Hi,
Its been a very long time since I was here, but I need some support and I thought of this place. I'm divorced, ex moved out 1 1/2 ago. He got fired from his job in Oct. and has now decided to move to Ohio and live with his gf, leaving me with our two kids and full custody.
I'm not upset about having my kids all the time, I'm glad to be with them, but I feel extremely overwhelmed. Right now I am staying w/my parents and now I don't know if I can ever leave because I need my moms help. She also needs mine, my dad is ill and needs a liver transplant so we are all overwhelmed.

What I'm more concerned with is how my children will deal with being abandon by their father. He's going to have them fly back for vacations, which devastates me, I can't stand the thought of not seeing them for 2 months. But my daughter is very close to daddy and I'm so heartbroken at how this is going to affect her. I try to get her to talk about it (shes 10) but she doesn't have much to say. He only told them last week and he is leaving in 2 weeks. She shut herself in her room and I didn't want to keep pestering her about it but I want her to know she can talk to me about her fears. My son (12) hasn't wanted to talk about it and my ex has had them extra days so I really haven't had one on one time with my son since he got the news. I just don't want this to ruin them for life. I am looking in to counseling for both of them

ALso my ex claims he should not have to pay me more support even though I will have 80% custody because hes already giving me more than his attorney said i should get. BUT I waived lifetime alimony in exchange for the extra funds now. I live in CA and it's very expensive here. I will need more money just to get a place for my kids and I to live. I just sold my house because I couldn't afford it.
Sorry if i rambled. Just overwhelmed!

-win

Win,

I'm sorry. This must be very difficult. It must feel like D-day all over again, except the betrayal is to the children. It hurts all of you.

Talk to an attorney. Your situation has obviously changed, and you may be able to get more support. It may be difficult to collect if he is unemployed.

HL

Hi {{win bin}},

I too am sorry for what you are going through.I just will never understand the thought processes of people who abandon their own children.To me they are sick people. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I can appreciate what you are going through.In my case,my ex ( initially) lived in another country seeing the kids only when he could,once or twice a month.Now he still lives in another state and sees them EOW but we are doing well and I think a lot of it had to do not only with my own attitude but also how I arranged our home life sans the ex.

Living in Ohio is not quite the same and I am glad you are trying to get the kids some counseling but still,how you handle this newfound situation is what your kids will be looking at.Do try your best to just be there for them, help them talk about things when they are ready and try to make their lives as routine as possible.Kids really need and thrive with stability so however that can be managed,do it.

Hopefully too your kids had a good relationship with your parents so they can spend time with them and also help each other through your Dad's illness.Lean on eachother.That is what families are for.And please,think about talking with a social worker or other support groups that can help you cope.

Were you married 10 years or more? If I remember,California has a 50/50 law.I used to live out there myself for sometime.Also I would take time to think about what your ex is asking re: the kids traveling like who pays? Do they want to go ( when the time comes).

Is he only suggesting he see them in the summer for vacation? In some states it's not allowed that the parent move so far away. Maybe you can ask your lawyer about that.I know where I live it's a no go unless the moving parent wants to lose his rights to the kids and other things( $$).That is assuming Ohio is far away for you all.