SB, BB, JL, and Believer, Thankyou all for your replies, I have read them all at length and am grateful for all your input.

SB: I have a solicitor appointment this Wednesday, hopefully can gather some good advice and work out my next move. The settlement figures that he has so far put forward are insulting to say the least.

BB: Thankyou for the link you gave me to chemistry of love, it made so much sense to me, especially since I am a critical care nurse and use the chemicals they refer to all the time at work!

I am thankful that this whole mess has all happened now, not in 5 years time when I would have hoped to be married with kids. I just feel sad for his parents who are upset by their son’s actions and that he does not have a greater respect for relationships.

I am very grateful that I have a strong support network behind me; my best friend and family have been nothing short of amazing and are supporting me every step of the way

Tomorrow morning I am heading to Sydney to get the rest of my belongings, furniture. It’s the last time I will need to go to the house and that area of town. Any further contact will hopefully be conducted via email.

Wish me luck <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

K

I wish you Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you write him a letter or did you tell him that you know what is going on?? (I'm just abit nosy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)

After you have gotten your stuff.............be prepaired........from what I have read during my years here in MBers, he's going to try to contact you "Sooner or later"......

Just go "Completely Dark" and "Live your Life" and you'll get over this in a short time...........

hugs
bb

Well I did it all of my stuff is out of our house.

I found more letters from her to him, this time saying how much she hates that he still says he wants to be with me because they have this ‘great’ connection and she loves him….

When I got home I had this email waiting for me,


Dear K,

I can understand how you feel right now as I have been on your side before. The truth of it all is that I am hurting just as much.

I know right now you feel like the person who has had their life destroyed but trust me your’e not alone. I f**** up by actually going on a date with L and it was the stupidest thing I could of ever done.

I couldn’t stand the hurt I had caused you and me, so we had to end everything. I guess you taking everything today is good as we can both have some closure on things.

In my head I hoped one day 6 months down the track when we had both sorted ourselves out that we could get in contact and re-start our friendship. Personally I would want more and would throw away Lor anything to get you back but I know the feeling isn’t mutual from your end right now.

I did end things with L but she called me the other day and seen as you and I are f*** I thought seeing someone else might help me try and forget things.... as much as I don’t really want to.

Take care of our dog, as much as I want to call you every day and see how you are I wont anymore so you can move on.

I miss you so bad, I wish I could drive down there now and this all just be a bad dream

Love always and forever

T


I am not sure how to respond to this, moving my stuff today was so hard, and I am missing him and how we were before the affair like crazy.

I am just feeling very lost.

I need some strategies to help me to stop wanting to go back….

K

Kcop,

PLEASE do not respond to your exboyfriend's (XBF) attempts to MANIPULATE you. I know that I have only a part of the picture, but based on what you have provided, I see that your XBF has no respect for you. I hope that you have enough respect for yourself to sever this relationship completely. Thank God that you found this out before you had children with this guy.

Time will dull your loneliness and desire to remain in contact but the clock will reset every time you talk to your XBF.

I hope that you will learn MB concepts and apply them in future relationships so that you protect yourself from ever having to experience this again.

I know you are hurting now, but you will be able to overcome the pain and find someone that actually deserves your love and trust and to share your dreams.

In the mean time, here are some "Plan A" strategies that focus on making you a better person:

Note: I got these from MrWondering on this site, not my own good ideas

DOs

1. Act Happy
2. Get a life (new activities, etc.)
3. repeat over and over..."I will make it"
4. Expand your social relationships (Being especially aware of your own vulnerability at this time)
5. Get sexy (gym, new clothes, etc)
6. Focus on your strengths and Positives...don't put yourself down verbally or constantly go over what you did wrong
7. Accept Uncertainty (Do your best today and let God take care of tommorrow)

DON'Ts
1)Waste any more time on the cheater XBF

Thankyou GF

It has been a very emotionally draining day, moving all my stuff out, and to be faced with an email like that when I got home is hard.

I have not replied to the email, the only reply he will be getting is the asset settlement email after I see my solicitor on Wednesday.

He knows how to make me feel sorry for him, and it works,, every time.

I think a big sleep is on order for me because I am much more realistic about what has happened when I am not so tired and worn out.

Thankyou for the strategies, I am attempting to put them into place.

K

kcop,

It is clear he really has no idea how his behavior has affected you or would anyone for that matter. Don't reply to him, and get on with your life. HOWEVER, before you get on with your life, may I suggest that you spend a lot of time here reading and digesting what you see.

The more you learn about relationships, the more you learn about people, the more you learn about marriage, the better your chances are of finding the "right" person. You seem like a nice young woman and you should not be afraid of relationships, but the best guard against bad one is knowing yourself, and knowing the clue's that someone with less than a true heart give off.

Hang around, read the articles and do some posting and asking of questions. I know you are hurt right now, but I think you will find in the years to come that you are better off.

God Bless,

JL