Its valentines and there is much to be thankful for...my husband is home, I am positive he is not seeing the ow and all is going well...on the surface. I've got all the goodies planned and a nice dinner just us..so why am I depressed this morning? As much as I love my H and I really do its's not the same..I am still so hurt even after almost three monthes. Oh I hide it well and my medicine I suppose makes it easier but I still feel so alone. I miss the bond we shared after almost twenty years of marriage..I don't know how he really feels he really doesent say..he is so busy with work. I cant tell him how I am feeling because I honestly don't know what to say. I don't want to lose him or hurt him yet I am so hurt. I am not "unhappy" with him its just different now. They say it takes time. I feel like I have nobody not even myself. I have always been so in control of myself but I feel like I am running on borrowed time...I once was so happy and content now I am probably the unhappiest I have ever been not just with the challenge of rebuilding my marriage but with my entire life.

I know I seem to write when I am especially depressed but I do it in a desparate hope for feed back. I should be thankful he is here and my family (2 kids still at home) is still together so why am I so unhappy? Is this normal under the circumstances?

I am no professional, but I am a man. Allow me to give you some ideas that popped into my head when reading through your post.

Men are practical beings, what I mean is tell your Husband what it is you need fixed. I know I have trouble with the sublte hints, or ideas. Tell him exactally how you feel, and what he can do to make you feel better about yourself. 20 Years and 2 kids is worth the fight.

He is the one who strayed, if he truly loves you, he will be willing to show you he can change, while also setting your mind at ease.

Time will help, but it doenst heel everything. You need some time for yourself, make 10 minutes a day for YOU! Bubble bath, reading, walk outside, whatever floats your boat.

Hope some of this helped.