To the all Betrayed Spouses out there,
I receive daily devotionals from Divorce Care and found the below devotional particularly important because I, as a BS, have blamed myself for the D and for my WH's actions. It's a kind reminder that we are not responsible for our WS' decisions and behavior. May this devotional give us all strength, peace and wisdom to let go of our WS and draw closer to God. It also includes a sample prayer at the bottom. Blessings to you all.

"Not Responsible
Day 151

Dr. Craig Keener says we should do everything possible to save the marriage, but ultimately we are not responsible for the actions of another person.

He explains, "If the marriage is taken away from you against your will, after you've done everything you can in love to preserve the marriage, God doesn't hold you accountable for that any more than He would hold a rape victim accountable for rape or a murder victim accountable for murder."

In Psalm 55 David cried out to God. He was in distress because a friend of his, someone he trusted and loved, had turned against him, becoming vicious and hateful. David's relationship with his friend had been severed because of the friend's sinful actions toward him. In response, David brought his anguish to God, giving God his burdens and trusting God to sustain him.

Perhaps some aspects of the relationship between David and his friend are similar to what you have faced with your former spouse.

David says, "If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is . . . my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship. . . .

"War is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords. Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall" (Psalm 55:12-14, 21-22).

Lord God, I have tried everything to make this marriage work. I have sought Your guidance, help, and counsel. I have been faithful to Your Word, but my spouse refuses to change his [her] ways. Help me to understand that I am not responsible for the actions of my spouse. Amen."


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ready,

It's good to hear you are continuing to seek the Lord through all of this. He will absolutely lift you up and bless you when you put your faith and life in His hands.

Although the betrayal by a spouse is one of the most painful things that can happen in life, it doesn't define us. It will pass. We can achieve freedom and liberty through Jesus and we can hold fast in the knowledge that God is right there with us when we seek Him daily.

One of my fears has been that I will look back and experience the pain of betrayal over and over again or that the shame, guilt and failure I felt, beginning with d-day and stretching over a long period of time, will continually define me.

But, as time has passed and through seeking Christ, I understand better that her betrayal will not and never did define me. Other people do things for their own reasons. They have a choice, just as we do, to either forgive and seek God for counsel, or to blame others and seek shallow, selfish solutions which only lead to further disaster. The hearthbreak is now their's to suffer. In Christ, and with prayer and repentance, we are clean and forgiven.

Continue in the faith that the best is yet to come and in the knowledge that even the pain of betrayal will serve as a connector between us and the Lord Jesus. It is He who knows our heartbreak and blesses us when we cry out to Him.

Psalm 34:17-18 "The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

God Bless,

-corinth

Thank you both so very much for these posts. I am stepping closer to the realization that there is nothing more I can do to save my marriage. My WH is living with OW and nothing I say or do seems to make a difference in helping him see the right path to take. I am beginning the process of filing for D, although it is with an extremely heavy heart. Reading your words helps me feel that God continues to see and hear my words and actions and knows I have done all that can be done.

Thank you again and God bless.