos depending on the state of the M before the A) and lastly know that we are all here for you to come and talk, vent, etc at any time of the day.

God bless,

You don't stay in love with the WS.

You stay in love with the S.
Mulan

In addition to the excellent advise of H&P:

Shift focus to your COM and your own self improvements. WS's will never admit to it but they ARE watching your actions. They will notice your self improvements even if they woun't admit to it.

Keep up the plan A! Provide a good / safe environment for WW to return home to. Plan some fun outings with COM and make sure to invite WS. If she comes, great! an excellent opportunity to deposit units in her LB. If not, have a good time yourself with your COM.

You have reserves of strength inside of you that you do not realize. You will be able to tap them when you need them (and a prayer or two never hurts <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />).

Stay Strong!

Hello CT,

For me, counseling with the Harley's helped tremendously. It didn't help me stay in love, it helped me stay the course. I'd say romantic love is pretty rare to feel for a WS while you are being hurt so deeply. It helped to hear reassurance that I was doing the right thing, and that feelings would follow actions. That eventually my WW would come out of the fog, return to the marriage, and begin making deposits in my LB. I wanted to believe it for the sake of my children, so I kept at it, even while she was lying to me, calling him, and driving out to his house, but I wasn't optimistic.

But now that she seems to be back, has toned down the LBs and started meeting a lot of my ENs, my feelings of romantic love for her are growing in a big way.

So I would say stick to your plan A even without being in love. Stick to it as long as your mental health can take it, with the knowledge that your feelings will return when she returns to the M.

NS