Orchid,

You're the expert in babbling back. I need your help.

In a nutshell, I've been in plan B for 2 + years and have only seen and talked to WH twice in all this time although we have exchanged a few e mails. He's still living wth OW and has not asked for a divorce.

About 10 days ago he wrote me an e mail asking why I opened his letters which come to the house. I didn't answer. Today he sends me the e mail again saying that maybe I didn't see it. What should I do? Should I answer? and what can I say without LBing?

Thanks a lot.

after 2+ years of Plan B ... I would not worry about lovebusting

do you open his mail when it comes to your house?

Pep

PS ... how do you know for certain it is not OW sending you this crap? they live together...

thanks Pep. I feel like telling him everything I think and feel about him! But it won't be nice except as an example of real love busting!

I don't think OW has access to his e mail, she probably doesn't care since she has his money, and that's all she cares about.

She hasn't gotten him to divotce me, and she hasn't re directed his mail to their septic home.

He has redirected the credit card statements and maybe something else, but I get the bank statement for the money we had together and so far he hasn't touched that. I also get all the bills and send them to him and he pays them.

He's very generous with our daughters and has paid all the house bills and even some personal stuff for me, so I don;t think OW knows everything. Or she doesn't care, because she now has more than she ever had in her life.

I have heard that things are not very rosy for them... they work together, of course, but OW has managed to make most of the employees leave and has replaced them with her family including her ex BF! Yuck!!!!!!

So, do I have your permission to say it all?

NO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

it will not help your position if you intend to reconcile

do you?

in 2 years have you fallen out of love with him?

Pep

that's what I suspected, that's why I wrote here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am Catholic so I have to answer that I do hope to reconcile, and I also must admit that when all this started I did say that WH is the SLOW kind so it would probably take him more time than normal people to go thru the process. In that sense I owe it to him to wait 3 years instead of 2 I guess....

There will be no 2nd marriage for me, so the only reason for divorce would be financial and in this country (in South America) divorce is not convenient for me. What is really surprising is that OW is not pushing him for divorce...

Personally I would prefer not to LB but to tell him some of the truths he's still denying....

ccbis,

After two and half really DARK Plan B.....the blush may be off the rose of that affair. Plan B has served it's purpose and you need to decide what you want. If you still want him...It's time to communicate and see wasssup. Send him this email:

I'd rather you opened your own letters....at your family home....where they are addressed. Let me know if you're ready to do what it takes to come home.

If you don't want him....just get an attorney and start building a new life.

(((((((((((((((((((ccbis)))))))))))))))))

thanks Starfish, that is exactly what I needed. Because I don't get those great ideas I rely on MB. At least I've learned to ask for advice before reacting!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I had actually started 2 e mails answering before I remembered that you guys were here for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

2 years is a looooooooooooooong time, and it has been a VERY DARK plan B, but I still have feelings for him, even if they are not the nicest kind. I am NOT indifferent, unfortunately. It would be easier if I were.

I won't give him the pleasure of answering tonight. He only reads e mails at his own workplace during the afternoons and evenings (I don't think it occurs to him that he can read them anywhere else!). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Maybe tomorrow or friday.....

((((CC)))))

My vote is for the STARFISH EMAIL..but you already knew that... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

2 years in plan B and his mail is still at your home? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Why?

Yea, he pays the bills but isn't he suppose to anyways? After all he AIN'T divorced.

He gets no kudos and if he is wondering if his mail has been opened, then he'd better come and find out.

I would recommend you don't answer his e-mail.

Any ideas as to what prompted him to ask this question?

After 2 years, plan B ought t/b old hat. IMHO, recon due to religion doesn't make sense since God isn't into torturing people. D due to adultery frees the faithful spouse.

IMHO, reverse babble now would not have the impact until you have his attention....completely.

I'd love to shake up that OW with something wild so that she'd drive herself crazy. Maybe that's already happening.

Still you need concrete proof before you lend him a hand.

