My reaction to that comment would be...."what on Earth makes you think I would go away on a romantic vacation w/ you?"

didn't sound to me like they were anywhere near the point of spending a vacation (and a room) together.

maybe it was all about money and what she could get out of him....and maybe she would have jumped at a free trip w/ a guy she really isn't into.....i guess we'll never know.
but i know how i reacted to the coupon thing and i just don't think the girl would be interested in spending a romantic vacation w/ this guy.

nia,

I realize that my point flew high over head. . .
the point is that if she was being truthful, then she should rethink her pettiness as she may never know what it might cost her ..

If she was being petty to avoid the truth, then again, she lost out by not being honest. . . and no one will ever know her real reason was, as it could have been a misunderstanding.

Another point is thst some people may want to protect them selves from gold diggers, and to appear to be fiscally conservative would not be attractive to gold diggers. reality is all in the perception, and its always best to keep one's mouth quiet, but honest, than to shoot it off and prove your membership to the idiot's club.

wiftty

Well, if men are going to avoid gold diggers by using coupons, maybe I should avoid men who are only into my looks by wearing the most unattractive clothes possible on a date.

yes, your points fly high over head......and continue to......you make little sense to me....especially w/ your last comment....where is the honesty in that??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

QUOTE:

yes, your points fly high over head......and continue to......you make little sense to me....especially w/ your last comment....where is the honesty in that???

Yikes.


I think it's tacky to judge someone, I think it also show's a lack of social grace. Maybe others would percieve that as unattractive. Inner grace is a beautiful thing.

My boyfriend of 18 months has 2 wonderful children, and naurally pays child support. I am also a single parent. There are times when coupon's come in handy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Had I judged him for sometimes wanting to spend responsibly early on in our relationship I wuold have missed out on a wonderful relationship. I would have missed out on a loyal, sensitive, warm, intellligent, truly giving person.

JMHO of course.


I think it's tackier to point out ones "flaws" and

i don't think i understand what you are saying either, bluerskies.
Do you feel as though i am judging WIFTY because i don't understand his point?
i wasn't judging him for that....if anything i was judging myself for not understanding his suggesting to lie about weeding out a gold digger...it just went over my head, i guess...like he said in his other post.

and as far as cuupons and your situation.......from what you wrote, it sounds quite different than what auto wrote....or how I understood the situation.

many people have said they would not have found the use of the coupon offensive or tacky...even on a first date. a few of us FELT otherwise.

GG,

reality is all in the perception. . .

wiftty

no nia, I don't thinking you're judging wifty at all. I felt that maybe the coupon user might have being unfairly judged.

Wiftty, A rose is a rose is a rose.

now i get it.
auto may have been unfairly judged or the girl just was looking for some reason to end it with him. I doubt it was JUST because of the coupon.

GG, are you sure?

or are there make up roses? valentine's perfunctory roses? random surprise roses? wedding roses? funeral roses? or roses that need weeding?

wiftty

Well, I seem to have stirred up a bit of a firestorm. Or at least a few sparks from the log. HaHa!

I think that the rules of dating are messy, since people differ so much. A few weeks ago, I was critisized by a lady because I did not call to 'confirm' the date 24 hours ahead of time. Anybody ever hear of that rule?? Not me.

I think I am to nice and that attracts the wackos who figure I will put up with nonsense that would send other, more sensible men, running.

auto,

there are no rules to dating, there are only individual expectations, and you have to find someone that has similar ones to yours. .

but there are no rules. . .

you can ask someone to do something, coffee, dinner, movie, theatre, symphony, ball game, etc. . . and you won't get the same response from the first 20 people. . . heck, just ask, and don't have any expectations. . just have wonderment about what will come out of their mouths. . .

about the criticisms, just remember, the pool quality is very low, only a very few keepers, mostly those on this board here. . .

wiftty

i found that with my GF, if we do a weekend together, i usually pick the location, and we trade off in selecting the activities. . . If we have done my stuff, i urge her to decide what she wants to do. . .

the last time i did that was in Rapid City, SD, and she selected a volksmarch up to the top of Crazy Horse, it was a great time, but a long walk up, but well worth the trip. . one of my requests, was snorkling off the florida keys. . . first time for her, but alot of fun, i was exhausted that night.. . even got a picture of a barracuda swimming by

never turn down an opportunity to explore who people are, and what interests them. . . you never know what you might find

wiftty

next time its disney, if i can get her away from work and kids. . . that will be fun. . .

Wiftty, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> There may be different types of roses but, as Miss Stein put it so... concisely, they're still roses! It just seemed the quickest counter to "Perception is reality."

Is calling 24 hours ahead of the date a rule?

No, but it can be seen as respectful, especially if she doesn't have any way of contacting you or if you haven't spoken to her since you asked her out, she may have had experience with men making plans with her and then not showing..

But it is also respectful to confirm things haven't changed, such as No emergencies have come up (for either one of you), and to firm up the plans, like discussing where you will be going, what you will be doing and so forth...and it also allows her time to decide if she wants to wear a dress or jeans..

It also lets her know you are thinking about her, and are looking forward to your time with her.

"It amuses me to see people who expect everyone to have the same values and expectations as they do, and refer to outliers as "rude". That is very narrow minded, IMO. Just because you and your husband have a certain preference, does not make everyone with a different preference "rude". What may be "common courtesy" in your book may be totally silly in someone else's."

Sometimes these debates get old. Just stop and think about Dr. Harley's guidelines on the matter -- POJA!!! AND if a person is not willing to follow it BEFORE marriage then what on earth would make a person think they would be willing after marriage. Dr. Harley says ASK!! READ UP!!
Chapter 8 in LOVE BUSTERS in "Independent Behavior: Who Wants to Live with and Inconsiderate Jerk?".

A lot of hard feelings can be avoided because no two people feel the same way about everything in life. Who wants to be on the receiving end of the bad feelings?? Nine times out of ten, if a person's feelings are taken into account, an action that would have bothered them w/o being asked will not bother them -- simply because they were asked.
THEIR FEELINGS WERE CONSIDERED! THAT'S ALL IT TAKES MOST OF THE TIME!! It does NOT mean a person is high maintenence simply because they want their feelings considered. (male or female) Chances are if it had all been discussed BEFORE even deciding to go there (ie: POJA, no independant behavior) there wouldn't have been any problem at all. Don't go judging a person for their feelings, there was nothing wrong with them. The only thing that needed to be different is the way she handled her end of it. She should have left it with the fact that she "felt" hurt by it and then let the other person decide what he would do with the situation. If he couldn't be understanding that she had feelings just like him then he had no business being in a relationship in the first place. Either that or he needed to learn how, because there is no person on the face of this planet that doesn't get hurt from time to time and BOTH parties need to be understanding of that. If a person is not big enough to say "I'm sorry you were hurt" then they need to do some growing up - regardless of gender.

I wish every person who gets on here would read Dr. Harley's material and see where it lines up when one of these arguments gets started!

I would have dumped you also. If she was married to you it would have been different. I am not a spoiled woman and it takes the simplest thing to make me happy but if a man that I was dating took out a coupon to pay for dinner "not groceries" Dinner I would run away quick. It shows that you are cheap. You should have saved it for when you went out by yourself or the guys. If she was as bad as you now think she was you would not have dated her for a while. Your loss not hers.

Me thinks that was a bit bitter and personal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />