You are expecting a WS to keep their word? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Isn't that setting you and your family up for disappointment?

L.

Cowgirl,
That not getting a call I can relate too. I use to wait by the phone and when he would call for the kids and not talk to me it would crush me.

Believe Orchid... there were nights that wre would talk and I thought there is my H... and Orchid would set me straight.

It does get easier with time. My WH is also free this weekend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> These weekends I find the hardest.

Still

orchid: You are expecting a WS to keep their word?
Isn't that setting you and your family up for disappointment

IM NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING FROM HIM, HE IS THE ONE THAT TOOK THE INTUITIVE TO START CALLING AND TELLING HER GN EVERY NIGHT SINCE HE LEFT HERE, AND OTHER THAN LIKE 3 TIMES HE HAS BEEN DOING THAT, AND SOMETIMES SHE WONT EVEN TALK TO HIM, BUT ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS AND SHE STILL WONT TELL HIM GN. HE TELLS HER HE LOVES AND MISSES HER AND SHE REPLIES I LOVE AND MISS YOU TOO, BUT SHE WONT TELL HIM GN WHEN HE SAYS GN TO HER. THE NIGHTS THAT HE DOESNT CALL SHE SEEMS TO SENSE IT AND SHE STAYS UP LATER, I GUESS HOPING HE IS GOIN TO CALL? AND THE NIGHTS THAT HE CALLS BUT SHE WONT TALK SHE SEEMS TO GO TO BED EASIER I GUESS JUST KNOWING THAT HE CALLED?

Still: That not getting a call I can relate too. I use to wait by the phone and when he would call for the kids and not talk to me it would crush me.
Believe Orchid... there were nights that wre would talk and I thought there is my H... and Orchid would set me straight.
It does get easier with time. My WH is also free this weekend These weekends I find the hardest.

I AGREE 100%, AND EVEN WHEN HE DONT TALK TO ME, IT STILL LETS ME KNOW HE IS AT LEAST THINKING OF OUR DAUGHTER WHEN HE CALLED. IT HURTS WHEN HE DOESNT TALK TO ME, BUT I CAN DEAL WITH IT, SHE DOESNT UNDERSTAND WHEN HE DONT CALL..... THE NIGHTS THAT WE TALK AND HE SEEMS LIKE HIMSELF, I FEEL GREAT AND ALTHOUGH THEY ARE COMING FARTHER APART VS WHEN IT ALL STARTED, IT HELPS A LIL BECAUSE I KNOW HE IS ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT MORE THAN HE CALLS..... THE OTHER NIGHTS I JUST KINDA LET STUFF IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER, CAUSE I KNOW SHE IS PROLLY RIGHT THERE WITH HIM, I WONT GET VERY MANY OF THOSE CALLS THIS WEEK CAUSE SHE WILL BE AT HIS JOB WHEN HE CALLS, SHE MAKES A HABIT OF BEING THERE EVERY DAY THE WEEKS SHE DONT HAVE HER KIDS.

SHOULD HAVE A RESPONSE FROM HIS LAWYER TO MINE BY THE END OF THE WEEK. I GUESS I CAN GO FROM THERE.... WE ARE/WERE SUPOPSED TO MEET SOMEWHERE SO HE COULD SEE DD TODAY, BUT WITH HIM NOT CALLING LAST NIGHT, I DONT REALLY LOOK FOR HIM TO CALL TODAY TO ASK IF WE CAN STILL DO THAT...
ONE PART OF ME SAYS TO AVOID HIS CALLS TODAY, TO SHOW HIM THAT WE ARE GOING ON WITH OUR LIVES AND CANT BE AT HIS BECKON CALL, AND ANOTHER SAYS WHO KOWS HOW LONG IT WILL BE BEFORE HE ASKS TO SEE HER AGAIN, SO I NEED TO DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO LET HER SEE HIM........
ANY SUGGSTIONS? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

CG,

Still is correct.... she has been there and dealing with that.

So you know these dark times will come. What you can do is be prepared. It w/b hard at first. Expect it.

In time, it will get less and when it does, the WS in him will wonder why he can't make you as miserable and then you will start to feel better.

The trick is to be ok with and to help the WS in him be misterable. Your happiness and wishing him t/b happy makes the WS misterable. WS' are not meant t/b happy. Have you noticed? Hm... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Now use that as a tool to help you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Still is correct.... she has been there and dealing with that. So you know these dark times will come. What you can do is be prepared. It w/b hard at first. Expect it.
In time, it will get less and when it does, the WS in him will wonder why he can't make you as miserable and then you will start to feel better.
The trick is to be ok with and to help the WS in him be misterable. Your happiness and wishing him t/b happy makes the WS misterable. WS' are not meant t/b happy. Have you noticed? Hm...
Now use that as a tool to help you.


OH YES, I TOTALLY AGREE.......... THE MORE I SEEM HAPPY TO HIM THE MORE IT MAKES HIM GO HMMMMMM NOW WHY ISNT SHE SAYING OR DOING THIS...... AND I THINK HE IS SORTA THINKING, WHY AM I NOT THERE BEING HAPPY WITH HER, WHY AM I HERE WHERE ALL I SEEM TO BE DOING IS GETTING DRUNK AND ARGUING WITH OW????

HE CALLED AT 645 TONIGHT AND TALKED TO DD FOR ABOUT 3 MIN, AND SHE HUNG UP ON HIM, LAST I HAVE HEARD FROM HIM, HE DIDNT EVEN MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT NOT MEETING ME TODAY.......

THATS BOUT IT FOR TONIGHT, IM HEADING TO BED... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

called at 745 tonight to talk to DD, she talked for maybe 3 minutes and got off the phone.. she handed it to me and we talked for bout 5 min and got off the phone. he told me my lawyer should have the paperwork by the end of the week and that was about it. i asked him if DD wanted to call him back if that was ok, and he said yes, if I dont answer then tell her to ask for me...

still foggy, but seems the fog is lifting on some parts and not others........

no update for tonight, he called and talked to DD, and me and him talked for a few min then got off the phone. asked about tires on the truck and his misunderstanding what DD said... he told me if i needed to and the tires on one truck fit the truck that needed tires to have them changed over. and that was the end of the convo.....

any new ideas on how to "bring him out" or just be friendly and try to let him see what he is missing???

No friendly talking with a WS. He starts R talk or D talk, you change the subject.

L.

he called and DD actually talked to him tonight, she asked him when he was coming home and why he wasnt here, things of that nature.... i dont know what his replies were, and i know that she enjoyed the convo.............

we havent had R or D talks since last week, he is living in his own lil world. one that DOES NOT include me and DD, even though he calls her and tells her he loves and misses her, i can see that he is kinda detaching himself from her.. he used to call 3-4 times a night and now he calls 1 time a night and its not a very long convo.. THAT BOTHERS ME! she deserves to have her DADDY in her live, and i know it has a LOT to do with OW and her wanting to be with WH while he visits with DD..........

thats bout it for tonight....

he called tonight and she talked to him for a lil bit then she gave me the phone and he was asking if we are going out of town tomorrow and i told him i wasnt sure yet.... his lawyer has still not got the papers straight so he has to go back tomorrow and get it fixed and he is bringing them to my lawyer, so we dont have to wait for the USMAIL.....

wonder why he is in such a hurry in the last week????

ok, i havent updated cause i have been out of town...
3/9 was the day he was supposed to go to his lawyer to get the papers signed and bring them to my lawyer this morning. he says he went but they were not ready was told they would be ready by that afternoon or this morning. NO GN call that night.
3/10 called and talked to DD and that was it
3/11 no call at all
3/12 called and talked to me for bout 30 min, i asked bout the paperwork, and thats when he told me that they werent ready, they are supposed to call tomorrow, if not he is going to call them wednesday morn, last week he was in SUCH a hurry to get the papers signed, and tonight its like he is stalling, he told me that there is no rush.......... called back after DD got out of tub and talked to her.

is stalling a normal thing? should i look at it as he is rethinking things OR should i just think that he is enjoying his time without having DD there and is very much NOT looking forward to the paperwork getting signed cause he will have to start paying me child support and such

any ideas on any of this???

WS' will always do the opposite of what you say. So tell him to hurry up will make him stall. Tell him to stall and he will hurry up.

Doesn't make sense but that's their M.O.

L.

well ill have to try that reverse phyc on him......

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

sorry i havent been around much.. he has called every night this week to talk to DD, but is seemingly pulling away, even when she talks to him, he is always tring to get off the phone with her........

i have felt really DOWN and BLAH this week........ his lawyer finally contacted mine and everything but alimony was agreed to, and i rebutted(isnt that what you call it?) with since there will be NO alimony, then CS goes back to his date of filing. 1 feb.......

still stally type behavior, and i have tried to push him to HURRY up.....

thanks again for you alls supprt.....

no update, he was mad as he// about the retroacting the CS. he and i both are going to think bout it over the weekend and get back to each other on monday about it....

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............

im very angry!!!!!!! HE IS SUCH AN A$$!!!!

MAD!??!?!?! He s/b happy it isn't for more!

Dumb WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

L.

ok, im finished with his nonsense and his lying and schemeing and all that, i prolly wouldnt be ready for plan b or plan d BUT his lying is starting to effect our DD more and more, and at the time i thought i was doing better, but the BOMB dropped tonight, i talked to the OW, she is prego, and he is lying to her and me at the same time, he is still telling me everything was a mistake and if he could change it he would, and telling OW i am harassing him at work....... and DD witnessed tonight the turmoil i have been feeling for the entire time.... she had a breakdown so to speak and overheard the reason why he hasnt been here to see her, and she lost control, screamed, cried, said she hated him, ETC. and i DO NOT want her to suffer HIS mishaps anymore, she heard him saying the reason why he wasnt coming to see her........

need advice on a plan b letter that basically says after D that i would be willing to start all over and try to work things out, BUT until then, i dont want ANY contact with him or OW.........

CG,

Could the OW be pregnant from her H? Or are they seperated?

I am so sorry you are going through this right now. The pain stinks especially when it affects our kids. Unfortunately our WH don't want to see it.

I have some versions of plan B letters on my thread... with some helpful hints. I'm in the process of Ding. If you would like I'd share my letter with you. I haven't posted my final version because I know it's to long but I'm hoping my H reads it not Wh.

Also at the beginning of LilSis thread has her plan B letter. Hope this helps.

(((CG)))

Still