High school chemistry taught me a very valuable lesson: When certain
substances come into close contact they can form a chemical reaction. I
proved that one day during my senior year of high school when I dropped
a jar full of pure sodium off a bridge into a river and nearly blew up
the bridge. You'd think I would have at least had enough sense to step
off the bridge!

What I've learned since then is that many people don't respect the laws
of chemistry any more than I did back then. They mix volatile
ingredients without giving much thought to the explosion that could occur. In
particular, many married people don't understand that a chemical reaction
can occur with people other than their mates. Don't misunderstand me
here-I'm not just talking about sexual attraction. I'm referring to a
reaction of two hearts, the chemistry of two souls.

This is emotional adultery-an intimacy with the opposite sex outside
the marriage. Emotional adultery is unfaithfulness of the heart. When two
people begin talking of intimate struggles, doubts or feelings, they
may be sharing their souls in a way that God intended exclusively for the
marriage relationship. Emotional adultery is friendship with the
opposite sex that has progressed too far.

Often it begins as a casual relationship at work, school or even
church. A husband talks with a female co-worker over coffee and shares some
struggles he's facing with his wife or kids. She tells of similar
problems, and soon the emotions ricochet so rapidly that their hearts ignite
and can ultimately become fused together as one. To those who have
experienced it, this catalytic "bonding" seems too real to deny.

You can take some steps to practice discretion in these matters. That's
what I'll discuss in the next devotion.



Discuss: In what situations can Christians find themselves committing
emotional adultery?

Pray: That God will give you wisdom and discernment to know when you
might be risking a "chemical reaction."

FamilyLife

From the above link to Family Life, you can sign up for email devotionals/marriage tips. They have some really good ones - not all are about infidelity, most are just about having a happier marriage. I enjoy them very much!

This chemical reaction is sooooo strong, and very hard to break. That is what makes the affair an addiction, and what is a catalyst in the false recoveries. It is a hard feeling to leave behind, but it must be done for the WS to regain his or her honor.

In a way, this is still hard for me to read, and probes some places that are definitely still raw, but in a good way.

The desire is very strong, wishing I could go back to the beginning and do something before it was too late. (I'm sure it is the same for my dear husband.)

We are closer and more in love than ever before, but our lessons came at a high price, as it did all the rest of the recovered/recovering couples here.

(Love you, Dear. :X )

For the first time in.. .well, ever, I am wishing I could go back - way back - LONG before the A and do so many things differently. This chemical reaction thing - I wish I had understood this better, I wish I would have gone to my H and said, "baby we have a problem". I wish I oculd have been open with him... I just become such a different person around H. So much less myself.

fabulous!

<I just become such a different person around H. So much less myself. >

I think I know what you mean.

And what make this kind of chemical reaction so very, very dangerous and potentially explosive is that the emotional attraction and “soul chemistry” will eventually lead to physical attraction and sexual chemistry too if interactions carries on for too long…it’s inevitable...and can eventually lead to "sexual mental adultery" and/or PA. Just sad that most people only learn about the dangers of close opposite sex friendships and the potential explosive chemistry it can lead to until after they have been on this slippery slope and became involved in emotional adultery themselves… It was an extremely hard lesson for me to learn. My involvement with OM was the single, most eye-opening incident that ever happened to me. I have especially learned the following “truths” the hard way [I first posted it on this website long ago (in 2003) but will copy and paste it here again]:

[color:"blue"] The most important lessons I have learned and my perceptive now and prior to my EA:

1. Illusion (before my EA): There is nothing wrong with close opposite sex friendships, as long there is no physical involvement.

Fact (after EA has ended): Close opposite sex friendship is VERY DAMAGING and a potential thread for any marriage. Friendships like this (especially were there is a close emotional attachment en dependence) are the ‘silent enemy’ and ‘silent killer’ because on the eye it ‘seems’ so innocent.

2. Before EA: If you are happily married and most of your EN’s are being met by your S, no OP or opposite sex friend is a potential thread to the M.

After EA: A’s happen all the time, even in very happy marriages. A marriage can stray en be vulnerable to an affair also because of adverse reasons and circumstances other than problems/issues within the M. All people have some personal problems/issues and baggage they bring into the M. Everyone must be aware of their own weaknesses & vulnerabilities.

3. Before EA: A’s only happen to bad people who have low morals and no conscience. People who have affairs don’t have love or respect towards their spouses.

After EA: A’s can happen to ANYONE – even good, religious people with high morals and strong conscience can get involved in an A... In fact, sometimes the so-called ‘good’ people are more vulnerable to an affair than anyone else because they think they will never get tempted and are not aware of their own human weaknesses. The same is applicable on OP’s.

4. Before EA: If you truly love your spouse, there can never be a place in your heart for someone else. If you develop feelings for someone else, you don’t really love your spouse.

After EA: I believe it IS possible to truly love your S and at the same time have feelings for someone else. The theory of the love bank also explains this phenomenon very clearly. Like I have said earlier, A’s can also happen because of adverse reasons and circumstances other than problems/issues within the M.[/color]