Yes MrsRob, I have been here from the start and I was hopping this would turn out better by now.


Maybe Tech is on to something here. What if you stopped doing "your job"? No sex, cooking for him, cleaning after him - just doing anything for him. Stop all together. Let him miss something.

Oh the boundaries - we all talk about them, but no one has a seadfast answer to it. Set all the boundaries you want, but if your H walks thru them then what? Well he doesn't meet your needs then you don't meet his needs.

?????

If her H walks through them (which he will) Plan B followed by Plan D.

BigK- yes, you have- and so I hesitate to post sometimes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It seems like the only choices I have are to tolerate it until he decides- if he decides- to stop doing it, and try to make our marriage better, or get divorced.

The choice I want, to have a partner in making our marriage work, does not seem to be on the table.

MrsRob,

Lots of us are looking at plan B for you. Knock him off his fence as it were.

What do you think?

And move out? With 3 kids? And lose the house?

You can't plan B in the same house and have it be effective, can you?

And I love him so much. I just wish I had never done anyof this.

Not really, no.

I know - rock and a hard place. Right now I'm just thinking out loud with you and the gang.

What about stopping the sex and such? Just tell him that you are burnt out with no EN of your own being met.

???

Mulan- I have not read the stuff you have about passive aggressiveness becasue then I'll have to deal with it. Stupid, huh, since I already AM dealing with it, just not well, lol. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I have accused him of it, and again, my thought process is just f-ed up.

M2L- April 1st is not that far

And so much of it is just button pushing, as he knows just how to get me, and I fall for it every time. That is where I need to do a plan ME and change how I react. I can't change him, and isnt' a DJ to think he should change? So it's me that has to.


And no matter what he's done to me- or what I perceive he's done to me, he didnt' deserve what I did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by MrsRob

well then LET HIM.
Give him what he says he wants. Give him "less hassle".

He treats you horribly during sex, yes? Sex is a burden for you, yes?

So if you're not getting anything out of it, and he claims he isnt either... then stop doing it.

I suggest that you take SF off the table, until it can be a positive experience for *both of you*.

If it IS a positive experience for him, he should have the bare minimum courtesy to acknowlege that it is,and show some appreciation for it, rather than denigration.

Well, to be fair, he does show some appreciation sometimes. What he means by less hassle is that it's always available and he doesnt' have to put up with my "yammering."

He just wants to not talk about our R

Then let him handle it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> You can't compare the two at all - trust me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I bet he will ask whats up when you stop. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

If you think you can wait until April AND that things will change then please do so. I just don't see how a date on the calendar will change him.

I agree, if it's not this excuse about the date than it will be another one...

oops.. i somehow missed this bit...



how is it fair to be mad at him for bringing up the past all the time, if you do it yourself?

Mrs Rob.

This is pretty simple. He is acting like a child. Do not take the bait.

I think it is time for no reaction when he says that. If he gets heated and throws that out at you say something crazy.

You know you should really call the OM. Then say you know my favorite flower is the sunflower.

If he brings up the A in a revengful way just say I love chocolate cake.

He is at this point not acting rational about this.

You do not need to be abused. If you have been honest and he has no questions, if you are being transparent, if there is no contact then the ball is in his court.

He may never forgive you, but he has to decide if he can move forward. If he wants to stay there that is his choice.

My goal in this as the BS was to have a better M then we did before the A. I KNOW we do. That wouldn't have happened if I did what your H is doing.

You can always say supercalifragilisticexpialidocisrudkfm. I don't know how to spell it but you get the idea.