Post deleted by eav1967

i deleted the posts and made them into one post-all connected to the first one

i'll wait to see if you respond

cowgirl are you still there?

is there something you don't feel comfortable posting and that why you tried private messaging?

SORRY I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HIM... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I WAS GOING TO CUT AND PASTE A CONVO HIM AND I HAD ONLINE RIGHT BEFOEW I POSTED FOR HELP! HE KNOWS ABOUT THIS SITE, AND IM AFRAID HE WILL USE ANYTHING HE CAN AGAINST ME, THATS WHY I DIDNT WANT TO DO IT IN OPEN FORUM.......

gotcha cowgirl

were you able to read my post above?

do you need me to delete it?

i can give you my yahoo e-mail if it will help.

however, if you can't post here it will limit assistance from others here who may offer help too.

many posters won't post to e-mails....some will

rarely will a person of the opposite sex

some ideas:

you can change your member name if that will help you

but if your H comes here and reads enough posts, i'm sure he will recognize things that are being said about him and know that it's your thread

you could post and then leave your posts long enough to allow others to read and post advice

however, other's post to you would remain unless you also asked them to delete them

again though this would limit your support because posters wouldn'tbe able to review your situation to know enough to give the best support to you

YEA I READ IT, AND NO YOU DONT HAVE TO DELETE IT. UMM, IT IS UP TO U ABOUT THE YAHOO THING...
IT IS A VERY HEATED AND SPECFIC CONVO AND I REALLY NEEDED HELP WITH IT, AND AM STILL AFRAID IF I POST IT IN THE OPEN THAT HE WILL FIND IT....

I HAVE YAHOO MESSENGER

okay

i signed up for messengers so long ago and only used it twice ever so i didn't know if i even knew how to get back on

it looks like i'm signed on

you can reach me at

CGU,

I'm here also if you need. My e-mail is: **edit**, then if you need, I can give you my phone #.

I have yahoo messenger also but too hard to use for this ol foggie. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

i've PM with her

she will be back here later today....since it's already Sat.

she is anxious about a decision she has to make but not at this moment

i think she's okay for now

Eav,

Thanks for the update. Glad you were there for her. Means a lot to a BS in distress. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Does she really have to make a decision this weekend?

L.

i think it's safe to say

her h agreed in front of the lawyers that he wouldn't bring OW around thier daughter untill after their agreement is signedand now the OW isn't happy about that and wants to be part of H and DD time together this weekend.

it seems the OW though is "willing" to let him go because she is tired of all of this fighting and doesn't want to come between him and his daughter or deal with his wife

she packed her things to leave but H talked her outof it

this is the OW 3rd A. she left to be with the OM each time and then went back to her H.

she met cowgirls H 2 months ago and has already filed for D and it is final

she wants him to do the same so he is

Orchid

i don't want to say anything else in case it is viewed by the wrong eyes and backfires but I know that you understand the LB and demands happening now and working and the chance of this A ending fast...really fast

she really would like some support in making her decision about agreeing to the uncontested D or not and plan A or B either way

i don't think she wants to share her thoughts about the choices in case her H comes here.

Not a problem. Thanks for summarizing.

We can still support her from here even though 'eyes' may be watching.

In the past we have even posted to those 'eyes'. It usually scares them off.

Let her CGU know we are here to help. She doesn't have to post all. Just enough to get her the help she needs.

I have seen many a BS get over this hump and it usually ends up with the mind and heart going in sync and the WS can't do a thing about it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

After that the BS can get quite assertive in their effort to move forward.

I want to say, this doesn't mean it's the end of the M, just a chapter closing.... a very exhausting chapter.

L.

Hi CGU,
Just read your thread and I am sorry that you are in this position. I hope that you can protect yourself and DD from the pain caused by WW A.

As far as protecting yourself, it seems like your WH is willing to give you all the marital assets in a D settlement in order to get it done quick. Do you think that he would be willing to give you primary or full custody of your DD too? This would allow you to protect her from the horrible example being set by these two (WH and OW).

It is my opinion that a child is best served by being raised in a safe, happy home with both of her parents. If this will not be possible though, I still think it is good that a daughter (or son) have the presence of her father in her life and it seems like you want that for your DD as well. I am guessing that you would not in any way exclude WH from daughter's life, that you just want to protect her. Given that you are acting in an honorable manner, do you think that your WH would respect that example and trust you with custody? That way he can get his quickie D and you can protect yourself and DD.

this is what her H is offerring, including the custody

except there are no marital assets according to cowgirl. none (i think she said HE has debts but i'm not sure if it's both of thiers)

the custody issue is really her main focus

however, a non-contested D will be finalized in [color:"blue"] 90 [/color] days from the time it is signed

she is weighing trying to buy more time by contesting against what he has offerred regarding custody if she agrees now

these things are being weighed....considering the love busting already going on, the dynamics of the OW and her previous A's and the speed at which it has led to D filings for both OW and cowgirls H

it seems though that her head and heart are telling her that D is not always the end and she has many thoughts to support her thinking that she may take the uncontested D route even if it only gives her 90 more days as his offical "wife" and she thinks plan A during that time will be her best hope

i don't think she wants to chance her H reading her thoughts about what might happen with them regarding whatever choices she makes

Worst case scenario is the WS or OW does read here.... ok, so what? Most WS' can't handle or process info and as we all know the OWs are stupid....clever but stupid.

