this weekend, my WH agreed to quit his job (he works with OW). today, he says it doesn't make sense b/c he would be depressed sitting at home. and b/c OW is supposedly going to quit after tax season (which is in 2 months)

i'm thinking he wants to stay b/c of her. he admits he is addicted to her and can't control himself around her.

i think i should just hang it up and move on.

thoughts, suggestions, deragatory remarks?

FG1,

He is waffling and you have to decide if you want to waffle with him.

What's your gut telling you? Are you done with plan A?

He is also babbling and expects you to fix it for him.

Think about it, what sane man quits his job just to sit around the house? Do you really want him there as a WS?

Decide if you want to pull yourself out of this mess and let him deal with it, then plan B. If you want to give him another chance at being a WS OR you are not done with your self-improvements, then plan A.

Right now your plan A efforts is allowing him to continue as a WS. The WS in him likes it that way. That is why he is waffling.

JMHO,
L.

you make a great point. i will keep yall updated.

can you stand the waffling for another 2 mos?? do you have any guarantee that anything will happen in 2 mos???
maybe put him on a new job search for the time being and that might give you enough time to make a plan B if necessary.



BINGO! trust your instincts on this one.
don't forget, WS's goal would be keeping the status quo(both of you), so anything he says to delay NC should be seen as manipulation to keep getting his fix, and don't put any stock in it. wait for actions, but until then how about your plan A. have you been making personal changes? what was your M like pre-A???

Straight at you on this.

You can have your M back and be happy again with your H. However, this WILL NOT happen as long as your H works with OW.

You can post all you want and ask the same questions over and over, but the bottom line is NC forever. Unless that happens you will be hitting your head against the wall and nothing will change.

i can not stand him waffling for 2 months, no. and i pretty much assume the A will continue if he doesn't quit. and if the A continues, the OW will stay around. she thinks she is in love with my WH

well, we did the EN questionaire. his primary needs are sexual fulfillment and an attractive spouse. i have lost about 10 lbs since 1/1 and have been actively pursuing SF. he hasn't always been responsive, turns out up until 2/14 he was still doing OW -
our M before was not that great. since we have a young child, and both work FT, there was not much time for us to spend together. (my fault totally) i have now committed to giving him as much time and attention as he can give me, which isn't much. he says he can give me an hour a day, but then he says stuff like "does it have to be 1 interrupted hour?" and "if we go to lunch does that count towards our hour?"

i feel like i gave him 100% in the 3 weeks following D-day #1, and he agrees. since D-day #2, i just haven't been able to. my spirit has been killed. it feels like those 3 weeks were in vain.
and now, 5 days past d-day #2, he wants me to trust him that he can continue working with her. he even said "if this is how it's gonna be, i don't want to work it out!" he later apologized.

sorry so long. just gotta get it all out

FO

ok, i agree with you on that. so if he refuses to quit his job, should i kick him out of the house? he says the thought of not seeing me and our dd every day kills him.
that's what i'm thinking about doing. if i do, i believe it will end one of 2 ways: he will come back, or run to OW.

i'm almost to the point i don't care which way it ends <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Lets calm down - ok? I know this crap is hard and hurts so much, but this is still new and needs more time. Trust me I know, I was in Plan A for 7 months. You can do this though.

Have you exposed to their work place? Tax office are smaller offices for the most part, but I may be wrong here. Expose to the office and let the 10 -30 co-workers help you out. The A will not feel like so much fun when everyone knows about it.

What did their boss say? Again, if this is a privately owned co then the owner would want to put a stop to it. Bet he wouldn't want to be sued.

Hang in there for your family. Your H needs you now more than ever and he doesn't even know it.

actually, OWH workplace (also an accounting firm) exposed to WH workplace. all of the partners know. very small firm. THEY DON'T CARE!!! they had to ask both of them if any sexual harrassment took place, to cover their butts. they told my WH that all of the partners liked both of them, and it was b/w them.
sick sick sick!!

That's the WS talking NOT your H.
RE: The thought of not seeing you should kill the Ws in him.

It will not end but continue to waffle until YOU decide to remove yourself from the A. Your H is too weak to fight the WS at this time. He is trying but the WS is still the dominate attitude.

Btw, I don't believe for a minute that his #1 & 2 EN are SF and attractive spouse. Notice who those choices put the work on you? Nope....the is lying. That's the WS' choices NOT your real H's. Go find your real H's real ENs.

JMHO,
L.

Are the bosses male? Call the bosses wives and tell them. Let them know the details and that you have a 12 month old that this is happing to.

One way or another your H will be gone I bet.

FO, this all comes down to what you will or won't tolerate. If you want to live in an affair marriage where you are woman #2, then you should stay with him while he continues to go to his girlfriend every day. If you are averse to affair marriages, or are partial to being woman #1, as many are, you should seperate and go right into Plan B to remove yourself from his abuse.

You can't force him to do anything. You can only make yourself unavailable to be raped on a daily basis. For me, I do not like being raped, therefore make myself unavailable for that treatment. But.....thats just me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

ok, i think i hear babble or alien speak

WH just told me that he doesn't want to quit his job, and he can control himself until she quits and moves away. BUT, if he can't control himself then maybe it's a sign they are meant to be together!

i am beyond mad! i think i should plan B his sorry self. but i respect yall's opinions - HELP!!

Time to knock him of the fence with a Plan B 2x4.

"WH just told me that he doesn't want to quit his job, and he can control himself until she quits and moves away. BUT, if he can't control himself then maybe it's a sign they are meant to be together!"

How convenient - FOR HIM!!!!

Insist that he quit his job. If he won't agree, time for Plan B. Be sure to protect your finances.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

[quotei am beyond mad! i think i should plan B his sorry self. but i respect yall's opinions - HELP!! [/quote]

Remember what plan B is for. It's about you and for you, regardless what condition or position the WS is in.

Did you tell him he is babbling? I would actually say that to my WS when he...babbled. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

In other words, he has no intention of ending his affair. There you have it, frm the horses mouth.

Yes, yes and yes!

What excuses do you think he will come up with 2 mos. down the road?

Plan B his cake-eating butt (can I say that?).