for a phone call, e-mail or for him to stop by and say he changed his mind?

I know there are no clear cut answers but I'd like to have some idea of when this will stop. 6 month, 1 year? What have your experiences been? I guess I need to know this will go away.

We have been together since I was 16. I am 43 now.
Married 22 years, 18 yr son, 14 yr son
He said he was through on 2/7 and moved out on 2/11.

Before you all go down the road it's not too late etc.. I have been working on our M using the MB principals for a few years now. MB is great but it can't make the other person love you.

You know I have no clean cut answers - but I like you was with my now exhusband since high school we were 18 and now at 42 I have been divorced for four years... I never saw it coming - never - really and truly didn't... it was very painful for the first three years... but now in the fourth year - I have let go - I have stopped wondering about him.. he wants to be best friends - most days I am ok with that but then again I just want to be away from all of the pain... And you are right you cannot make someone love you .. the main thing is that you have to do for you and you only... it is funny everyone would just tell me get over it let go.. way easier said than done... I know that I don't miss him like I used to but I do still miss him to some degree... So I am not sure when it will end but it has to be at your own pace.... and truly you do survive...

I don't believe that there is a clear cut answer either. My X moved out on me to be the the OM on 11/5/05 and I tried the best that I could to get her to come back to the marriage. After a year of trying, I found that things were not going to change and decide to go for a D. Now that the D is final, I feel better about myself and know that I don't have to be the only one fighting for the marriage anymore. It has been a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders and I can concentrate on the things that I am interested in. Now that the D is final, my wife wants to come back and work on things and try to reconcile. I have told her what I expect of her and she is slowly doing things. Perhaps she just needed the kick in the butt so to speak to get things moving or maybe it was the fact that her "relationship" with the OM has run its course. I guess that will be seen as time goes by. If he is not interested in the marriage right now, I would suggest just conectrating on yourself right now and continue with the MB principals. If he is really intersted, he will come around on his own or maybe you will need to give him a kick in the butt like I had to. I would try the principals first as they are the easiest and cheaper choice.

Dear,

Those who love their spouses will always be waiting and hoping for that phone call that may or may not ever come. My xWH left for almost three years, promising to come home but did not put a step towards that.

The first two years was painful and harrowing because I was constantly looking for signs, wanting him to say he would like to come home. By the third year, I realised he wasn't going to. I leaned on God to help me make some changes... and my life is getting better.

I would like to say to you, while holding up the family while he is gone, take this time also to discover yourself, discover what you can do, without him. Start exploring the various interests in your life, invest in yourself and your kids. I know it will be difficult because you have been with your spouse since 16, but MB folks will be here to hold you and help you through this rocky path. Take one day at a time, stay with us.

In the end, should he decide to come home, he will come home to a 'better' spouse and good kids. If he decides not to come home, you know you will be strong enough to carry on without him.

Blessings and my prayers for you,
R

I don’t know how long you wait. Given that you registered here in 2003, I think you’re path may be shorter. You can have no qualms that you should have tried harder. I think one way I was able to accept my situation was that I started to see that my H was giving me an answer even though he wouldn’t say it. His actions repeatedly told me “No, I’m not willing to make that change. No, I’m unwilling to stop doing X,Y,Z even though it makes you unhappy.” By not accepting this answer I was not respecting him as a person copy of making his own choices.

So, once I accepted that my H didn’t value marriage with me enough to change his behavior, then I confronted my own feelings of value. Was I valuable? What if I didn’t think so? What if other’s didn’t think so? In the end, I decided my value was not determined by what anyone thought, including me. I had to be valuable because God created me. So from then on, I decided to be a better steward of what God had given me: myself and my life.

I started doing all the stuff I wasn’t able to do married. That really helped. I painted my house. I made decisions based on my values, and so on. I got a dog. LOL. I also tried to put the best possible spin on the situation. I tried to think of it mostly in terms of two people who were just too different, too far apart in our values. It helped me avoid getting sucked into bitterness and misery, especially when I thought of all the years I had been unhappy. And that helped me too.

Broken hearts just don't die quickly, they slowly bleed to death. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It takes time... I still miss my X and she left in November 2004. But I don't wait for her anymore. I used to sit at the door late at night even months after she moved out. I just "knew" she would come back... she never did.

Give it time... work on yourself to heal. As tough as it is, work on getting him out of your life. There is another life out there for you.