Dear All,

I'm raw since this only happened two days ago and it's like time has stopped.

1. Get a call from unknown person this Sunday, saying something has been going on at my wife's workplace between her and another man and "haven't you realised she has been late returning home?" and then puts phone down.

2.She often says when clocking off that she is talking with friends and catching up with others and coming home on average 45 minutes late from finishing , when the time it takes is 10 mins in traveling to home.

3. Anyway I follow her with my kid brother driving and she leaves work and is immediately receiving a call and gets in to her car and starts driving going round and round a roundabout (i'm thinking now she knows we are on her tail) and going past a bus stop and taking a sharp left into a closed sunday night (20:10) isolated from view supermarket car park with no other cars apart from truckers asleep and no view from the main road of fellow colleagues leaving work also.

4. She pulls up and turns of the lights ,and in a few minutes a 'guy' (skinny weasel) appears looking around possibly for a car and goes straight to her car and before entering looks left and right and they drive off.

5. Angry more than me (i'm shell -shocked), my brother revs up and intercepts the car.

6. My wife get's out obviously startled and so does the weasel, with my brother appearing threatening he understandably runs like lightning and I get into all mighty row with my wife with her claming there is nothing going on and attempts to call the weasel a half a dozen times to prove her point.

7. He eventually returns with a burly friend for backup, which fires me up and before the weasel I immediately confront the large chap, who realizes my anger immediately shows signs and words of "coming in peace".

8. Weasel claims he lives in another suburb (when I found beforehand he lives nearby) and needed a lift, and claims he came to shop (everyone knows in the UK supermarkets close at 16:00 on a Sunday) . When the wife is confronted she states she gives a lift to nearby bus stop which is barely a 5 minute walk away and DOES NOT KNOW where he precisely lives.

9. I get hold of a another senior work colleague and their manager via the moible and ask if they have seen anything, pleading i'm her husband with a gorgeous 3 year child to look after. They both calmly state it is well known they get on, and the weasel is a known chancer, but both in sincere honest opinions believe it is nothing more than that ( however they stress they did not know about the lifts she gave and amount of phone call between them).

10. Weasel asks for me to got o their workplace physically and ask anyone else

11. Her last two months mobile phone bills has one consistent number, even above my mobile number and she claimed over a month ago it was a "fellow female worker" and when I ring it turns out it is the weasels. The wife claims she didn't tell me for I'll get angry (We both made a promise only a few months back , partly insitgated by her that we will knows the limts of meeting up with fellow workers of the opposite sex.)

12. Next day I speak to him again and he tells me he panicked and in fear for his life lied (so why did my wife back him up?) and he lives nearby and stresses he they are only "friends" and just talk and gives me details of his fiance , who also happens to work in the same place and knows about their plain friendship.

13. Spent the entire night and next day pushing the wife for how long the affair has been going on and she consistently denies it is nothing more than friendship but eventually admits,"The circumstances could lead an average Joe to think otherwise but never an affair or naything like it"

14. Another fellow worker is spoken to and she claims also "in my opinion nothing is going on"

15. I'm stressed and ask my wife to leave, and she replies she will do whatever I ask BUT not leave for " Only love you and no one else" and the weasel is someone she got on with and nothing more and willing to quit her work place to prove the point.

16. Despite the repeated bombardment of questions she still stresses nothing was going on, though they always had about a 25 minute window to do something?

17. Wife has agreed to any form testing of any sort to prove her point that it was nothing physical ever from a lie detector to hypnosis and remember she has agreed to find another workplace ....

18. May be we intercepted too early with hindsight and why did the mysterious call prove truish ? and also those pictures in my head are driving me crazy but did she or she didn't she in "my IMHO" please ?

She did. At the very least she is having an EA. It isn't done yet and you will be strung along unless you are ready to take the bull by the horns and smash this A to smithereens.

How? Get a plan. Do a complete background check on Weasel. Demand the WS prove she isn't a WS anymore. Let her figure out how t/d that. Expect her to whine and threaten you. Then blame you for everything related to the A.

Read up on plan A, implement plan A for you and work on plan B, for you.

Get the rest of your support group in order and expose so your posse can be on the lookout for a weasel.

Expect weasel to sneak in again. Do not lower yourself to his standards. He is a stinky skeleton of a man...... not worth the time of day.

Instead get a good MC. If you are in the UK. Look up another poster by the name of Bob Pure. He is in the UK and may be able to provide closer support.

Bob is a FBS (former betrayed spouse). He and his W are recovering well.

Get ahold of Surviving an Affair, His needs/Her needs (both by Harley) and Love must be Tough (Dobson). All 3 were helpful to me through and after the A.

Pray for a clear mind and calm heart. Secure your finances (WS' are quite a selfish bunch - willing to give away the family fortune to any OP). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Keep reading and posting.

take care,
L.

I second Orchid's post.

Call her bluff..Get the lie detector test.

Make sure to ask questions not just of a physical nature, but the emotional also.

Not yet.....for now he needs to strengthen his stance. Work on your plan A. Make it your personal recovery plan.

The lie detector will show up on it's own. WS' can't hide their lies....it just oozes out of them. You will find enough proof....soon.

Be patient....move forward. Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience.

The WS will not like you to be in control of yourself. The WS may try to break your will. Know this and be prepared.

take care,
L.