Here is the latest in the dating scene. I was dating a lady for a while. Took her out a few times and paid. The last time we met after work for a casual dinner. I had a discount coupon for the restaurant and used it to cover the price of one of the Entrees. A few days later she told me she was very insulted that I would use such a coupon on a date. It implied she was not worth the full value of the meal. She said I should save it for when I went out with my buddies.

I think I dodged a bullet. A very expensive silver, or gold, or platinum bullet.

Yup.

On the other side of the coin, I once dated a man for a few months who would only take me to his favorite restaurant or to a place for which he had a coupon. If I wanted to go somewhere and there was no coupon, we didn't go.

I'd be interested to know how many women pay when out on a date. Not just offer, but actually pull out cash & put it on the table.

I do & some men are insistent about me not paying while others are happy to share the cost, some will say to just leave a tip.

Cinders, I wonder if your guy would have been receptive to going elsewhere if it was clearly your treat.

auto - had your lady friend ever paid?

Auto, your date sounds like a wacko. Or someone with expectation that are obviously wildly different from yours. In either case, better that you found out now than later, eh?

AGG

Way to dodge! She would have had a point if it had been the first date. Or the second or third, but NOT after a while. Yesh.

I guess she didn't realize you paid for hers and got yours free.

On a first date I would say this would be a no no but if you've gone out with her a couple of times, why not?

My husband and I try to one up each other on finding discount coupons for eating out! We get a kick out of it!

I gotta be honest here. I think that would be kind of a turn-off for me too.

Why? Is it as much of a turn-off as using a "frequent flyer mile" credit card? Or as using a "senior discount", if appropriate? What harm is there in using a coupon if there was no compromise in service, food quality, or anything else?

The only logical explanation I see here is if someone is judging Auto by the size of his wallet, in which case I concur that he obviously dodged a major bullet here.

AGG

If you used the coupon for you but expected her to pay her share: no good.

If you only go to places where you have a coupon: no good.

If you used the coupon on the first date: no good.

If you used the coupon after a few dates and still payed for her and you have been paying for her and vary where you go?? You found out some good information!

Isn't that what dating is about? Finding out if you're compatible?

Not for me - unless it was the first date. After that I think it's OK. I guess I'm just becoming wayyy too practical in my older age, I work too hard for my $$ and if I can save a few of those $$ - that's all good. Also, since my BF and I really do take turns paying for meals, the coupon thing wouldn't bother me a bit.

When I was dating I insisted on paying my share or taking my turn at picking up the tab. I didn't want to feel obligated to a man just because he was paying my way. I only ever had two men insist on paying when I pulled out my wallet and only one of them told me that it made him uncomfortable to have me pay. Then again, most of the men I dated were divorced dads with mortgages and a single income, so I can imagine that they had about as much "fun money" as I did.

Mrs. W8ing

How rude and tacky. Where are your manners? No wonder she dumped you.

I would have expected my date to ask first. Something like, "Hey, I've got a coupon for a buy one-get one free dinner. Would you like to join me?"

Amen! I think you dodged the silver bullet there (maybe even a GOLDEN bullet!).

Back in my dating days, I specifically decided that I was not going to date a man "just to get a free meal out to eat." Soooo...I only went out to eat with someone whom I thought had some level of potential/interest. Then, I offered to either pay my own way, pay every other time, or I bought dessert and tip, he bought dinner.

FURTHERMORE, if I saw someone who had a Gold-C book for example...who used it...I would consider that to be a man who uses his money wisely and discerningly, but who did use it to have some fun! Yeah--after the 2nd date or so, I'd be more interested in a man if he pulled out a coupon...not less.

So count your blessings! You dodged a high maintenance woman!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Ah, the beauty of divergent points of view <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

The simple fact is that there was nothing rude in Auto's actions; it was up to his date to perceive it any way she wanted to. She chose to perceive it as an insult, fine. It's only her choice to perceive it as such - others would perceive the same actions as those of a man who is fiscally responsible. To each their own.

