Here is an update on my sitch. My ex left 5/05, we divorced 12/05 - his choice. I thought maybe I wanted him to come back all this time up until maybe the fall. I started to just live my life and started getting attention from other men. It felt good. The ex was looking less and less appealing.

Well, I met someone at work and we started corresponding by email, then phone, then dating. It's been about a month now. OMG - he is more than I could ever imagine in another man and very different from my ex. This man treats me like a queen, is very affectionate, sensitive, kind, caring, smart, etc. etc.

Well darn it all, don't you know as soooooon as I started seeing him the ex must have had a premonition. He started hounding me and pursuing me. He has been calling me incessantly, texting me at 2:30AM, showed up on my doorstep at 11:30 at night, has been writing me cards and four page letters and BEGGING me to take him back. He has called hysterical crying begging and begging for another chance. I told him I felt he only wanted me back because he couldn't have me. He states it is not so and that he was trying to get up enough nerve to ask me to take him back. Not really true because I sent him a letter in the fall telling him enough already, move home and work on this or we go our separate ways for good. Never really got a response. I am ashamed to admit that I have given this man more chances than anyone really should have under the circumstances and he never acted until someone else came along.

Sadly enough, I do not want him back anymore and he is now FINALLY feeling the pain of the end of our marriage. I feel sorry for him intellectually but not emotionally. I would never want to give up what I have now and hurt the person I am with now. I don't know if what I have now will last forever but I will not give it up for the ex. The man I am with now (let's call him S.O.) told me he feels like he is in a love triangle. I told him I do not love the ex, but he does not like him trying to win me back might. It could make him walk away from me. I really need to cut Ex out of my life and maintain nothing but a co-parenting relationship. He still has a lot of his stuff here that he needs to move.

My point of all of this is the sooner you cut them out of your life - Plan B or whatever - the sooner the chances of them turning around. Do not be afraid of Plan B. If you don't Plan B as I didn't do, it may be too late by the time they wake up.

It makes me SMILE BIG to hear you have someone who is treating you like a queen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <---I smiled dat big!

OK

this is sooooooooo disrespectful of your XH

and
worrisome too

call and get a restraining order
he's loopy and desperate

not a good combo

yuk

Pep

Thank you Mel! Did I mention that he is the most sincere, God loving (and me loving) man I have met in a long, long time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pep,

I know. One of the main reasons I can't take him back is the way he disrespected me for sooooo long. He thought he could do whatever and I would always be there waiting to take him back. I am hoping things will die down and he will get the message after this intial shock, but I have thought restraining order if needed. I just hope he doesn't get ugly.

This is a very risky time for you ... when XH is finally convinced he's losing you he may

be sweet
when that does not work
he will beg
when that fails he might name call & threaten

and sometimes, he may act out ... BE VERY CAREFUL

Pep

I think Pep has a very good point. What you described about him texting you in the late hours and showing up late at night... should worry you.

A restraining order sounds like a good direction.

Shattered - Mine was just like yours - begging to come back, calling, writing. But once he knew that I was DONE, he quit. I would move your ex's stuff to storage, and not take his calls.

I don't blame your new friend - it is too much like a triangle.

Standard procedure when a person lets go and starts getting a life. Brings them back all on their little own. Brings them back ready and WILLING to do all the work necessary.
All the plan A-ing and plan B-ing in the world doesn't work like good old fashioned letting go and letting them SEE and FEEL you are moving on down the road.... (Works good for the BS's self esteem also) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Works fast too.

There are at least 4 other WS's that have been on this site in the last few weeks with the same dilemma your ex is in. Once they found out the BS wasn't waiting around pining for them and went out and found someone else who WOULD AND COULD treat them like they deserve to be treated, is when the WS suddenly woke up. Now THEY are the ones pining.... Now THEY are the ones in the same predicament the BS was once in. Whats good for the goose is....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

More people on this site should get a clue on how much faster and how much better the WS comes back when you really really let go.


