i have been corresponding (via e-mail) with OWH since i exposed the A to him. i have told him whatever he wants to know about the A, as he and his WW are getting a D and not speaking.

the OW just asked my H to ask me not to tell the OWH anything else, as he is sending her mean text messages. i feel so sorry for her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

my H had the nerve to ask me to stop. he was nice about it, admitted that he doesn't know what it's like to be in my position, but feels it serves no purpose since they are getting a D. he thinks i am doing it to hurt the OW. truly, i dont care if it hurts her or not, this is not the reason i am doing it. i guess i think it may be helping OWH.

i told H that if OW would call me and ask me herself, i would consider it. of course, i would have a few questions for her of my own.

but what do yall think? do you think it serves any purpose for the OWH to know details of the A, since they are getting a D?
i think if he wants to know, he should have a right to know. but i'm all ears if yall disagree.

I would tell H that you will stop coresponding with OWH when he goes completely NC with his FOW.
She really has some nerve.

Still

He has a right to know every little fact and detail that was wrongfully withheld from him ABOUT HIS LIFE. Just becuase the OW is a mean SOB that chose to lie and cheat to her H, does not mean you have to help her in that regard. You have information about this man's life to which he has a RIGHT TO KNOW.


But, he is the last person who is qualified to make such a judgement since he victimized this man. It is up to the OWH to decide what serves a purpose and what doesn't, not your H.

My X didn't want me telling anybody anything either:
the OW, the father of OW's child, OW's relatives, WH's relatives...

I told WH that as long as he and OW said or did ANYTHING together that they didn't feel they needed MY permission to be doing, then it really was none of WH's and OW's business what I said or did!

If what the adulterer's are doing and saying is nobody's business, then they are in no position to try to dictate the words of actions of the betrayed spouses.

"i told H that if OW would call me and ask me herself, i would consider it."

Really?

Did she call you and ask you first before getting involved with your husband?

I would tell the WS very little. They both think they have 'control' over you. Let them think that. WS says to STOP contacting OWH, tell him you will 'think about it', give it some thought (at least 2 seconds) then do what you need to do.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

How dare the OW and WS dictate to you and OW's H who are just protecting their own interests. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

L.

but what about radical honesty??? i have been telling H everything! and hoping he is doing the same. am i wrong here?

thanks for everyone's replies, btw. i actually called OWH on the way home from work and told him pretty much everything i know. i'm pretty sure i won't speak to him again unless something else happens.

Radical honesty is a practice to be used when you are IN RECOVERY. It should not be used to undermine your ability to interfere with the affair before it has ended. When he ends his contact with his girlfriend and begins acting in trustworthy ways, you should reciprocate. But don't use RO to undermine your best interests when you have to PROTECT yourself from him and his ho.

If OWH has only known for a week, it's far too early to assume that they will divorce. I would base the decision on what's best for OWH, not what the infidels want (my WW and OM hate it when they know OMW and I have been talking, but I don't really care). For example, if you know any of the gory details, you might want to think twice before sharing those (are you *sure* you want to know that?).

ok, i was unclear on the RH thing.

thanks for all of the help and support

FO

I [email]say...scr@@@[/email] them...they made their bed let them lie in it...

This is war...no peace treaties have been signed yet...LOL

Telling OWH makes the OW unhappy and she's griping about it to your husband, trying to control you thru him. It makes her unhappy, your WS unhappy, and arms OWH to deal with the situation from a position of knowledge. These are all positive things. Keep up the good work!

Your H is still in "protect the OW" not protect "you" fogginess. The OW is not his concern. In fact, he shouldn't have any idea what her STBXH is sending her. He shouldn't be having ANY CONTACT WHATSOEVER with the OW.

As someone very succintly pointed out, did she ask you before grabbing your husband.

Whatever the OWH wants to know, the OWH SHOULD know.