Okay...here it is. I cheated on my husband. Is it hard to believe that I love him and I don't want to hurt him? What do I do now that the deed is done? My husband gives me so much of what I need: security, patience, kindness, co-operation; he's a great father to our 2 babies. He just has no desire to be intimate with me. I've confronted him about it MANY times in our 5 years together and nothing has changed. I needed someone to want me. I've got that now. Part of me doesn't want to stop. My concience tells me that I have to. Do I HAVE to tell my husband? I don't know what to do here. I feel so terrible and yet so fufilled all at the same time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Nothing will improve until you tell your H.

Yes you have to do it. You have to left him know what is going in in his marriage so he can decide what he wants to do.

Don't delay, tell him today about your A. You will then have to never talk to or see this OM agian.

Okay...now what do I do about needing some intimacy in my life? I cant get it from m H. I don't want that to end our marriage. I'm broken and confused rigt now. I don't want H to hurt. I don't want to hurt.

Why do you feel that you can't be intimate with your H? I don't think that you are broken; however, you have made some poor choices.

You can have what you need from your M, but it will take alot of hard work. Are you prepared to fight for your M...to do the work required?

You may want to share this site with your H...so that he can have some support...

They are great people here that can help the both of you!

((((((FBA))))))

yes - 100 times yes! Tell him - to not makes it so much worse and lies grow upon lies and then it is a big web of ugliness and pain... and tell him. It will suck, but if I had sat down with my H and told him, right away, and then we had gotten counseling, I would not have lost 4 years - and maybe all of my marriage.

There is only horrible awful pain at the end of this road.
I can promise you that.

~Me (formerly known as bossy)

You ask why I can't be intimate with my husband? For 5 years I have actively persued him. We do have sex, but he has never once propositioned me. I'm getting so tired of making the effort here. I want him to want to be with me. I know he loves me, he just doesn't care to be with me. If I take some time off of initiating sex, he asks me why we're not intimate. I know I'm attractive, but I don't know why my husband can't see that and be aroused by me.

Okay, I get it! I've been there...have you done any reading on this site...

Perhaps you should print the EQ (emotional questionnaire) and when you tell your H you can say how much you want your M, have really messed things up, but want to make amends...starting with the EQ, suggest marriage couseling, whatever it takes...

That is if you are truely willing to make a difference in your M...many people have had the same problem, have worked them out and have successful M today...

It's up to you and how much you want it...

That will have to wait for now. You will have to work on your M first. When you two are on the road to recovery then the intimacy will come.



Most of the time an A will not end a M, the lies will. Stop the lies today and tell your H. I found out about my wife's A and I so wish she would have told me instead. I would have felt that she wanted to work it out if she had.



Sure you are. By telling your H he can work with you and not just live the same thing over day after day not working on your M. Also by sticking around here you can heal and make a better M for the two of you.



Here's a 2x4 so be ready - you already did that and you can't take it back. You can start today to help him and you heal from this.

** there are many women here that have recovered from their A and they can help you.

Are you ready to do the work needed?

My husband and I work opposite shifts and I only get to see him about 10 minutes every day. I just called him and told him to come home. I'm too broken. I need to get this out. Thank you for the support and helping me to realize that I need to come clean

Oh, FBA...

I have been in your position...having to tell my H that I cheated on him...I know how difficult it is but YOU and HIM will survive this...

yes, the attention from the OM is great but it doesn't compare to having the husband and father of your children around...the two of you have something together otherwise you wouldn't have married...

YOU CAN DO THIS...

My H and I are working opposite too...you can make this work! Have faith and throw some prayers in there...that helps more that you know!

telling him is the right thing to do

it will hurt both of you, but your marraige can't heal until you are open and honest about your needs and your mistakes

and then be prepared to be open to his honest pain and anger

i hope you have read here to know how he may react and what you can do to make it better for him

I wish you the best. You will make it. Your H will be mad at first, but in the end you two will be better off.


We know you love him, you came here to ask for help instead of continuing with the OM.

I'm encouraged by your need to get this out. This is the big turning point. Either it gets out or you hide it and it gets worse down the road......especially when your choices destroy any sense of security and comfort your children may have.

It's likely he doesn't know how much you NEED his attention. Married men tend to forget this as I have and resulted in the same for my FWW. I was not emotionally available. Your husband seems to not be physically or emotionally there for you.

We are men. Y-O-U M-U-S-T S-P-E-L-L things out for us. I'm totally oblivious to any woman "hitting" or "flirting" with me. Same goes for my wife. Once he sees how his lack of being there has pushed you here, then he will be willing to make the changes you need.....

BUT....be prepared for him to totally NOT understand why you did this. it will take time.

Do the right thing........also, the OM's wife deserves to know if he's married.

There has to be a medical, psychological, addiction problem that needs attention if your H doesn't want to have sex with his wife. I have rarely seen any man turn down sex without there being an issue (ED, childhood issues, porn addiction, alcoholism, affair, etc) This is something you need to address after you have dealt w/ the affair. It will be fair to note that you BH's affection for you while low at best will be even worse once he knows you've slept with another man and you can understand that, can't you?

Listen to the pros here, utlize the MB principles, get counseling (all after establishing no contact for life w/ cheating OM) and rebuild a new and better M as many here have done.

"My husband and I work opposite shifts and I only get to see him about 10 minutes every day. "


and you wonder why you have no intimacy???

change this.
talk to him about it. try to mutually agree on who it makes more sense to change timeslots. and then go jobhunting.

If it seems like it makes the most sense that he should change jobs.. and he wont... then you change yours anyway, if you want to improve your marriage.

FlybabyAmy has posted a new thread, she has told her husband and they are in crisis.

I was in your situation (sans the adultry) in my first marriage.

There are only TWO correct courses here.

The first is to tell your husband.

or...

Do what I did and leave him.

If you do not tell him, your relationship is doomed.

Like I said...I never crossed the adultry line....but the only way to make this right is to woman up and quit being a liar and an adulterer.

- Kimmy

She told him and he said it's over and he wants out.

This is on anther thread

you tell your H all that.
tell him you WANT intimacy with HIM ...tell him you want to go to MC and work on your marriage. take it from there.