I posted here earlier and told the story of how my boyfriend of 10 years has ran off and is having an affair with a woman who is married with two small children.

I received good advices on what to do and I have started my plan A. I have realized that most important is that I am happy and live well. It is important for me and I think that it is the only way to recover our relationship.

I have started some new activities, for example I am going to work in a voluntary organisation, I started a dance course yesterday (oriental dancing, great fun and exhausting) and I try to have an active social life although it is hard since almost all my friends are our common friends and socialize on a "couple" basis.

I am seeing my (ex) BF a few times every week. Since I found out about the affair he has not wanted to kiss me but we hug each other and I tell him sometimes that I love him. Before Christmas I tried to make him not see the other woman but he refused and we had quite a row about it.

For now I simply ignore her. I don't ask about her or even mention her. Instead I am flirting with him, I smile and laugh and talk as if we are still a happy couple. Amazingly it has some effect on him. Last time we met he was looking at me with a look on his face I have not seen for a long time. I don't know if he wants to come back or if he thinks I am nuts who behaves like that after what he has done.

On Saturday we went for a long walk, then we went "home", he made a cake for us and we talked. After that he has sent me TMs and mails, asking me about this and that, offering to come and fix my computer. I don't know what to think, either he wants to be "just friends" and thinks that I am moving on, or he is really interested in seeing me again.

I don't know what is going on with the married woman, the last I heard was that she is going back and forward, she wanted a divorce for a month, then she did not want a divorce for a month, then she wanted a divorce again. I don't think she will divorce her husband and I don't know if she is seeing my BF at the moment. I wish that he could realize that she has been lying so much, that would be really unattractive to him, but I will not tell him that.

I think you are making progress with your approach. It will take time, surely, but taking care of yourself is a great start. Personally, I would kindly drop subtle hints that messing with a married woman who vacillates on divorce may not be the greatest idea.

Thank you Damon, at least it is the best I can do now.

I don't know how to hint to him that he is making a fool out of himself, I think it is obvious.

When we spend time together I want him to think about me, not her. Besides, every time I have tried to tell him that there are a lot of reasons he should not see her he seems to get only more eager to do so.

One of my friends went through something very similar with her (now) husband. She has told me that at that time he was doing the opposite of whatever she wanted him to do. For example, he wanted to buy a motorcycle and she did not like the idea. A few weeks after they broke up he called her just to tell her proudly that he had bought a motorcycle.

But it is hard to tell how much of this is defiance and how much is due to the affair.

WMI,
This may not be anything you want to hear about on Valentine's day, but please think about this...You are not married to this BF, count your blessings, it could be that you were married and had kids. Do you really want to bind the rest of your life to someone that treats marriage the way your BF is doing? He obviously has no concern for his MOW, OWH, family and is willfully choosing to harm them through his actions. The fact that you would try to win him back is frightening. Why not find someone who will cherish the commitment of marriage? You, any women deserves a better partner than your BF...What is the story? why would you continue to associate with him?

The story is that we have been together for 10 years and we have told each other that we don't want to get married but we considered our relationship to be equal to marriage.

I know this man so well and I can't understand what he is doing now. As you point out he acts as if he has no respect for family or marriage. I think that a year from now he will be ashamed of himself and feel bad for what he has done, not only to me but also to the OW and her family. He has always been an intelligent person but a lot of what he is saying now sounds like crap.

I know it may not be the best choice for me but I love him and that means that I will stand by him even if it means saving him from himself.

Besides, even if we will not get together again I want him to get away from the OW. I have spoken to her husband and I have the greatest sympathy for their situation. Again, it may not be the best choice for me but I think that my BF will eventually regret his part in this affair.

GameFace, I forgot to say thank you for your concern.

As I wrote I know this man so well and he has always been the most honest, trustworthy person anyone can imagine and he has never lied to me. He ran away from me (or us) while we had a huge crisis and I can actually understand why, I am not sure that I could not do the same in a similar situation.