GOOD FOR YOU....

Shattered... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Very nice report. They always seem to show up like a bad penny. You sound grounded, and that's a wonderful thing.

Please pay close attention to what you're hearing in the previous posts. Your ex sound like a shattered and desparate man. Please pay close attention to his actions, and journal ALL contacts he makes with you, for your own protection!

All the best!
SD

Hi there Shattered 5.

It is so nice to read that you are happy in a relationship after all you have gone through.
Wow. Talk about a change in the plot.

And still I wonder. Plan B is made to protect the BS from the affaire and falling out of love with spouse and giving up on the OS. I don’t remember why you never did go into Plan B. But this is rather academic now. This is an other example of an affaires dying a natural death. Plan B helps the BS hold on until that happens and a window of opportunity opens up.

I remember you trying to make him believe you had someone in your life.

As for me I’m still married and so I’m counselled by the Harleys to stay clear of possible new mates. Plan B is not the best course for a BH with no kids. Holding on is my choice because I could throw in the towel and expedite the divorce.

My very best wishes Shattered.

DLK21

thank you for sharing this!!

i've been waiting and hoping for so long that i'm ready to scream!!

it's great to hear stories like yours because it is so helpful to those of us who are still wanting to reconcile.

Thank you all for your good wishes. You are making me think though and I am a tad worried. Honestly, I am more worried that he would hurt himself than me but I really don't know. I know how devastated I was, how can you really predict how anyone will act under the most trying emotional circumstances.

As a good friend of mine pointed out, it is STILL about him. HE is hurting, HE is lonely, HE has no one, HE deserves another chance, etc. etc. etc. What about what I want? I don't think he cares. I just hope he is like Believer's Ex and fades away after I keep enforcing my message - NOT INTERESTED.

DLK21

you have been in plan A for 1 1/2 years?

i also have no children but Jennifer Harley, after consulting with her father, suggested plan B to me because my H and ow were becomming so cruel and hateful.

i had been in plan A for 1 1/2 years also.


shattered,

are there any of your H family members that you can call to share your concerns with?

To quote Pep: Egg zak lee

He is still very mucn in the WS mode.

L.

shattered

could you share some info about your situation?

Did you plan A and B?

Did you have continued contact with your H after the D?

I read above that at one time you tried to make him think you were involved with someone. Was he aware of what you were doing with your life?

How does he know that your now seeing someone.

(I'm not just being nebby! I'm always looking for info and my H has lived with OW for almost 2 years now.)

As stated there are no grounds for a restraining order. It's sad... but it's true. A restraining order is a restriction of rights... and nothing happened here that would warrant that.

Here's what you should do. Send him a cerified letter telling him that you do not wish to hear from him for things other than parenting issues. Also, let him know that any contact with you outside of the hours of 9am-9pm except in cases of emergencies involving the children, will be considered harassment.

Right now though... you have no grounds for an order.

Shattered05,

IMO your primary concern should be the probability that X will attempt to drive your BF off. He will target your relationship with your BF more actively than he does you personally. At first anyway.

POJA this situation, and what to do about it, with BF.

With prayers,

Shattered!!!!! So good to hear from you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I always said you were a catch <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> and now someone else has finally figured it out too.

I am SOOOO happy you have found someone who treats you with respect and kindness as you are WORTHY of this. You don't need crumbs from your XWH anymore as he has had multiple chances offered to him through your grace during these past 2 years.

Stay safe and reassure your BF that your XWH is out of the picture for good. Like the others suggested above, use POJA and PORH with him.

You made my day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

HTW

HI Shattered!!
I was just thinking of you the other day.
I am so happy for you....you deserve to be treated like a queen! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> And you did give your Ex a million chances....his loss. I think you should move on to your new life and whatever adventures it brings, don't waste a thought on ExH you did everything in your power. Keep moving forward!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />