Looking forward to the update...Godspeed in getting her served and on to the next step...

Do you know that 9 is my favorite number? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, lucky for you that's how many days you have to court!

Hurray!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I have ten!

I need a weekend so that it can go by faster! LMAO

I'm feeling better today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well I know she didn't get served yesterday b/c she called me at 5 yesterday between her IC and her A consult. She just wanted me to know that this is all my fault and I'm only doing this to hurt her, not to protect DS, b/c I hate her and want to destroy her. I am the one who is hurting DS by doing this horrible thing to him and I am the one brainwashing him and making him not want to be with her. Nothing she did hurt DS b/c he is only 3 and won't remember any of it, but what I am doing apparently will.

Oh, and what I am doing is unforgivable and she went into her old fog babble reasons for US being a mistake. She says that I just don't get her.

and once she was done she wanted me to know that she doesn't want to argue with me.

These were my replies even though I still can't figure out why I even engaged with this lunatic.

I am doing this only to protect DS. YOU decided that DS didn't need a mother. YOU decided that DS would be better off without you. YOU tried to KILL yourself. Now YOU have changed your mind and want me to handover DS like nothing ever happened. THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

Then I told her that if she wanted to talk about unforgivable acts then I needed to play catch up b/c I was way behind. Referering to her unforgivable rant and our R rant I said, "Didn't I file for divorce? Why does any of this matter anymore? Haven't I conceded that we're through?"

Then she went on a tirade about me being an A-hole and a Jack A$$ of a H and all I want to do is hurt her.

I said again "Didn't I file for Divorce? Why are we discussing this?"

She couldn't let it go. She's trying to use hurting me as a weapon, but she can't do it anymore and she's lost that control.

Then she starting crying and playing the victum.

Then she hung up.

I've noticed a pattern in our communication. This is how it works.

1. High and Mighty Selfish Entitlement. When that doesn't work.

2. Angry tirade spewing the most vial garbage she can muster. When that doesn't work.

3. Complete emotional breakdown. Crying, Playing the victum.
Why Me. What have I done to deserve this. When that doesn't work.

4. Hang Up

That's been most of our conversations over the last 4 months. Same thing everytime.

Again, I never lost my temper. I never hollered are called her names. I stuck to my guns. The only thing I gave her this time b/c she kept hounding me about what I thought of her was this.

I said, "WW, you are the most selfish human being that I have ever met. I loved you despite that for all these years and I still love you today. If you want to add adjectives to that then knock yourself out."

Well, believe me she added plenty of adjectives about how I felt about her. I wouldn't disagree with her, but I wasn't going to say it myself. I just told her those were her words, not mine. She has my offical statement of how I feel about her.

So yet another completely unproductive conversation with WW. It hurt. I was in tears last night after I put DS down. I can't stand to see her like this and I can't completely ignore all the horrible names she calls me.

I know, or at least I hope, that sooner or later she will realize that she can't control me anymore and will stop trying. Once the court has decided how this will be handled there won't be anything left to argue about.

I've decided if she does this again I will cut off contact with her for a while. I don't need this crap anymore.

I just want to move on with my life and make the best of it.

Glad you're feeling better Rin. I'm alright today. I talked to God last night. Told him what was on my mind. Cried a little.

Today is a new day. It's awsome outside. I'll probably go play at the wearhouse later so I can open it up and enjoy the weather. Crank up the radio and organize some eqpt. Drink a beer if there's any in the icebox.

I love working for a mom and pop! Who else can do that at work!

Have a good day!

BC-
You know what advice was given to me when my WH was being mean on the phone? Just hang up. Hang up on THEM. It takes away their power over you. She is still seeing it as power for her when she engages you. You should just calmly tell her that you are not going to be verbally abused by her, and hang up. You will feel better about it. She will learn then that you are not her...whipping post. You know what I mean?

Sorry you had a tough night. It must be hard. You are doing the right thing, do not let her sway you. DS is worth it! You are absolutely doing the right thing!

Good luck!
Sadmo

Hi, BC...i am SOOO sorry that you had a bad night...

I agree with Sadmo...I had to set a boundary with STBX...I would only talk to him about the kids and finances...

This is protection for me...

It will get easier...please do not allow yourself to believe what the WS says...know in your heart what is true...trust yourself to know that you are a good person...

You are doing the best that you can and from what I've seen you are a wonderful dad and person...

You're on the right path! Smile! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I agree with Sadmo and Strivn, BC~~

There is no reason that your precious heart needs to hear anything other than, "I am responsible for my actions. I made horrible choices that have hurt you and DS irrevocably. And I am sorry." If those are not the words you hear coming out of WW's mouth, I suggest that you interrupt and say, "I no longer need to listen to your tirades since you chose to leave. Either stop being verbally abusive right now or I will hang up." If she continues, hang up. OTOH, if she sputters and then stops being verbally abusive...if she speaks to you with respect...then you continue listening.

Let me give you a quick example. What if it was Rin on the phone instead of your WW--or me? Would you EVER find it acceptable for either one of us to speak to you like she does? Would you accept a person who does not love you and is a friend of yours or neighbor to speak to you that way? No. Then neither should she. Expect and accept only what you would accept from the girl at the grocery checkout or the lady at the bank: respect with detachment. Anything else is unacceptable and all you have to say is, "You are being verbally abusive when you call me names and I no longer accept that in my life. Either stop it or I will hang up."

((BC)) You can do this!

