All...please helpe me figure this out. I'm really depressed. My g/f and i just ended a 4.5 yr relationship. This was my only significant relationship since my divorce. We broke up basically for some of the same reasons my marriage did. I work too much, don't pay enough attention to her, not romantic enough, etc. I realize I have issues I need to work on and honestly, I didn't committ to the resationship like i should have. I did/do love her, but she also had some issues which made me very unsure about her...primarily very poor spending habits and i was afraid I would go broke in no time if she had access to my accounts. I was ok with the breakup initially because I was also unsure about where i wanted the relationship to go. I had though of ending it myself numerous times, but i guess i was afraid too because I really didn't want that lonely feeling I got after my divorce.

The hard part is, three weeks after we broke up, I found out she had started a physically intimate relationship with one of my co-workers. Someone who I thought was my friend. They both claim they love each other and the dating/relationship did not start until after we broke up. However, I had my concerns about their behaviour a couple of months earlier and questioned her about it several times. She said they were just friends. He has a long history of infidelity and was in the middle of a divorce. They also work together and we were all friends. I accepted her claim that she was just being his friend. I am now just so angry at both of them. They both continue to insist no type of dating type relationship began until after our break up, but I have a hard time of believing that due to my erlier suspicions. This honestly is more painful than my divorce was. Every time i close my eyes, all I see is the two of them being intimate. We live/work in a small community and i feel humiliated. I ask her why if she thinks I cannot change to meet her needs, how she thinks he is going to change from his less than faithful ways for her. She just tells me I don't understand him and he was only like that because he was unhappy in his marriage. I just don't understand the whole thing. I don't now how you just fall in love in three weeks when you came out of a long relationship. why can't she see that she is just another conquest in his eyes? I even asked her to not do anything with him in particular when we broke up because of my suspicions. She again insisted they were "just friends" supporting each other through their tough times.

I know this is long, but I am just so hurt and confused. if anyone can help, i really do appreciate any advice. Thank you in advance.

1. She's likely lying to you. That's the nature of a WS. Actually they're both very likely lying to you.
2. She's failed the suitability test for a long-term relationship.

My suggestion? Wish them both the best of luck (they'll both need it), and involve them in your life as little as possible from now on.

MiM offers good advice.

No law says you have to have a relationship, we focus on the things that are important. Good relationships don't appear to be that to you. Not a fault, not a criticism. So play to your strengths.