My H and I have been separated for 2 months. He told me in Aug he wanted a divorce-I found out in Oct he was having A. I heard all the usual things-he never loved me, he settled when he married me, he loves me as a friend...

We work at the same company-when he comes in the office he is very "friendly" to me- asks me how my day is going, what I did for lunch, how my weekend was... I dont want to be his friend at this point.

He has done NOTHING to initiate a divorce-although I have asked him several times if he is sure this is what he wants and he says yes he is sure-he says he has changed and we are not going in the "same direction". He tells me he does not regret anything he has done.

We have a son who is 11 yo.-he has picked him up every Sat since he moved out and spent the day with him.

I dont understand why he doesnt have the ba**s to initiate the D if thats what he wants so badly. Sometimes I wonder if its because being married isnt really stopping him from living the lifestyle he wants to live at this point. He has been helping me financially-at least so far but every 2 weeks when we get paid I have to ask him for money to cover the bills. I spoke to an atty and she said if I filed a D motion it would force him to responsible for the bills.

It is so confusing to me.

Have you posted in GQII? They may be able to help you over there. But I will put in my 2 cents...


I hope you know that this is "textbook" fog talk. He is in a fantasy world right now and in this little world he rewrites your marraige to justify what he is doing.


Set your boundaries and if you don't want to see him, tell him so. My X also wanted to be my "friend" - it drove me nuts.



He spends one day a week with him? Wow, what a good Dad! Says a lot about a man that spends one day a week with his son. Grrrr....

Of course it is confusing my dear. He is an alien now, totally on another planet in his own little world.

Hang in there... There are lots of people here that will help you no matter the outcome.

Oh and by the way, you DO NOT deserve what he has done to you.

Yes I've posted in GQ-I am here now because it feels like divorce is inevitable at this point.

He is not the man I married or loved.

Yes he spends 1 day a week with our son-he occassionally picks our son up from school but just drives him home and drops him off.

The confusing part for me is that he says he wants D but doesnt file-is that still considered cake eating?

Will I know beyond a doubt when I should file myself?

It will feel right when the time comes as far as filing yourself goes....

He may have many reasons why he hasn't filed.

Money, splitting eveything up, doesn't want to fully committ to his current A partner, He may think that once he is D - she will want to get M to him. Wants to control you in many ways, financially, emotionally, etc. Doesnt' have the money for an attorney, doesn't want to pay full child support, isn't ready because his current A partner isn't all that he thought she was. Doesn't want to do the dirty work of filing for D.

There are many reasons to choose from, mine hasn't filed yet either, and he basically lives with the currrent OW. And the first d-day was close to 4 years ago. I won't file and yes, I know in my heart he has fully moved on, but, why should I again, clean up the mess he made?????

HUGS