Good Morning,

I haven't been here in a few years. My WS had an A 5 years ago that lasted a year. I did everything right and it ended and we worked on our marriage for a year. A year later I found out that I had caught something from his affair and I got sick. This put a real strain on our marriage.

My WH fell into a deep depression. In December he ended up in a hospital for 8 weeks with this depression. He got out last Tuesday. He immediatly bought himself a cell phone and set up email. These were both strange for him. There were funny texts coming in on the cell phone. I didn't look at them. Friday morning, I decided to have a look at his email. Oh boy what an eyeful I got. There are two women he is involved with from the hospital. One is definitely an affair, the other I can't tell yet. I have confronted him. I have asked for no contact. He has agreed to no contact with the one who is definitely an affair. He is still contacting the other.

I know he is sick. We have two sons, one is also mentally ill. They are my step sons (their mother lost custody because she is mentally ill and has addiction problems).

I don't think I am strong enough to do this again. I feel like I have been hit by a truck. I am doing Plan A. He has sent the no contact letter. I don't think he will stop with the EA's.

I feel so worthless and ugly.

Cleo

I am so sorry you are here with such a sad story. In particular since you have experienced this before.

Now there are two facts that you should to cling to:


I) This is not about you. You are NOT worthless! This is about your H and his inability to protect the M and his boundaries.

II) It is far to early to make any disissions now. Now, just be kind to yourself. Sleep well. Listen to your needs. and buy time. Do plan A if you can.


While it is not an excuse: Remember your H is not himself at the moment. He was in hospital with depression. He was very vulnerable when this happened. Still he should have protected his boundaries.


Start with the MB home page and read all the links you find there to catch up and remind yourself on plan A etc. Buy time and do plan A at least for a month until you get your feet under you again.
I would carefully consider exposing his betrayal to people that is important to him. But do not discus this with him in advance. Just do it if it comes to that. And do it all at once, not piecimal. Exposure is the strongest tool for injecting reality into the mind of a WS. There will always be anger and furry!. Always. But it is worth it.


Read up other threads on exposure. Particularly threads in the General questions II forum.


A change since you were here last time is that most people now have concentrated in that forum for whatever reason. So the posting is slower in the other forums.