Your faithful friend,


CJ

(Edited to add)
P.S. Uh, BC. Did you document this phone call? On your calendar, I would write something like: "5pm Phone call from WW. She wanted to know 'why I was doing this to her', then called names and was verbally abusive, broke down emotionally, then hung up." This documents her entitlement, her abusive/selfish side, her instability, and her inability to co-parent.

I am SO sorry I missed your reply to me about last weekend! I would of told you the same as others did. It's awesome how that worked out.

The advice above by CJ is right ON! Document, document, document without the emotional stuff. Just one thing though, on the confidential records, the judge may or may not hand over a copy to your side but he could use it in his ruling.

Good luck on your hearing!

I love these forums! It has been such a good source of support for me.

BC, I've been following your story and have been inspired by it. Seeing what you're going through now is definitely preparing me for my upcoming D that I had to reluctantly file to preempt WW's attempt at gaining custody of my kids.

God Bless you, and know that you are in my prayers!

Thanks Sadmo and Rin,

N/C with WW since Mon afternoon. She hasn't come by to see DS at all and I'm sure she won't tonight since she has weight watchers on Wed's. She's doing me a favor by staying silent, but once again DS suffers.

CJ and PM,
I've documented back about a month so far. I'll be working on it some more this afternoon. I REALLY appreciate the legal advice. That stuff isn't cheap. The benefits of this forum are infinite.

Thanks for checking in everybody!

CJ, CJ...BC must be being his homework tonight...

He's awefully quiet today!

Either that or watching Clara and Hethcliff again!

Brushing up on his expert knowledge!

What you think?

Nope. BC was at home listening to his WW cave in.

She had her first appointment with her attorney and I take it he told her she doesn't have a case. Advised her to settle custody before the hearing. We didn't work it out tonight, but I'm thinking I want a month after the hearing with no emotional breakdowns or attempts and I would be satisfied to go back to joint. I'll call my A tomorrow and discuss this evenings events.

She was very cooperative. We had a rational discussion about the divorce and custody. She has definately been humbled. I'm sure her attorney gave her the medicine she needed b/c this was not the woman that I have been dealing with the last 4 months. Even if it was an act to get it together for court it was nice all the same.

She came clean with more details about some of the stuff that's happened and what she's feeling and going through.
Still some fog left behind, but a month later she see's the affair for what it was and can't believe she let it happen and can't believe the things she did.

She's coming back tomorrow and wants me and DS to sleep at her apartment Sat night. (I had told her before that I would stay at her place if she wanted DS for the night when I was trying to explain that I wasn't trying to take DS from her) I'm a man of my word so me and DS will be staying at her apartment Sat night. I guess I get to crash on my sofa one last time.

So finally a pleasant experience with WW. I'm not even going to try to read into any of it. I did see some positive things though. When I looked in her eyes I saw a person again, not a zombie. When she was leaving she hugged me. I felt something. It wasn't empty and lifeless. If she really did drop her weapons maybe she's turning back into a human.

Oh, tomorrow I'll be going into Jan with documentation.
Don't worry, I'm still getting ready for worse case scenario.

I've got to turn out the lights. I'll post more tomorrow.

Good night.

Wow, BC, that sounds pretty positive, if not downright encouraging. But I agree with your cautious approach.

Hang in there. You're doing great! Keep up the good work.

Just wanted to drop by and let you know that I'm here rooting for you BC. It does sound like your WW is slowly 'dropping her weapons' and floating slowly down back to earth.

I wish you nothing but the best as always- but most importantly, peace.

VS

BC, practicing caution is definitely your best bet. The signs that your WW are showing are in the right realm, but you need more. It will be good for your DS to spend some time with mommy, too.

I hope you have a quiet, uneventful weekend.

My question from experience with my own sitch is: How long will THIS last?

I wish you well, and I already know that you'll take care of DS, no doubt about that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hope you have a quiet, uneventful weekend.

You hit it right on the head SL. That's exactly what I want. It's been months since I had one without drama.

WW was good with DS last night too and guess what, DS responded to her. imagine that. I am in awe at the intelligence and understanding that DS has demonstrated through all this. I haven't said a word about anything, but he gets it. He's figured this all out on his own. He knows when mommy's sincere and when she's not.

Another sign of DS's intelligence. Yesterday he was playing and I heard him say what sounded like George Bush. I said DS what did you say? He responded President George Bush. He just turned three. Yes, I'm bragging.LOL

SD and Vince,
Thanks fellas. Nice to get some men back on my thread. I was starting to feel like a hair dresser (spending my days gossiping with the girls) (not that I haven't enjoyed the attention) (Hey Ladies "Comment T'apre Fair?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Any way. I'll be busy at work the next couple a days so I'll post when I can. No internet at the wearhouse.

Have a good day.

If she's playin, I figure it will last until the day after the hearing.

If not, hopefully forever. She's very selfish. I'm really wondering if the fog that's left is just her selfishness and not really fog.

Time will tell.

Now don't dismiss our Mayberry Skit.

BC, I know I have not posted here very often but I have followed your whole story and read every post since you registered. You have been terrific through the whole unbelievable mess. I hope the new change to the situation turns the corner for you but I know you are too wise to have a main street parade celebration yet. Good job. Stay strong.

See you in Mrs. CJ's Detention Hall

Roger Chris,

I'll bring the water balloons.

If we get expelled I'll show you how to make whipped cream bombs out of shot gun shells. old neighborhood favorite.

remind me to remove the bb's!!