"I" statements can be tremendously devaluing in relationships. Let me explain.

When you say, "I am hurt because you did something," you are still blaming that person for your pain. You are making that person responsible for how you feel.

The only person responsible for how you feel is YOU. No one can devalue you, but you can allow yourself to be devalued.

People that hurt you are probably dealing with their own pain and resentment that they cannot handle. You will be making them feel worse than they already do by using "I" statements like the one above.

Instead, understand that they want you to feel as bad as they do. Also, you should feel compassion for them that they feel bad enough to try to hurt you. Compassion, is the answer. Then, stick to your core values: do you want to lash back at them? Yell, scream to make your point? Do you really think that will help?

Answer them back with compassion and see what happens. Think of a time in your life when you were hurt, felt unloved, imagine for a few moments that is what they feel like. Do not put yourself in their shoes, but understand your feelings, understand that they feel this way too, and answer them with compassion.

-dm