Auto was lucky to weed out her expectations that obviously did not match his; that is why we date!

If I had a dollar for every time someone had expectations that they expected everyone else to share, well, I wouldn't be sitting in the office right now.

AGG

It is certainly not a "simple fact". Rather it is YOUR point of view. It is no more "fact" than is my view and certainly not a "simple" one.

My husband would have asked if I wanted to use the coupon and we've been married for thirty years. That is just plain courtesy in my book.

The same here...

If the other person is paying the bill, then I don't think it is any of my business how they are paying for it. Just be sure to leave at least a 15% tip based on what it would have cost WITHOUT the coupon.

From some of the responses, it looks like a coupon would be a good way to weed out dates. Count yourself lucky.

Of course his actions were a simple fact. He did what he did - fact. End of story.

You can perceive them any way you want, and so can I. But his actions have no inherent "rude" or "wonderful" characteristics - it is up to others to assign a value judgment to his actions. To say that they were rude, and that she was right to dump him based on that, is your judgment, but it is not a fact.

It amuses me to see people who expect everyone to have the same values and expectations as they do, and refer to outliers as "rude". That is very narrow minded, IMO. Just because you and your husband have a certain preference, does not make everyone with a different preference "rude". What may be "common courtesy" in your book may be totally silly in someone else's.

AGG

This IS 'a good way to weed out dates' (count yourself lucky, or not <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />), and 'what may be "common courtesy" in someone's book may be totally silly in someone else's.' - both very true, I so agree.
And, it happens to all of us to use the word 'rude'... therefore potencial 'feedbacks' would be the same for all of us as well...
(And lady from this story 'proved' it... right or not, depending on individual's value and expectations when 'judging'...)

I was driving home from work after reading&posting here, and was thinking about this...
Why this would be a turn off for me (not necessarily break up though...)

I have been totally financially independent (regarding 'men in my life'), i.e. I have never had a man (including my XH) who paid any bill of mine, travels, clothing... except when we were going out (when dating)... nor I will ever be looking for THAT kind of "provider"... But I'm looking for a KIND OF 'provider'... (I really don't know to explain this (in English, that is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)... not a financial provider, but a 'male provider' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />), to know when to treat me the way I need, especially when dating (once married is different story, I've always shared money, my XH earned less than me, money itself means nothing to me, but - feelings...)
For me this is not giving money in vain... actually it's not giving money at all; for me this is treating me the way a woman (me) needs to be treated... Like... no sorry to pay a full bill in a restaurant. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
(Anyone got it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

Also...
I am not a rich woman, yet I cannot stand 'cheap things' around me.
I would rather have one good (and good is most of times expensive) thing, then hundreds cheap ones around me. The same with 'the second hand' things...
I would rather go once per year in a nice restaurant, than every night with those coupons somewhere else.
I don't have enough money (when is enough?), yet I never myself collect those coupons...
Well, I am not type who likes to go out very often anyway, I love to cook and enjoy much more a healthy meal from my kitchen, yet, sometimes I like to have a supper in an ellegant restaurant, to be treated...

My first tought would be - someone is tacky.
The second thought would be - someone is selfish (wierd, isn't it?!).
See, I would not relate THAT to 'practical side' of a man I go out with (and for me - this is not time nor place to show that side), nor that 'naaah, he doesn't have money'...
Rather, that someone put on scale everything... calculating... and when giving, not giving 'from heart'...

Well, I have no illusion (most of) you will get what I mean, yet I had to add this 'clarification'... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Maybe if I say this??

E.g. you are invited to a home made supper at her/his place, you are happy to spend some relaxing time, then she/he serves that supper and speaks of prices of ingredients a la 'oh, my, this salad you eat is THREE bucks, and I don't even want to think how much I paid for these shrimps!! I would pay just half of it if I made dinner just for myself!!! Thanks God I had these coupons, so at the end I did paid just as I would if it was just for myself! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />)

Got a better picture now? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wouldn't it be 'the thrill is gone'...?