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#1822531 02/07/07 05:36 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 8
H
Junior Member
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 8
Well it was around 9-10-06 when my wife fell off the ladder. She was in the hospital for 3 days.When she was in there I said to my self things are going to change,I love my wife and she could have been killed and she wouldnt realise how much she means to me. My wife was a realitor and had a lot of time ,make your own scedual.Well a year or so ago she started doing stuff with this guy 65 years old 20 years older then her,hiking and stuff like that.Well I didnt like it but what can I do I work all day,I said you dont do things with the opposite sex when you are married.She said hes 20 years older no big deal,so she thought. Well after a year of this our sex life was nil and when we did make love she wasnt there at all,I new something was going on.The day she fell off the ladder I ask here and she said no.Then 20 minuets latter she fell off the ladder and hospital for 3 days.After 2 days at home we were making love and she said hurry up I blew up and said I want your email password, she said no and left.She came back about an hour latter and gave it to me.There was letters in there from him nothing condeming though,Because I told her not to e-mail him because its not right. She told me she would right a e-mail and tell him they cant talk any more because they were both married and its not good.He is in Africa <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> thank god!Well 2 days later I was snooping in here e-mail and found these letters saying stuff like miss you and stuff like that,so I went and ask her before I went to wark she layed there eyes closed and finally said yes.I blew up and we went for a drive and I was mad as ******.I screamed at her for a while and then we went home.She was on the front porch and I told her I could see how this could happen its rong but we wernt meshing and could see how it could. I told her that we could work through this and she called a marriage counsler a christian mc.We went 4 4 weeks and he finally told her she was rong totally rong and when he said that I thought,Shes going to want to find another counsler,and that is what she said.So she did she said she hasnt been happy in 26 years and I said bull,and she said not with us but with her self,she always looked at others to make her happy.So she went to this counsler not a christian but something else and I didnt want her to because I wanted someone who is going to work on marriage as well as herself.But I let her go and she did. Acouple of month latter she found out he had a 22 year old girl friend in Africa and she realised she was being used.Called her and she was crying really hard and said how rong what she was.Well its now been 4 months and I cried every day of them.Ive been pretty good the last 2 weeks only cried 2 times.I told here I have always had a hard time expressing my feeling and didnt respect her enough,not blaming just me she had a big part in our marriage troubles to.We are working on our mattiage but she says its hard for her to because every time she looks at me she feels so guilty.Im just being the husband I should always have been and pray we make it every day.She always says she didnt realise she ment so much to me. I think that all the lies are as bad as the affair.Its still really hard at times its like I dont no her its not the same girl I married and I hope it all comes back.I think god hellped in this because the ladder,being home me finding the emails,Him going to africa ,the new girl friend.I think it all happend for a reason and we both are going to be better people ,I no Im going to be a better husband for it. A counsler told me you really dont no how to love till your hearts been broken and she was right.Theres a lot more to this story but Its getting long.I feel for every body out there its the worst pain Ive ever had and wish I could get it out of my mind,not going to happen thought. not much of a speller or puncuation. [list

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 92
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 92
Heartake,
First of all, welcome to MBs. This has been an incredible source of hope and inspiration for me. I am BS and husband is FWH. From looking at your profile, it has been about six months since DDay. It has been one week shy of a year for me. I have to tell you that things are getting better, but they are not perfect. The closer we get to DDay, the more emotional I become. I have all of these visions and haunting thoughts and memories. Sometimes I can get over them and just talk myself out of obsessing over them. Other times I really struggle, too.

It sounds like your wife was in a fog for a while and it took some life-changing events to bring her out of it. I am not sure where you stand at this point, but I would encourage you to print off the EN (emotional needs) questionnaires available on a tab at the top of this page. This was very important for us to know what the other needs. It also helped to "frame" the affair....to help me understand. While the affairs on my husband's part were totally his choice, there are things that were wrong with our marriage....needs that weren't getting met...and I take responsibility for some things.

I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain. I have been in your shoes. It sure would help to get more specifics like.....date of DDay....any kids? Any other information would help me to understand your situation. Regardless, I want you to know that I will be praying for you. Good luck and God bless.

SS


Me: 44
FWH: 51
Married: 15 years (second for both)
Children:
Mine: 25, 22, 21
His: 26, 20
D-Day: 3/13/06
Healing: Ongoing

May the grace of God comfort you and heal your pain.

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