I am not yet sure that this is the correct forum for this. But it could turn out to be.

A week ago my wife of 15 years (& 3 children) told me she never wanted to marry me and only married me because she was pregnant. This just floored me emotionally and still I am trying to work things out inside. Now being in such a state I am not trusting my own judgement. My wife is my closest friend in the world and so I don't have anyone to talk to about this that is not a common friend. She did say she was sorry she said this and that she had wanted to keep it secret.

This was triggered by a 1400 minute cell bill to another man. The man is someone she is currently working with on a project that my wife has developed a great love of. So there is some validity to them having communications, but I could not believe that it would go from a couple hours one month to this.

She denies any affair with the man but does say she thinks he is funny and attractive. That she would never hurt me. I am fairly confident that she isn't lying about this.

What I am worried about is this. My wife is really unhappy with the way her life is now and is trying something new (A sport) and this man is her trainer. She did offer to drop the sport if I her to. However when I question her about it, there is nothing inappropriate about it. She seems to feel guilty of the time what she is planning on doing is going to take from the family.

So I tell her I am not going to tell her to quit, that the time should not be an issue. That she is a grown Christian woman and she knows what is appropriate and not.

So I have been on a roller coaster for the last week. She is warm to me one day and cold the next. I get close to her then she acts as if I am smothering her. I get the feeling that I am sitting on the sidelines waiting for a train wreck to unfold before my eyes. She says the man has never hit on her, but I am wondering what would happen if he did. And I don't know how to explain her actions currently. I am afraid that I am overreacting ( I don't currently trust my judgement) and that our current issues are on a different level than an affair.

I am not sure what I should be looking for or what I should be doing. I am assuming something inside her had to trigger what she said. There was infidelity by her over 12 years ago (I worked through those feelings years ago. The current situation certainly gives me flashbacks) Any thoughts?

OMG

SHE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR

She must drop the sport

She must write a NC letter to OM - YES OTHER MAN

You must read the FAQ's about infidelity on this site and start doing Plan A

WOW Classic text book affair.

AND


Is this ironic or is it an oxymoron?

Wow,
Gotta agree 100% with BIGK on this one. There are red flags flying all over the place here!!


Already trying to re-write marrital history to deflect her guilt and justify her A actions.



Sounds like common sense to me. This, for most, is proof enough!

Why? Hasn't she demonstrated the should can be untrustworthy in the past?(ie 12 years ago)

AS well she should. Anytime a S spends most of their time expending the energy on someone outside of the M, you can be reasonably sure there is an A taking place. That time and energy should be spent on you and your M, not with OM.
You need to find out who this OM is. Is he M'd as well? If so, it could very well be time to expose this to OM's W. I'll leave that to the judgement of others here.


And you're comfortable with this in light of 1400 min cellbill? You're a better man than me.

And it will if you don't derail this A before it goes to the next level(if it hasn't already).
Welcolm to MB. Start reaading all the things in the main section about A's. I wish you all the luck with this sitch. Be strong.

All Blessings,
Jerry

1400 minute on the phone is proof positive of an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. It IS your smoking gun. Bottom line.

FIO, I am sorry to tell you this, but your wife is probably having an affair. She is rewriting history in your marriage in order to justify her affair. She has fallen OUT OF LOVE because she has fallen IN LOVE with someone else. I suspect if you ask her to end her contact with this man, that she either won't or she will go under ground. I also wonder if she isn't hoping that you will step up to the plate and stop this before it goes too far.


Your current issue is an affair.

Get your hands on Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley and the articles on this website. That will help you understand the dynamics of adultery so you will be prepared to fight this.

FIO...sorry you are here. I hope that jmwc95 comes by with some advice for you. Your wife, however, is definitely having an affair.

Hi FIO...Welcome to MB's
You have proof on an Emotional Affair. Emotional or Physical is it still an Affair.

Regardless what one believes in they will do against it when the devil makes them.

BigK is right.

You need to have her stop going to this sport where the OM is the trainer. You need a NC letter between the two and one has to move off the project they are doing at work together and she needs to 1. either find a different place to work or 2. Avoid the OM...

This is coming from a FWW she has all the signs.