That's all to her advantage. Right now she needs to go for all the financial assets and security she can.

If the OW is THAT valuable....the WS ought t/b willing to start with NOTHING....to go to the OW as the broken man he is.

I recall asking my then WS, what the monetary value of his family was in HIS eyes. Even through the fog he said we were priceless. I took those words and rammed it up his WS throat. He still chokes on it to this day remembering how he almost sold his family for less than 'our value'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I told him to go get the $$ so we c/b bought out. He had already lost his pants to the OW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I certainly wasn't about to lost the family 'value'....even if it was monetary. LOL!! So we negogiated....started at a round #....1 mil.... I know it sounds silly but I had to start somewhere and 1 mil would have been doable. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

By the end, I landed at a # 87K. Oddly enough that was the # OW had refied her house for as she was kicking her H out. LOL!!! That piece of info I got because I had done my homework..... via all legal methods.

WS knew OW didn't have the $$$. But I pursued....now I was pursuing and took away his abilty to threaten or bully me. With the I insisted he go get $$ from Mz. $$bagho. Crazy enough she wanted to give me about 7K to buy out the WS. Imagine that....from 1 mil to 7K. No deal....she was going to have to pay. See who was calling the shots now? WS felt like a rag doll in a tornado. Dorothy (aka: me) had the house and the wicked witch (aka: OW) was now under the house with only those red shoes sticking out.

So I got the bucket of COLD WATER (MB reality) and threw it on her (aka: she had no hold on me)......gave her 1 parting gift.... something no one who has $$ lying hidden in a homebased business wants..... those guys in the suit were flagged to go check out her reportings. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> There was reason to wonder...since she so flaggarantly claimed to have made sooo much $$..... I used her own words to make others wonder as well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My point is for CGU to get control back....don't let the WS and OP bully her. The most she stands to lose is a few bucks..... she will have her dignity and her family. The WS will have nada.

JMHO,
L.

orchid

there really is no money to consider according to CGU

her choices are:
1. what is offerred now-uncontested D in 60 days and full custody with child support.

it was suggested here that she ask to have a stipulation included about visition without the OW......this hasn't yet been discussed and from what happened yesterday....it sounds as thought this might not be something her H willingly agrees to

2. stall to give A time by contesting the D.....it would buy about 6 months

H will then request 50/50 custody.....but he only works a few hours a week and has no solid income so it's doubtful

her concerns are:

1. custody
2. if contesting to buy time would undo plan A and cause resentment
3. if uncontested and plan A is the best bet for what she wants


EDITED TO ADD

cowgirl
let me know if i need to delete or edit any of this info.

i'm thinking it is needed to get you answers to the specific questions that you have.

She is the mom. She needs to gather testimony of her supporters to build a case for her and against the WS. The WS has already done with by collaborating with the OW.

She could do a background check on the OW....so even if the OW finds out....so what??!?!? Nothing. All legal and above board.

Secure her finances and id her personal boundaries.

Her lawyer will give her the details which she doesn't need to post here so that part will be kept confidential.

As for personal support here as a BS, we can do that also.

I see nothing out of the ordinary in her case. My WS read here but he tired easily because I posted a lot. LOL!!! I didn't keep all on 1 thread and keeping up with the A is a demanding job for a WS. LOL!!!

CGU should make sure the WS pays his financial obligations. He works little, he still owes the same amount to whatever is required for child support, etc. Alimony will come later and there s/b no giving into his financial status. If he owes 1k, then he needs to figure out how to get that $$.

I recall my then WS telling me he couldn't pay and did I want him to resort to robbing a bank?!?!? Without blinking an I, my RB retort was: 'well....if that's what you need t/d but then you'd be in jail...then what?' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I threw it back in his face. I was NOT about to absorb his guilt.

See the need NOT to let the WS bully you?

So even if the WS reads this....so what? Same plan....same planet.

Hugz,
L.

her h agreed in front of the lawyers that he wouldn't bring OW around thier daughter untill after their agreement is signedand now the OW isn't happy about that and wants to be part of H and DD time together this weekend. YES!

it seems the OW though is "willing" to let him go because she is tired of all of this fighting and doesn't want to come between him and his daughter or deal with his wife. I THINK SHE WILL GET TIRED OF IT ALOT SOONER NOW THAT HE HAS OPENED COMMUNICATION BACK UP TO ME AROUND HER AS WELL.

she packed her things to leave but H talked her outof it

this is the OW 3rd A. she left to be with the OM each time and then went back to her H.
she met cowgirls H 2 months ago and has already filed for D and it is final
she wants him to do the same so he is
EXACTLY