Hi,

I'm currently in plan A (although WS claims the A is now over so I may not technically be in plan A) & just wondered if anybody had any ideas about what I should do for Valentine's Day.

Should I do what I always did (pretty much nothing), or maybe something understated yet poignant ?? I do know that anything grandiose is probably a bad idea.

Any ideas anyone ??

Great question AM

My wife wants nothing from me, so I’ll show her, that I’ll express my her care and affection for her, by saying that I wish she would allow me to do something pleasant for her and by asking for a suggestion from her in that line. Maybe I’ll try to bring humour to it. I’ll see. Your wife is in deep withdrawal or emotional divorce. Plan A takes time but you could be surprised at how effective it can be. Mine has filed, is living with OM and wants me to move on.

A letter expressing care (not out right love) may be pleasant for her. A tiny, well chosen bouquet may be acceptable. If you know her taste in chocolates.

Any one else have ideas?

ok, i read all of your posts. i am by no means an expert, but i am a woman, so...here's my two cents.
you DEFINTELY need to do something for Valentines!!! something like a nice card on the breakfast table when she wakes up - if she would appreciate a humorous card, that might be the route to go.
if you can, ask her to meet you for lunch - or dinner, if that is possible as far as finding a babysitter. you should take her to one of her favorite restaurants (especially if it's one you don't particularly care for)
also, i think you should get her a gift of some sort - whether it be flowers, a gift certificate for a massage, just something you know she would like.

i would be willing to bet she's hoping you do something and will be dissapointed if you do "pretty much nothing" like you usually do.

good luck and let us know what you decide and how it goes.

FO

AM,

If you don't know whether or not you are in Plan A then your most likely still are. Just assume so anyway. If you are in Plan A then you would do something nice for your WW. If she had never had an A, you would do something nice for your W. If you are in recovery, you would do something nice for your FWW. So regardless of what prefix your wife is actually carrying, the W part still gets something nice. The only one who doesn't get anything nice is the STBXW and you don't think she is one of those.

IMO you don't want to go way over the top but you do want to do something thoughtful to show that you were truly thinking about her. Don't try to force the day into a romantic occasion. If she wants to take it that direction, let her do the leading. You just provide the opportunity. Let her decides whether or not she wants it.

I would keep my expectations for the day low. Just try to enjoy whatever happens rather than get disappointed which usually leads to anger and resentment.

Update: Well I ordered her some flowers (not roses, no hearts, etc) on Tuesday for delivery to her work on V-Day. I then spent the rest of Tuesday & Wednesday morning kacking my pants: this had huge potential for going bad.

Anyway, the end result was better than I could have hoped for; she loved them. We shared an evening filled with much tenderness, care & affection; no romance, but it was delightful just to be & feel close to her.

DLK, FO & Hiroo - I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Em