Protect you and your children. The WS needs to get weak and let your real H out. This has been too long.

That OW doesn't have a good grip on the WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

Not only do we get most of his mail but many work related phone calls. If I answer those I tell them he doesn't live here and that I don't know where he lives which is true. Since he has denied the A in spite of living with OW he has never given me an address.

To those I know I always tell the truth: he's living with OW somewhere but you can find them at work.

I know where he lives, it's only 10 blocks away from home.

I open some of his mail just in case it's an unpaid bill.





he could stop paying and we would be in real trouble. The courts would take ages and he probably wouldn't have to pay them all in the end anyway.
I've asked a lawyer and she told me that I would never get even half of what he's paying now if I divorced.

I am leaning to an answer like starfish's... But that's me. I have no idea what mental state WH is in, I'm in plan B <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

you and I seem to be on the same wavelengths...

I keep thinking this may be the opening he needs.

Then put away for a rainy day so you are not so dependent on the WS.

The WS' know and like to use the fact that the BS has to rely on them.

Remove that factor and see how quickly the WS deflates. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

IMHO, you can't let the fear of support keep you enabling the A.

He is questioning you opening the mail now because???? I still haven't heard a valid reason for his panic calls.

What does he think you will find? Do you think you will find OW charges? Do you think he has put the OW on his medical plan? It has been done in the past.

In my case, the OW claimed preggo and even asked for medical coverage which in my case would have meant I would have had to cover her since I was the one carrying the medical insurance (H was self-employed). You can bet I was NOT going to pay for an A pregnancy. I refused to give her a dime and told her she had better come up with a doctor's name and a bill before I would even consider it. WS was panicking and wanted to give her $$. The fool..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

So get to the real reason and learn how to filter through his babble. R U up to this task?

L.

Yes, CC!!

I think this is MEANINGFUL..after ALL THESE YEARS!!

It almost has to be an EXCUSE to contact you.

He has had other more important, legitimate reasons to try and reach you...regarding the girls, for example.

Those statements tend to be contradictory.

What are the divorce laws like in your country? You might actually be better off filing for divorce if your H is still in the A, rather than waiting much longer.

CC's not filing for D because of her devout Catholic religious beliefs, having consulted with a priest...

Plus, she continues to have "feelings" for her husband...

Dr. Harley recommended for her to wait the two years..I think he E-mailed her..but she can fill you in...

Man, what I meant is that he never TOLD me where he lived, never gave me his address.


Thanks for all your answers. In the course of the afternoon I will probably answer him along the lines of what Starfish said and Mimi and I think is best.

I don't think the divorce laws would do me any favors. Although divorce is preferable to this situation, and it is acceptable for my religion, I do not want to be the one to initiate it. That would be, in MY particular case, playing into WH's hands. He NEVER wanted to be responsible for anything. I want him to be responsible for breaking the marriage up.

Dr. H told me to wait 2 years like he tells everyone, and by that time either the affair is over or the BS has detached so much he?she does not want the marriage anymore which is understandable from Dr. H's point of view. He also frequently says that divorce may have to happen before the A is over.

He also says that 95% of affairs DO END.

And that plan B is necessary in 85% of the cases.

As I said in the beginning, WH is not only slow but very stubborn, so he's a difficult case. And OW is a predator who has publicly confessed that it took her a lot of time and effort to "get" him! So she's not letting go that easily.


I'll let you guys know what happens.

Thanks alot. I know I can always count on you.

Can't do this. But he doesn't know that. I could live with my salary on my own if I get half the house, but I have 3 teeangers living with me. I could not support us all.

In tehse 2 years I've never asked for anything, nor have I complained. Once he complained about expenses and I wrote him an e mail saying that he was still the head of the family and that we would live according to the standrs he set for us. I never had another complaint about expenses again!

And he paid for my books on infidelity! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

and other stuff I order on his credit card which I always let him know and offer to pay, but he always refuses MY money.


So I'm not afraid. I would sell the house in a second if I could but there are no buyers....