I confessed my A because I'm ready to start rebuilding my marriage. It just kills me to see the pain in my H's eyes. My kids are suffering from his pain as well. What can I do to help him through this? He's angry, but willing to talk.

It's great that he is ready to talk. I am sure he is in a lot of pain. Make sure that you take full responsibility for your actions. None of your actions had anything to do with his behavior. It is common for a formerly wayward spouse to say things that indicate that they were somehow led to their wayward activity because of some behavior of their spouse. Make sure you don't do this.

Let him know that you confessed because you want to save your marriage and you were told that confessing to him was the most certain path to recovery of your marriage.

Let him know that you want to ensure recovery--that you will answer anything he wants answered and that you are ready for 100 per cent transparency.

Let him know that you are aware that you are the one at fault and tell him that you seek his help to recover and that you will do anything he asks to obtain recovery. Don't blame him.
Lake

I've already done all that. I never laid any blame on him. I told him that I was willing to leave him and my kids behind because I didn't deserve any of it. I've gave him a commitment of no contact with OM. This is especially difficult because I work with OM. I had to confess to my boss so that schedules could be rearranged. I'm going to give whatever it takes, but I just want to help my husband heal right now. I hate looking in his eyes and seeing nothing but pain.

I am on the other end of your problem. I discovered my wife's A a few weeks ago. She seems to be like you and has finally admitted everything, established a NC and left her job because she worked with the OM. From my standpoint, being hurt like that isn't something that can be easily forgiven or forgotten. Be Patient!! My WW started out like you being completely honest and open but reverts to being hurt and closed to me sometimes. That is what hurts me the most...everytime she fails at keeping everything "transparent" and open to me it puts us back at square one. A marriage takes an effort by both people involved, and all things will heal in time if you keep on working at them. Your H should atleast be glad that he found out from you because it hurts more to catch it going on and have to be the one to bring it up. Good luck to you and remember, show Love and Patience.

Welcome....

Have you explored the resources on the MB website? This article helped my FWH realize that consoling me meant more than saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me."

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042_qa.html

Hope that helps. If the link does not work, you can find it in the 'MB Infidelity' section entitled "Can't We Just Forgive and Forget? #1"

Every situation is different so even if someone posts something you may think you've already done, keep reading looking for more insights within what is really being said.

Trustbuilding will take time and patience on both of your parts. But it is possible.....keep posting and asking.

Ace

Tell him you are sorry every day.
Tell him you love him every day.
Tell him the last time you contacted the OM and keep confirming to him every day that this date hasn't changed.
Tell him anything he wants to know you will tell him. Don't hide anything from him and make it clear to him that your affair is an open book to him.
Once you share the affair with him it is no longer your secret betrayal and it becomes a challenge you both work to overcome together.
Remove anything from your life that may remind him of the affair. Let him know you removed it and that you don't want it back in your life. Remove the affair from your life and invite him back into your life.

Somehow every day gets better. I tell him I love him and he tells me he loves me. I tell him I'm sorry and we talk together about what we need to do. I still see the hurt in his eyes, but I'm able to be there for him to tell him that I will never leave his side and this will never happen again. Love is an amzing thing. We're so much stronger when we're together.

Give him your cell phone and email - complete access any time he wants it!

Agree on a time frame for a daily or weekly discussion. In the beginning , he will need to discuss it more often and then less. I am a month an a half from discovering the affair, and I still have a need to discuss every day -- some ground rules -- polite, non-threatening, no yelling and a time limit for anything he wants to ask or discuss -- 20 minutes worked for me. You will not want to do this, as my WH - the cheater now does not want to , but the alternative is that he will bottle it all up and take it out on you for years to come! Answer all the questions, no matter how embarassing and DO NOT respond by saying it is stupid for them to want to know this or not important because it is over. It is not over for him. On the other hand, this cannot be a "life sentence" for you -- set ground rules ie) 20 minutes a day for first 2 months, 10 minutes a day for third month, 10 minutes once a week -- whatever you both need. Apologize, apologize, apologize and remember you caused this pain.

I must tell you - You couldn't be farther from the truth

My husband has a hard time talking about what he's feeling inside. I see him crying. I see the look he gives me when something comes to his mind. My first instict is to say "honey, we need to talk about this" or "what's going on in there". I know that the best way to heal is to be honest with eachother. He asks me questions and my response is usually "do you really want to know"? He DOES want to know and I believe that in an open honest relationship he has every right to know. I think that my wish is just that I could make him feel less pain. I know that's impossible considering that I ripped his soul out. I know the only way we can heal is with time, patience and honesty.